i’m the sexiest bitch in this therapy waiting room

This. This right here. This is my exact level of narcissism.

Men can’t write horror because they’re too focused on all the gross ways they can dehumanize women.

can I please have context for this

Every time I talk to my roommate I feel my pineal gland calcify and my third eye close a little bit more

Last night she asked me how many days there are in a year and I said “why do you not know that?” and she said “why the fuck would I need to know that?”

She’s getting ready for work rn while listening to the Carrie Underwood song from the Super Bowl at full volume

Last night she was telling me about a car accident she was in years ago and she said they had to use the “jar of live” and I was like. Do you mean the jaws of life and she said “you don’t know what the jar of life is?”

She’s sitting next to me scrolling through a facebook meme page scream laughing and showing me literally every post and saying “what’s wrong? Are you okay” if I don’t laugh hard enough

This is like the straight equivalent of Get Out

This is like the opposite of the Ben Affleck smoking image