Paper's Cave

When I was 17, (I’m 20 now) I joined a transformers server that was supposed to be a wholesome slice of life RP. Little did I know it would lead to a full year of hell, depression, thoughts of self harm, and thoughts of self deletion.

I ended forming a friend group with some of the people in the server, 3 of which I’m happy to still be friends with. One other individual, who I will refer to only as “Anon”, I regret ever even meeting.

At first, the group was fun and we had a good time. I was still new to discord, and was desperate to fit in. That led me to agreeing to some uncomfortable situations that I normally wouldn’t agree to, just because I wanted to be liked. There were red flags early on, like Anon wanting to RP a student x teacher relationship in a highschool setting. The group said no, pointing out how gross it was, and Anon eventually backed down after the whole “it doesn’t count if the student is 18” spiel (Yes it does still count, thank you very much). I should’ve left at the first sign of red flags, but I was dumb 17 year old wanting to be accepted.

The content of which Anon wanted to portray became more sexual in nature, despite our group being underage. Regardless, Anon convinced us to agree. Through out the time I spent with the group, my mental health began to decline. I often felt like the things that I liked and enjoyed were deemed “wrong” by Anon. I like Jojo? “Jojo has an ugly artstyle and is gross”. I like pugs? “Pugs shouldn’t exist, and you shouldn’t own them”. I like Nautica? “Nautica is a Mary Sue and she’s getting in the way of Skids and Swerve being in a relationship” (I had always head canoned her as lesbian and had mentioned it, not that my opinions ever matter).

There were several nights that I ended up crying myself to sleep, even considering ending my own life just because I felt like no one would even care if I died. I had tried to be funny, tried my best to make them like me, but everything I did was treated like I was wrong.

But then I met another group. A group called “Ketameme”. With them, I finally felt like I was accepted and started to feel happy again. I started to pull away from Anon’s group, and they noticed. I had been opening up to Ketameme about my friendship with anon, and they started to point out how badly I was being treated.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when Anon dmed me about a ship I liked. At the time, I had liked the ship Knockout x Arcee as a comfort ship. I was struggling with my sexuality at the time, and it was one of my first transformers ships so I kind of clinger to it. I don’t ship it anymore, and it’s mostly because of what happened.

Anon told me I was homophobic for shipping it and pretty much told me to stop. I’ll be completely honest, I reacted immaturely. I told them to fuck off and proceeded to block them while venting to Ketameme about what happened. I regret the way I reacted, because it cost me loosing three people I considered good friends. On the other hand, I felt like I was finally free.

A year goes by, I’ve mostly moved on, but then someone from the old group that I hadn’t heard from since the incident pops back up and shared how Anon had been stalking my tumblr and sharing it with the group, making fun of my art and other posts. I block them on tumblr, not sure how they even got it since I started tumblr AFTER I left the group. However, seeing the screenshots of what they said pretty much killed my enjoyment of Transformers for a long time, something I’m still trying to rekindle.

After this incident, I started reconnecting with other former friend group members and they share about how their experiences with Anon had been similar to my own. I think I’m finally able to move on…

Nope.

About a month ago, Anon tried to contact one of my friends who used to also be in the group, looking to trying to apologize and be friends with her again. She made the comment that “I’m not the one you should be apologizing too”…and then Anon hit what I honestly believe had to be the lowest of the low.

They refused to apologize to me because they claimed I was a groomer.

When I had been with the group, I was friends with a member that was about a year younger than me. I considered this person to be a sibling and would NEVER even think about hurting them in that way.

Back to current time, my friend blocks Anon and let’s me and a few other Anon survivors know what happened. We’re all shocked and disgusted.

And now we cut today. The friend that had originally shared the screenshots of Anon shit talking shared something that I have no idea about until now. I won’t post the screenshots she took, out of respect for her, but I can summarize:

Back in 2019, when she was 13, Anon, who was 17, confessed in DMs that they had a crush on her. A 17 year old having a crush on 13 year old…

She tried to gently turn them down, but Anon went on about how “I don’t blame you, how could ANYONE like me?” and shot like that. Trying to comfort them, she said she would think about it, but wasn’t sure since she was straight. Anon agrees to let her think about it, and that’s where the screenshots end.

What. The. Fuck.

Adding onto the mess, apparently Anon has posted my own tumblr and the tumblr of the friend they tried to “make amends” with in a different discord server, telling the members to “stay away” because “they’re problematic people!”

How the fuck is someone that petty after two years?

If you happen to be from that server and are reading this, please avoid Anon. They may seem sweet at first, but they’ll use you until they get bored or sick of you, and then you’re the enemy. I could go on and on about more shit they did, but this post is already super long.

Anon, if you’re reading this, please just leave me alone. I don’t know what you’re getting out of harassing me and the people who decided to cut you off, but we want to be DONE with this. Be done with YOU. Let us move on, and let yourself move on.

To everyone else who cared enough to read all of this…thank you for listening to me vent. Please stay safe out there.