Lampt3rn

Problem is I’ve only just decided this today, so that one dream I had a while ago is no longer fresh in my memory and the details are gone </3

I really need to make like a power point or something to tell my family a few things, like how it feels like my mom has stopped looking for ways to get me on testosterone even though I fully understand life’s been crazy lately.

How I know both testosterone and top surgery are expensive and there’s two of us going to college next year (so it’s not a good time, but I really wanted either one before going).

How I would’ve preferred top surgery or testosterone instead of the (expensive) vacation we’re doing this summer.

How I don’t want to swim or go to the gym because of my chest, how I’ll do those things after I get top surgery or testosterone. They’re not only not a top priority for me, but I also feel like the gym will do almost nothing for me unless I’m able to actually gain muscle mass. Maybe I just get demotivated very quickly with things I don’t like, but still.

How the reason I don’t shower every other day is because it feels like a chore.

How every time they comment on my smell (I know.) or my inactivity (I know.) it makes me want to do it less and just makes me feel upset over things I can’t control.