i wish i could kill myself for like five minutes just to see everyone's reactions
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@lamentationsofasinner
i wish i could kill myself for like five minutes just to see everyone's reactions

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Only day you can reblog this
Next time you can reblog will be on 26th January 2025
Another Sunday the 26th!
Happy Sunday the 26th everyone!
yall ever just yearn? ever get filled with the most profound sense of longing for something you cant understand? yall ever crave? ever have an unexplainable ache?
your assigned ilya of the day really likes him, guys <3

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A compilation of inherently BOY things I think Ilya does during his first time at the cottage that fundamentally ruin his cool-guy image for Shane in the most endearing way possible:
- Ilyaâs first sunburn, which is Very Bad. His are all cheeks all flushed and heâs walking funny and hissing through his teeth as he pushes on the reddened skin as it turns yellow. He yelps any time Shane tries to touch it, which is all the time because itâs funny and also because he likes touching Ilya.
- Shane catches a little sunfish off the end of the dock and puts it in a bucket full of water and Ilya sits in a Slavic squat in front of that bucket for hours on the dock watching the fish swim around. Heâs sticking his hand in there to try and touch it and making embarrassing noises and jerking his hand away when he does manage to brush a finger along the scales. Until Shane tells him it needs to be released at some point and then Ilya is insisting on being the one to do it.
- Utterly failing at water skiing, with Shane trying to give tips while David drives the boat. Full on face of water, sputtering eating-shit so many times but insisting on going again, because Shane can do it so Ilya will do it too.
- Not tying up his shorts tight enough the first time David takes them tubing (despite his calm demeanour, once David has a tube behind his boat he drives like a maniac) and Ilya almost loses his shorts, white booty out. Shane canât help but smack his ass and cackle as Ilya tries desperately to hold onto the tube handle with one hand and his shorts (that are around his knees) with the other while they continue to fly across the water.
- Ilya trying to dive off the dock in a life jacket because Shane told him it was impossible and now of course he has to try.
- Ilya in a life jacket in general.
- Ilya with a mosquito bite. Itching itching itching while Shane slaps at his hands and tells him to stop. Itâs gets all red and raised bump, and Ilyaâs kind of self conscious but he still canât stop scratching and cursing mosquitos as he does. But then Shaneâs pressing a careful thumbnail into an X over the bite and Ilyaâs fascinated by another way he can be close to Shane.
- Ilya on the dock, on his stomach watching a spider eat a bug in its web for an undetermined amount of time. Heâs narrating for Shane with a slightly disgusted but fascinated tinge to his voice who is suntanning beside him, sunglasses on.
- Ilya in the marsh trying to catch a frog after David explains how Shane used to do it all the time. Heâs finally got one, calling Shaneâs name with so much excitement and a frog cupped between his hands. Of course itâs the largest fugliest frog in the marsh so then theyâre both crouched down, staring into Ilya cupped palms arguing about whether or not the frog is cute (Ilya says it is, Shane says itâs ugly)
- Ilya with a leech from the marsh stuck onto his ankle. Heâs actually Losing His Shit about this one. freaky, disgusting, Canadian blood sucker. Why the fuck would they even have these things in the lake. Shane has to pull it off. Obviously he lets Ilya chase him around the property throwing his ankle towards Shane screaming âget it off, Shane! Get it off!â before he has Ilya sit on a sun chair and performs leech surgery on his ankle while Ilya whimpers (non-sexily).
Sincerely, someone who grew up with a Canadian family cottage.
i need ilya to be the little spoon so bad. i need shane to be so curled up around him. i need him nuzzling into shaneâs chest. i need his curls to be pet and played with. i need him tucked into shaneâs neck. i need his back scratched. i need shane cooing in his ear. i need him to have so many soothing kisses. i need him to wake up so wrapped up and loved up, he forgets for a moment that he ever felt lonely.
yiou can only reblog this post on july 17th dont reblog it on any other day or you will be boiled
what the fuck
you can't boil me it's july 17th
shane and ilya definitely caused some divorces; "I need someone who looks at me like shane and ilya look at eachother" "idk I get annoyed by my husband but shane and ilya spend 24 hours together A DAY and still want more" "ilya showed me the car shane bought for him and how he had to bid for it and restore it and drive 4 hours to get it and I dont remember the last time my husband bought me anything" "my wife just gets annoyed when I talk about hockey and yes i know it's my job but it's my life! hollander and rozanov watch tape together literally holding hands and she won't even come to games" "he never knows what I'm talking about or want and I have to spell out EVERYTHING and once I saw shane and ilya talk telepathically!!!! they didn't even say anything but they knew and I really want that"
they're stunned when someone tells them, "yeah things weren't so great and then we saw you two together and realized we never had that"
Have we considered that between Ilya Slavanov and Mr. Autism 3000 this is probably how they look to the outside world even when they're as happy as can be đ

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sorry I saw a post about AAVE and got fired up and had to make this
how come you only become aware of how tipsy you are in bathrooms
Shane getting criticized for not using pride tape and heâs caught on a mic later that week saying I didnât realize it wasnât the sucking dick that made me gay but the rainbow . Which is how he comes out.
@persimmony-snicket EXACTLYYYY
LIKES TO CHARGE REBLOGS TO CAST
you people aren't CASTING
can we stop pretending that yuna hollander doesnt swear or like swearing. one of the first things she says about ilya is âfuck him. fuck him right up the butt.â

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i tried making a contrapuntal poem for hollanov, which can be read 3 ways: shaneâs side alone, ilyaâs side alone, or both sides together. inspired by the long game.
âlily evans is deadâ explain this then