Lame

The birds included were:

A Partridge in a Pear Tree- Both things uncommon in the country, partridges having gone extinct in the region due to hunting in 1763, when the last of its kind was shot down by The Duke Of Ellingsby and left for his dogs. Pear trees cannot grow in the region at all.

Two Turtle Doves- The rarest known dove, now completely extinct as it was hunted for its precious shell. As the only shelled bird, the Turtle Dove died out around 1850. Its shell was often used to make frames for glasses.

Three French Hens- The French Hen was not technically a hen, but a species of vulture which resembled a chicken. This species was farmed, not hunted, but was exceedingly scarce as the breed was closely controlled by its farmers, the French family who would go on to introduce “Bird Mustard,” a type of mustard meant specifically for the breed. French’s Mustard is still made today.

Four Calling Birds- A “Calling Bird” refers to a Aves Cornelius, Or the Calling Cornish Grouse as it’s known today. It exists now only in zoos. The bird is notable for its male having a corkscrew shaped 14 inch penis, which was dried and and turned to powder for use as an aphrodisiac at the time.

Five Golden Rings- Referring to the Gold Ringed Pheasant, a delicacy which was overhunted to extinction, the last known specimen being eaten by Gerald Geraldson Esq. who consumed the bird with a dollop of French’s Bird Mustard.

Six Geese-a-Laying- This does not refer to Geese laying eggs but to Alayin Geese, golden geese which were likely the inspiration for a goose that could lay a golden egg. They were already extinct by the time the song was written, but this fact was not known until around 1830.

Seven Swans a-Swimming- Swans are common today but only because of an intensive breeding program. They were as rare in the 1780s in England as Astatine is today. This is why the duck in “The Ugly Duckling” is so remarkable, not for its beauty but for its rarity.

Eight Maids-a-Milking- The Maidenbird was the only known bird to have live birth and nurse its young with milk. “Maiden’s Milk” was used to make the original egg-nog, which was a royal delicacy reserved only for the children of the king and queen and even to them it was only served on Christmas. The bird is now extinct.

Nine Ladies Dancing- Seems an odd gift to give a lover doesn’t it? Unless you know that the Dancing Lady Eagle was the only eagle to live in England at the time. It was named for its habit of shaking violently to rid itself of Eagle Ticks, which resembled a frenzied dance. It was trophy hunted to near extinction, and lives only in captivity now. As the tick has gone extinct, it no longer dances.

Ten Lordes-a-Leaping (To use the spelling of the time)- The Lorde Heron still exists today, though it is no longer called the “Leaping Lorde” as it was in the time of the song. Identical visually to the Royal Heron, the only way to tell if a Lorde is a Royal is whether the genome runs in its blood. The Royal gene being extremely rare, that kind of luxury was not for most people, who could only afford a different buzzard.

Eleven Pipers Piping- The Piper Finch is still rare though it’s sold today at some pet shops and bird markets. Its voice was said once to be the most beautiful sound in the world, but is now considered a nuisance by most. The Piper Finch is most famous as the type of bird seen adorning the tip of the Washington Monument, as George Washington raised the animals. The British Piper Tax was one of the reasons the colonies split off to form the modern country of New England.

Twelve Drummers Drumming- The Drumming Magpie. Immortalized by Gioachino Rossini in his opera “La Gazza Tamburo.” The rarest bird in England by far, only three were known to exist at the time of the song’s writing. This would make twelve of them an exceptional rarity and near impossibility to crown the parade of gift birds. The drumming Magpie is named for its habit of tapping on trees to drive out maggots and grubs for it to eat.

So there you have it, the song is a love song about finding the rarest birds in England for the one you love. This stands in stark contrast to “The Eight Days of Hanukkah” in which the gifts include horseradish, cement, hair dye, a basketball, and lint.