been there? not physically.

I know that feel. I’ve been in isolation for about four years due to illness. It was let’s say a very difficult life change. I crashed out of the world pretty hard and spent a few months in bed in constant pain wishing I was dead, while everyone thought I was just being incredibly rude. It sucked.

I’m saying this because I’m about to drop a few pieces of advice and I want you to know that they’re coming from a place of experience and empathy.

We are nowhere near the end of this crisis. We need to be ready for the long haul, because we still have months of isolation, restriction, and caution ahead of us. This is normal now. That’s a lot to deal with. This sucks.

And hey if you’re still enjoying the veg-out binging netflix in your pyjamas with a bucket of chicken phase, that’s great. You deserve to rest. Come back to this post later when you need it.

But if you’re realising there’s actually a limit to how long social media, TV, and video games can keep you civil? Let me help with that.

0. Thank you. I’m immunocompromised, so thank you for staying home, washing your hands, and following the guidelines to flatten the curve and slow the spread of the virus so I don’t die. I know it’s hard. Remember you’re doing a good thing.

1. Keep using the internet to stay in touch and communicate with people so you feel less lonely. Use social media to socialise, not as a news source. Learn new things, fall in a wikihole, tell someone something interesting you just found out. But logging off will do you a power of good.

2. You need to engage your other senses to stave off depression. Your body and your senses need to be kept occupied, not just your brain. Learn to cook from scratch, try new recipes, bake something, have a home spa day, light that fancy scented candle you’ve been holding on to for a special occasion.

3. Oh yeah, whatever you’ve been holding onto for a special occasion, bust that baby out now. The nice outfit, the posh food, the fancy soap, whatever little treats you have squirreled away. Instead of saving them for a special occasion, use them to create an occasion and make it special. If nothing else, it will help stop the days blurring into each other quite so horribly.

4. Don’t get drunk. A drink is ok, but a hangover will make everything feel worse.

5. Your round toit is here. Mend and repair those things, do a deep clean, rearrange that room, organise that stuff, do some arts and crafts, try a new hobby. Make and do something with your hands. BUT! Pace yourself. Spread things out a bit. Do a little bit of this and that each day, instead of doing one thing all day or everything in one day.

6. Don’t sleep in. Go to bed early, take naps, get your rest, but if you’re going to have to go back to work after this, you really don’t want to let your sleep pattern shift, and the best way to avoid that is by not sleeping in. Sorry. Really, I am so sorry.

7. You need to move your body, especially when you feel anxious. Anxiety is in the body, you can’t think your way out of it, you need to move. Yoga is uh fine I guess, pretty good for stress, but tai chi is actually a lot better for anxiety. Or do some bodyweight exercises, or pilates. Or come up with some choreography and rehearse it and then perform it in the street for your neighbours. Or just pace around the house like a zoo animal, and roar occasionally. Roaring helps too.

8. Mind your diet. I know it’s a hassle when you can’t go grocery shopping as often and you’re probably eating more tinned and frozen foods than usual, but do your best to vary your meals and eat a balanced diet. Don’t add nutritional deficiencies and the misery of food boredom to your problems. And stay hydrated.

9. Look after something living. If you don’t have a child or a pet or a garden or a houseplant, try growing some sprouts or microgreens, or start a sourdough mother or a ginger bug. Nurturing and caring for something alive (even yeast) is incredibly healing and stabilising. Also we’re starting to realise plants are super important for mental, emotional, and physical health. Humans need green time, so if you don’t have a houseplant maybe see about getting one.

10. Be thankful. I don’t mean in a stupid platitude way like “some people have it worse” or anything fake like that. You can still be angry, bored, outraged, frightened, disappointed, exhausted, dismayed. But to avoid falling into meaningless grey despair, set aside a few minutes each day and find things to be grateful about on purpose. It doesn’t have to be big. Your pet has been super affectionate? Favourite youtuber uploaded? Weather was kind of nice? New episode of that show you like? Chair comfy af? Tasty breakfast? Recognise it and be thankful for it. You don’t have to be thankful TO anyone or anything in particular, just be thankful FOR something in particular. Try for five things per day to start, but do more if you want.

11. Take some cosy time. I think this is maybe kind of like hygge? Spend some time each day doing something that makes you feel calm and cosy and safe. Build a blanket fort or snuggle up with a hot drink and a book, and just be cosy for an hour or so. This is a very stressful and frightening event we’re all going through so making a deliberate effort to cultivate feelings of warmth, contentment, and safety every day will help fend off trauma.

12. Speaking of books, reading a book engages your brain differently from watching a movie or listening to a podcast, and is very good for your brain and mood. If you have a to-read pile you’re probably already making a dent in it but if you don’t, or if you’ve reached the bottom of it, a lot of writers and publishers are offering free ebooks to help with isolation. You can read ebooks on your phone if you don’t have an ereader or tablet.

13. Balance your news intake. Restrict the amount of time you spend looking at news about the pandemic, and limit yourself to a few reliable sources. For every hour you spend reading the news and watching the scary numbers go up, spend an hour specifically looking for good news. Incompetent governments are failing their people, a minority of profiteers are trying to take advantage of the situation, and a lot of people are sick and dying, but that’s not the whole story. People can be SO GOOD. Did you hear about the medical drama shows donating their PPE to hospitals & fire departments? And the cosplayers and actors doing in-character birthday videos for kids who can’t have parties? People are helping each other, taking care of each other, there is so much good news so look for it, and then share it.

14. Get fresh air & sunshine. If you have a garden or a balcony, use it. Spend as much time there as the weather allows. Open your windows, weather permitting. Pull a chair up next to a window and read a book. Depending on your location, you may even be safe to shove your hands in your pockets and go for a walk–but keep at least 2m away from other people and if you’re in a hard lockdown or enforced quarantine, don’t flout it.

15. If you’re working from home, be able to close a door on your work space. When I worked remotely I had the computer set up in a wardrobe because I didn’t have a wholeass room for it, and I would unplug it and close the door on it at the end of my shift, it was a real sanity saver. Even if you don’t passionately hate your job, be able to close a door on it. Closing a physical door helps your brain to keep your work compartmentalised away from your home life, and helps you control work-related stress.

16. Do something for someone else. We’re a social species, we have a fundamental need to help others. It makes us feel connected, less isolated, and that’s something we all need right now. If you have a sewing machine, make masks for people who need them. If you have money, drop some of it on gofundme’s to help people who’ve lost their jobs make rent. If you bought too much toilet paper and you’re starting to realise that was a mistake, ask your neighbours if they need any. Live stream a cooking class. Teach someone how to use skype. There is something you can do to help someone else, so find it and do it. You will feel better for it.

17. The corollary to helping is: accept help from others. Helping others is one way we strengthen our social bonds, accepting help is another. Plus right now there’s a lot of ways that accepting help is also helping others. If someone offers to pick up groceries or a prescription for you while they’re getting their own, that’s helping everyone, the fewer people in the stores the better.

18. Avoid platitudes. They’re actually harmful, not helpful. Be sincere, both in expressing your own feelings and when other people share theirs with you. To be perfectly honest I’m pretty bad at this, it’s hard not to make jokes and deflect, but it’s so important right now to communicate authentically. I know how uncomfortable it can be but do your best. When we feel deeply heard and understood, we feel less alone. It’s still ok to be silly and goofy, just be honest and compassionate as well.

19. Mind your temper. Try not to lash out or get drawn into arguments, it won’t make you feel any better. You might get an easy rush and some attention out of it, but afterwards you’ll just feel more isolated than ever, and you risk permanently alienating people around you.

20. Everyone’s process is different. Don’t try to police other people’s emotions. Respect that we’re all processing this at different speeds and in different ways. We’re off the map, in an unprecedented situation, there’s no “right” way to feel about that. Invalidating other people’s feelings is a surefire way to push them away, and we all don’t need any of that right now.

21. Keep taking care of yourself. Keep cleaning your teeth, bathing, changing your clothes, brushing your hair, doing your laundry. Keep taking your meds, doing your exercises, getting enough sleep, eating on time. Not just to avoid a big personal crisis when it’s time to go outside again, but also because you deserve it.

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