Mine

my mother, completely deadpan: well are they reviewing the theatrical release or director's cut.

me:

Some of the more argued points were clearer in the directors cut, particularly with the exposition in the scene around the 30 minute mark.

YEAH, I SAID IT!

Look past your love of the story and characters and really look at the changes they made. There's a reason they cut the bakery scene in the Theatrical Release. It's called pacing!

If you want those types of extra scenes, that's what fanfiction is for. There are so many talented writers out there that will give you whatever flavor of Goncharov you're looking for.

but then I realised that same challenge would be infinitely more funny with folks who have atypical or horror OCs