Nobody's Mrs.

me every time i spend over $50 on something, no matter how worthy of my money it is: oh god. what have i done. what have i just done. what have i

I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

reblog for next thursday to be the best day of your life

100 to 0

he attac but then he snac

#this looks more like an awkward sixth grade slow dance than it does hockey

Aw best part is no ones left out at this dance

#pure

That is cute.

I say things like “I’m not interested in sports” I really have to give a caveat to explain I really mean “sportsball”, those mass media team sporting events that lead to white privilege riots and fill the pockets of millionaires and billionaires. Because this? This is incredible, just the athleticism, what bodies can do, female, male, young or adult, differently abled…just awesome.

^^^^

Imagine saying this without a hint of irony. Imagine being that dense and evil.

Imagine putting that person in a guillotine.

Do you ever think about how sperm don’t work right at body temperature and that’s why males have external testicles? Design-wise that is such a huge risk to take. Your most important organ is swinging free outside your body, vulnerable to injury or attack. All because one (1) type of cell, your fucking gametes for christ’s sake, cannot function at the normal body temperature of the organism they belong to. What the fuck. I never want to hear a man try and say females are biologically inferior ever again.

While I’m at it also they have to share one hole that they both pee and have sex out of. That’s fucking gross and unsanitary. Everytime a man cums in you you’re also getting all the pee that was in his urethra enjoy that thought ladies. You know how many holes birds have? One. They pee, poop and have sex all in the same hole it’s called the cloaca. You know how many holes women have? Three. Because we evolved one. Evolution-wise, men fall somewhere between a chicken and a human female. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.

vantablack doge

oooOOOOOHHH

So beautiful! 😍

Does Prague know he’s a good boy?

If I didn’t remember actually reading this in an actual Calvin and Hobbes book as a child I’d think it was ironically photoshopped like those comics where Mickey Mouse and Goofy talk about how reality is an illusion but this comic strip was actually just……. already………… like that……………

#this enrages me every time i see it for the simple fact that john mulaney would have been 15 when princess diana died #which begs the question #if he’s lying #does that mean he did it?

I’m like reverse whorephobic tbh like I couldn’t care less how many people you fucking but damn sis he ain’t buy you dinner? He won’t pay to get your nails done? Not even a gel mani? Straight polish? He won’t fill up your tank? Wowwwwww that’s so gross how can you deal with that honestly like don’t you ever feel like you’re just giving away your body do you think you’ll ever find someone willing to love you and buy you a pair of shoes knowing how many men you slept with for free? Why do you do it? Cause you have low self esteem? What would your parents say if they knew? Do they know he’s sleeping on your couch and not putting nothing on the light bill? SAD