Hi, I recently got an ADHD & autism diagnosis. They said my ADHD was most prominent and Iâm kinda still figuring out how that works. Supposedly more routine would help get my stress down, but I have had an internship before where I had 6 weeks of doing the same thing and it made me so miserable. I have never been able to stick with routine. Do you have experience/advice for this? I donât wanna choose between stress and misery.
    Itâs true that routine can be simultaneously very helpful and very frustrating for people like us. ADHDers especially (myself included) can often struggle to initiate tasks without external structure to support them while simultaneously feeling as though routine is a hindrance that limits their freedom and forces them into monotony.
   As with most things, it may be worth doing some research to see what resources are out there. While itâs a lot of work to sift through them, they might inspire you to try something you hadnât thought of before. By searching âADHD and routineâ I was able to find this one that offers advice on how to build a routine as a person with ADHD, which seems to have some pretty solid ideas, although some may work better for you than others.
    I also like to try to make use of resources such as this one that are written from the perspective of a parent helping their ADHD child. Despite not being written for someone with ADHD themselves, the advice can still be worthwhile, so I try to recontextualise them in my mind as though Iâm the in-control parent and my ADHD is the child that just wonât listen.
     That being said, I feel like a lot of these resources tend to lack a bit of nuance and donât often address the pitfalls that I (and Iâm assuming other ADHDers) often struggle with and what to do about them. âDo this consistently until it becomes habitâ is easier said than done, after all, and I often find myself frustrated with the advice given rather than inspired.
    So while I donât have it entirely figured out yet, I do have some thoughts that have come up over time that may be helpful if you tend to struggle in similar ways that I do.
    Iâll start by saying that if you already know that doing the exact same thing consistently makes you miserable, then I wouldnât consider that a viable option for you, at least not for right now. If the point of routine is to keep your stress down, then it needs to be built in a way that doesnât just defeat the entire purpose by stressing you out in a different way.
    However, I also think that doing the exact same thing consistently isnât the only way you can establish some routine in your life.
    To illustrate, letâs consider the ways my friend and I do groceries. My friend always does his groceries every other Monday morning, and he goes around the store and gets the things he needs based on the order they appear on his list. I, on the other hand, donât have a consistent day or time that I do my grocery shopping, but what I do have is a specific route through a specific store that I follow to get the same items each time I go.
    Notably, we both have a grocery routine that works for us, but the routine aspects manifest in almost completely opposite ways. So with this in mind, I would encourage you to think about what kinds of consistency will be most beneficial to you. How rigid or loose your routine is is up to you, as well as the aspects of it which are routine in the first place.
    Additionally, if youâre able to recognise and identify some of the things that cause your stress to build, it might be possible to tailor your routine around helping to eliminate or reduce them.
    For example, if you get stressed trying to decide what to prepare for each meal, perhaps designating a time on Sunday to plan your meals for the next week, or in the evening to plan for the following day, would be beneficial. That way you can establish a routine that specifically removes the stressful experience of trying to make decisions and prepare a meal while already hungry.
    While the example given may or may not be a problem you personally experience, the same mentality can hopefully be applied to a variety of situations. If you know of a scenario that regularly comes up and causes stress, is there a way to establish a routine that negates it?
    I also think itâs important to mention that itâs okay (and even encouraged) to eschew whatâs conventional and replace it with what works. While developing your routine, never limit yourself to whatâs expected of you just for the sake of doing things the way other people do them. Take some time to think about the limitations in place on your routine and consider whether theyâre actual limitations or arbitrary expectations.
    For example, my ADHD therapist goes to bed much later than most people and then his days donât start until noon. Thatâs his sleep schedule, which is atypical but still consistent, and itâs what works for him. Donât be afraid to do things in an unusual way if they work within your circumstances and make things easier on you.
  Equally important is to remember that establishing a new routine should be a gradual process. Donât expect yourself to just suddenly completely change your way of life and stick with it; start slow by focusing on just one or a couple simple tasks to turn into a habit, then gradually add more once those become easier to do consistently. If youâre anything like me, trying to set up a whole routine right at the beginning is setting yourself up for failure because itâll be so intimidating youâll never actually do it.
    Finally, if youâre struggling to stick to a routine yourself, it may be beneficial to externalise some aspects of it. I, like many other ADHDers, have no internal motivation whatsoever, but caring for a dog means that, suddenly, my routine isnât solely dependent on me. I may not be able to do things at a consistent time for myself, but I can do usually do them when itâs his comfort at stake. Similarly, you could share your routine with friends or family, either so they can hold you accountable or so they can join in on certain activities.
    So yeah, apologies for being somewhat ramble-y and disorganised but this is one of those topics that Iâm both not super confident in and have a lot of thoughts about. Hopefully some of what I said here was helpful and youâre able to adapt it to suit your own needs. Congrats on your diagnoses and good luck moving forward! It can be a lot to contend with at first, but figuring this stuff out gets easier and more natural with time.