billowy coat, king of pain

A CONSIDERATE QUEEN who does not want to burn her bf’s flesh (...again) while they make out. 😭💕

It is canon that Angel is a sex god. In this post I, Elle Woods, will prove to you beyond reasonable doubt (legal term, even Wolfram & Hart cannot refute my case) that the writers of BtVS/Angel want you to know unequivocally that Angel is extremely good at sex no questions asked like don’t even bother attempting to argue this. 💦 As part of my evidence I will have to show you a scene in which Angel is post-coitus 🐍 with someone other than Buffy and for this I apologise; if you are sensitive to such content then pls do not scroll!! The good news is that in the aforementioned scene we are reminded that only Buffy can give Angel Perfect Happiness, and that is a Team Bangel win (500 points to the Hogwarts house of your choice), and also is it confirmed in this scene that Angel is a sexual wizard so all in all I feel the highly sensitive non-Bangel content is justified. Don’t @ me!! (Or do - I need the engagement. 💍) I present the following evidence to the court: Exhibit A1: Angel has had some sexcapades with the Transuding Furies and if Cordy wants the anti-violence spell lifted from Caritas on Angel’s behalf then Angel is gonna have to pop in to “pay” for that service with his tight little bod. When and how did these sexcapades occur? We will literally never know. I demand justice for the fandom! Tell us the exact details and positions that took place! 🕺🏼In the meantime we can only speculate. See this speculation from another Bangel: ‘In my mind he went on some EPIC bender in the 1920s, I'm talking some Hemingway/Fitzgerald shit - who now that I think of it he was probably paling around with - banged the ever loving God out of those Furies and got his tattoo.’ Lock it in guys 🔑 this is canon as far as I’m concerned.

Exhibit A2: Angel became human for one beautiful day (pls sign my change.org petition to turn it into a national holiday or day of mourning, you choose) and on that day he lost all of his vampire prowess/powers but it didn’t matter because he got to spend that day having just, like, constant sex work the Love Of His Life™️ who also happens to be Da Slayer. And you might assume that Human!Angel would have a hard time keeping up with Da Slayer who, in case you’re new here, is endowed with preternatural strength and stamina. But no, sorry - actually the opposite happened and he simply exhausted her. I repeat: Angel in human form without any of his powers, banged the strongest person on the planet until she was “pleasantly numb.” ⚰️ Excuse me? You guys!!!

Exhibit A3: I have personally been dead since this moment, in which post-coitus Nina asks Angel where he learned how to do that, and he asks which part. Because. How can he not know which part? Exactly what sort of variety show is he putting on?! 🎪 Ok king! A moment later Nina jokingly reaches into his bedside drawer for a wooden stake and finds something in there that is “not a stake.” Toys, ladies. Angel has a bedside drawer full of toys. This man is fully committed to his self-pleasure practice. 👑

Closing Statement: The audacity of these writers making Angel a Sex God and simultaneously making Buffy, The Love Of His Life™️, the one person he is not allowed to bang... the times they could have had! THE FUCKING AUDACITY!!! Please write to your local MP about this grievous injustice. I am taking this straight to the top. 😤🦒 Thank you, ladies and gentleman of the jury, for your time. In this my closing argument I would like to posit that if death is Buffy’s gift, then sex is Angel’s. 💝