mistress

‘ who lives, who dies, who tells your story? ‘

Doctor Who AU: Missy meets Thirteen.

12th/Missy (+11th,3rd, Delgado!Master ,and Nardole) doodles

still practicing with this style :D

                      but I want a truce! I ask a truce!                                      who am I without you?         show me how to reconcile two parts of my soul…

~Yeah Yeah Yeahs 

‘  i tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and i broke everything.  ’ ‘  i typed your symptoms into the thing up here and it says you could have network connectivity problems.  ’ ‘  there’s only one thing i hate more than lying: skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk.  ’ ‘  don’t be such a baby. i cooked you some bacon for a trail snack.  ’ ‘  i really only listen to german death reggae and halloween sound effects records from the 1950s.  ’ ‘  whenever she asks me for the latin names of any of our plants, i just give her the names of rappers.  ’ ‘  i once forgot to brush my teeth for five weeks.  ’ ‘  i didn’t actually sell my last car, i just forgot where i parked it.  ’ ‘  i don’t know who al gore is and at this point i’m too afraid to ask.  ’ ‘  when they say 2% milk, i don’t know what they other 98% is.  ’ ‘  i’ve only slept nine hours over the past four days so i’m right on the verge of a nervous breakdown.  ’ ‘  upon my death, all of my belongings shall transfer to the man or animal who has killed me.  ’ ‘  since i am not a rabbit, no, i do not want a salad.  ’ ‘  you’re like an angel with no wings.  ’ ‘  oh my god you have to stop using the word ‘nipple.’  ’ ‘  you’re right, i know. i have to be a grown up… but it’s so hard!  ’ ‘  i was reading an encyclopedia and i tripped or ‘fell over’ and hit my head. or ‘brain helmet.’  ’ ‘  oh my god, your boobs are dead.  ’ ‘  i have a medical condition, alright! it’s called caring too much and it’s incurable!  ’ ‘  he put all my records into this rectangle! the songs just play one right after the other! this is an excellent rectangle!  ’ ‘  if i keep my body moving and my mind occupied at all times, i will avoid falling into a bottomless pit of despair.  ’ ‘  guys love it when you can show them you’re better than they are at something they love.  ’ ‘  jogging is the worst. i mean, i know it keeps you healthy, but god, at what cost?  ’ ‘  i have done nothing wrong, ever, in my life.  ’ ‘  i know this and i love you.  ’ ‘  that’s too much responsibility. i gotta find a way out of this.  ’ ‘  you are a wonderful person. your friendship means a lot to me and you look very beautiful.  ’ ‘  i was kind of getting sick of listening to them talk about their relationship, but then i remembered that alcohol existed.  ’ ‘  i got stung once and i’m immune. go ahead and sting me, bees! it does nothing!  ’ ‘  i’m not afraid of cops! i have no reason to be. i never break any laws, ever… because i’m deathly afraid of cops.  ’ ‘  i’m fine. it’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters and i’m always tired.  ’ ‘  there will be alcohol there, so i will go as well.  ’ ‘  i can’t go because i don’t want to.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna stay angry, i find that relaxes me!  ’ ‘  i don’t want to seem overdramatic, but i don’t really care what happens here.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna leave early and go home.  ’ ‘  if any of you need anything at all, too bad.  ’ ‘  you have never been neutral on anything in your life. you have an opinion on pockets.  ’ ‘  dance up on me!  ’ ‘  i have an idea, it’s very uncool. it’s not illegal, technically. but it is a dick move.  ’ ‘  one time my refrigerator stopped working. i didn’t know what to do. i just moved.  ’ ‘  you’re stupid and you’re drunk and you’re stupid.  ’ ‘  you don’t even know one thing. i didn’t even say one thing and then she asked me the whole thing and i didn’t even do it once.  ’ ‘  i’m like an elephant, okay? if i walk into a room, it’s like, ‘oh he’s in there.’  ’ ‘  bababooey.  ’ ‘  mac and cheese pizza?! you’re making that?!  ’ ‘  i was dying earlier today. and then i died. now i’m dead.  ’ ‘  the only thing i will be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!  ’ ‘  i don’t want to be overdramatic, but today felt like 100 years in hell and the absolute worst day of my life.  ’ ‘  i have been kind of tense lately. just thinking about the new star wars sequel.  ’ ‘  it does look sad. kind of. sorry for stepping on you, floor.  ’ ‘  if you rearrange the letters of peru, you can spell europe.  ’ ‘  you’re as guilty as you are sexy.  ’ ‘  this maze is like a maze.  ’ ‘  sometimes when i blow my nose, i get a boner. i don’t know why. it just happens.  ’ ‘  so i feel like you were mad at me yesterday and i don’t know why so i made a list of everything i did and i’m gonna try not to do any of them again.  ’ ‘  no, i’m not crying, okay? i’m allergic to jerks!  ’ ‘  i don’t even have time to tell you how wrong you are… actually, it’s going to bug me if i don’t.  ’ ‘  with all due respect, you’re a major dick.  ’ ‘  the calzones… betrayed me?  ’ ‘  who hasn’t had gay thoughts?  ’ ‘  do you think a depressed person could make this? no!  ’ ‘  i like your energy. what do you say you and i ride go-karts later?  ’ ‘  three words: treat. yo. self.  ’ ‘  treat yo self. it’s the best day of the year!  ’ ‘  i’ll tell you what. here’s the deal. if you get fired, i’ll quit, and we’ll leave together. i’m serious! move to a new city, change our names… burn our fingertips off with acid… swap faces… if we have to.  ’ ‘  monsters don’t have souls? uh, have you seen monsters inc?  ’ ‘  i make my money the old fashioned way: i got run over by a lexus.  ’ ‘  i took this thing called ‘zapvigil’ which apparently is what israeli fighter pilots use to stay awake so… right now it looks like i’m talking to a giant crab. stay away from me crab!  ’ ‘  well, you suck at being polite, sir.  ’ ‘  at one point, for no reason, i just took off my shoes and held them in my hand.  ’ ‘  three, two, one, and my shift’s over… what the fuck is your problem?!  ’ ‘  math is worthless in real life. i mean, there’s an app for calculating tips. that’s all you need.  ’ ‘  your house isn’t haunted, you’re lonely.  ’ ‘  just because i can’t go out with him, someone else can? wow.  ’ ‘  oh, this is bad. i should not have done this.  ’ ‘  she’s the worst person i’ve ever met. i want to travel the world with her.  ’ ‘  no, no, no, no. i’m not lonely. i have me.  ’ ‘  i love watching russian traffic accidents on youtube while i play children’s music at the wrong rpm.  ’ ‘  god, i am so annoyed that he would hypothetically do that.  ’ ‘  you beautiful, rule-breaking moth.  ’ ‘  you beautiful, naive, sophisticated newborn baby.  ’ ‘  you beautiful tropical fish.  ’ ‘  hope no one minds if i livetweet this bitch!  ’ ‘  i just want to hear the doctor say that he had a fart attack. is that too much to ask?  ’ ‘  the only things i like are dogs and sleeping late.  ’ ‘  it kind of sucks that i’m super broke and i want to buy you stuff and it’s embarrassing that i can’t.  ’ ‘  i don’t want anything. i just want to hang out with you.  ’ ‘  you’ve killed my spirit. my spirit’s blood is on your hands.  ’ ‘  i hate people.  ’ ‘  you can see the stars, which i hate. they’re creepy.  ’ ‘  i will kill you slowly with a giant syringe.  ’ ‘  what? i love garbage.  ’ ‘  i only tell the truth when it makes me sound like i’m lying.  ’ ‘  i want to be burned at the stake.  ’ ‘  i’m going to murder you a thousand times.  ’ ‘  people who buy things are suckers.  ’ ‘  this is 100% certified for realskis.  ’ ‘  well, if there’s anyone who can bring my parents together, it’s no one. no one can ever bring them together.  ’ ‘  getting married is the bravest, most wonderful thing you can do because every day you come home and you’re just like, ‘what? it’s you! i love you! you’re my sexy roommate. we love each other.’  ’ ‘  i am 100% certain that i am 0% sure of what i’m going to do.  ’ ‘  my anxiety has kept me up for over 50 hours.  ’ ‘  maybe we should find the person who stole your positive attitude.  ’ ‘  scientists believe that the first human being who will live 150 years has already been born. i believe i am that human being.  ’ ‘  messy is fun, okay? my whole life is a giant mess and i love it.  ’ ‘  friendship is better because friends help you move. they drive you to the airport. boyfriends just… love you and marry you.  ’ ‘  i hope you brought a change of clothes cause your eyes are about to piss tears.  ’ ‘  everything hurts and i’m dying.  ’ ‘  i need you to text me every 30 seconds saying everything’s gonna be okay.  ’ ‘  let me just say, from the bottom of my heart: my bad.  ’ ‘  there are no consequences to my actions anymore. i’m like a white, male u.s. senator.  ’ ‘  hey, are you busy? and writing star trek fan fiction does not count.  ’ ‘  what do we…? like, what do we do? like, what do we do? um, how- how do we- how…? how… how… how? what do we do?!  ’ ‘  oh, also, i have a little secret… i’m drunk.  ’ ‘  i do say the cutest stuff.  ’ ‘  i don’t want to cause a panic… news flash: we’re screwed!  ’ ‘  velvet slippies, cashmere socks, velvet pants, cashmere turtle. i’m a cashmere-velvet candy cane.  ’ ‘  you shut your mouth! you have all the strengths!  ’ ‘  never half-ass two things. whole-ass one thing.  ’ ‘  i’m a simple man. i like pretty, dark-haired women and breakfast food.  ’ ‘  i guess i kind of hate most things, but i never really seem to hate you.  ’ ‘  time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge. let’s go!  ’ ‘  i have no idea what i’m doing, but i know i’m doing it really, really well.  ’ ‘  ovaries before brovaries.  ’ ‘  sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot.  ’ ‘  i have never taken the high road, but i tell people to ‘cause then there’s more room for me on the low road.  ’ ‘  just remember, every time you look up at the moon, i, too, will be looking at a moon. not the same moon, obviously. that’s impossible.  ’ ‘  i’m just gonna go live under a bridge and ask people riddles before they cross.  ’ ‘  i love games that turn people against each other.  ’ ‘  i don’t care about that prize, but i’m gonna win because i want his happiness to go away.  ’ ‘  that is the coolest sentence i have ever heard somebody talk.  ’ ‘  i wanted to make fun of stupid people while i get drunk. my two true passions.  ’ ‘  i am big enough to admit that i am often inspired by myself.  ’ ‘  if i could go back in time and cut your eyeballs out, i would.  ’

‘  when will you learn? when will you learn that your actionS HAVE CONSEQUENCES!  ’ ‘  can i get a waffle??? can i PLEASE get a waffle!!!  ’ ‘  go suck a dick, suck a dick suck a motherfucking dick  ’ ‘  you better stop! biTCH STOP  ’ ‘  do you ever like wake up and do something and you’re just like what the hec– fuck is goin on  ’ ‘  what’s good, brah you don’t know me! you don’t– WHAT IS GOOD! YOU DON’T KNOW! YOU DON’T KNOW ME! ’ ‘  it’s summer i got my hat on backwards and it’s time to fucking party  ’ ‘  anyone ever tell you you look like beyonce?  ’ ‘  I LOVE YOU, BITCH. I AIN’T EVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU BITCH  ’ ‘  BITCH I HOPE THE FUCK YOU DO YOU’LL BE A DEAD SON OF A BITCH, I TELL YOU THAT  ’ ‘  and they were roommates!  ’ ‘  oh my god, they were roommates  ’ ‘  oh my god, i love chipotle chipotle is my liiiiife   ’ ‘  this bitch empty YEET!!!!  ’ ‘  WHERE ARE THOOOOOSE  ’ ‘  THEY ARE MY CROCS  ’ ‘  bitch disgusting  ’ ‘  yeaaah. yeAAAAAH.  ’ ‘  so no head?  ’ ‘  THIS IS WHY MOM DOESN’T FUCKING LOVE YOU!  ’ ‘  i’ll kill you. i’ll kill you. i’m not even worried about it.  ’ ‘  ahh, fuck. i can’t believe you’ve done this  ’ ‘  aHH STOP! i could’ve dropped my croissant!  ’ ‘  what’s up me and my boys are going to see uncle kracker  ’ ‘  give me my hat back, jordan!  ’ ‘  do you wanna go see uncle kracker or no!?  ’ ‘  i sneezed! oh, i’m not allowed to sneeze?!  ’ ‘  look at all those chickens  ’ ‘  i smell like beef  ’ ‘  i gotta go home cause i forgot to… vacuum my room  ’ ‘  actually, megan, i can’t sit anywhere. i have hemorrhoids.  ’ ‘  is there anything better than pussy? yes! a really good book  ’ ‘  mom, i’m peein on myself  ’ ‘  sorry, i’m on the toilet. i hope the ice cream don’t melt, bitch  ’ ‘  honestly i don’t remember, i was probably fucked up. yeah, i was crazy back then  ’ ‘  I WON’T HESITATE, BITCH!  ’ ‘  just shut up and die slowly, okay?  ’ ‘  two bros chillin in a hot tub five feet apart cause they’re not gay!  ’ ‘  mother trucker, dude! that hurt like a butt cheek on a stick!  ’ ‘  i said WHOEVER THREW THAT PAPER, YOUR MOMS A HO  ’ ‘  you remember one time i liked you? GOOD! cause it never happened  ’ ‘  if your name is junior and you’re really handsome, come on raise your hand  ’ ‘  i’M WASHIN ME AND MY CLOTHES, BITCH! I’M WASHING ME AND MY CLOTHES  ’ ‘  waddup i’m jared, i’m nineteen, and i never fucking learned how to read  ’ ‘  whAT THE FUCK IS UP, KYLE? NO WHAT’D YOU SAY? WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE! STEP THE FUCK UP KYLE  ’ ‘  oh my god why can’t you just take the fricken compliMENT  ’ ‘  is that a wEED? i’m callin the police!!!  ’ ‘  yo, drink this vodka down the hatch c’mon  ’ ‘  it is wednesday, my dudes. aaaaAAAAAAH  ’ ‘  there is only one thing worst than a rapist… a child!  ’ ‘  get to del taco, they got a new thing called fre shavocado  ’ ‘  *to the tune of ghostbusters* i’m an adult virgin  ’ ‘  hi my name is tre, i have a basketball game tomorrooooow  ’ ‘  babeyou’reafuckingbitchiwantyoutogetthefuckoutofmycarcauseiwannabreakupwithyou i fucking hate you   ’ ‘  todays forecast we can clearly see that somebody got me fucked up. FUCKED. UP.  ’ ‘  whAT’S UP FUCKERS  ’ ‘  FUCK YOU, THAT’S WHY  ’ ‘  he needs some milk!  ’ ‘  you are my dad. YOU’RE MY DAD! boogie woogie woogie  ’ ‘  yEAH NO SHIT, HONEY  ’ ‘  oooooh my boy going to prom. fuck it up! fuck it up! fuck it up!  ’ ‘  hey, how you doin? i’m doing just fine. i lied. i’m dying inside  ’ ‘  honey, you got a big storm comin  ’ ‘  i wanna fucking DIE  ’ ‘  road work ahead? uh yeah i sure hope it does  ’ ‘  the yo-yo master did not answer, he just kept on yo-ing  ’ ‘  welcome back to me screaming  ’ ‘  you know sometimes i think to myself what are you waiting for you dumb stupid fuuuuuuck!  ’ ‘  do you ever shut the fuck up?  ’

’ Call it what you will… fate… destiny… ’ ’ You smell that? Take a deep breath through the nose. ’ ’ Really let that seep in. ’ ’ What are you getting? ’ ’ Your thoughts? ’ ’ I don’t know why, but overall it just smells like the color brown. ’ ’ I could get used to a view like this. ’ ’ Yep, I’m used to it. Guys I want a castle. ’ ’ Great. Now I’m the bad guy. ’ ’ Look in that mirror. ’ ’ I see a strong, confident, beautiful young lady. ’ ’ Oh look, you’re here too. ’ ’ Skip the drama, stay with Mama! ’ ’ This is the story of how I died. ’ ’ Don’t worry, this is actually a very fun story and the truth is, it isn’t even mine. ’ ’ Oh… oh no… where is my satchel? ’ ’ I’ve hidden it. Somewhere you’ll never find it. ’ ’ It’s in that pot, isn’t it? ’ ’ I’m just teasing! ’ ’ How you manage to do that every single day without fail! ’ ’ It looks absolutely exhausting, darling! ’ ’ Then I don’t know why it takes so long. ’ ’ Oh, it’s nothing. ’ ’ Who are you, and how did you find me? ’ ’ I know not who you are, nor how I came to find you. ’ ’ May I just say… Hi. How ya doin’? ’ ’ You were my new dream. ’ ’ You should know that this is the strangest thing I’ve ever done! ’ ’ Let’s just assume for the moment that everyone in here doesn’t like me! ’ ’ How ‘bout best two out of three? ’ ’ Who’s that? ’ ’ They don’t like me. ’ ’ Too weak to handle myself out there, huh, ______? ’ ’ Go. Live your dream. ’ ’ Your dream stinks. I was talking to her. ’ ’ I was saying tomorrow is a really big day, and you didn’t really respond. ’ ’ I distinctly remember, your birthday was last year. ’ ’ No no no, can’t be. ’ ’ That’s the funny thing about birthdays, they’re kind of an annual thing. ’ ’ You know how I feel about the mumbling. ’ ’ Blah blah blah blah blah, it’s very annoying! ’ ’ I’m just teasing, you’re adorable. ’ ’ I love you so much, darling. ’ ’ Let me just get this straight. ’ ’ I take you to see the lanterns, bring you back home, and you’ll give me back my satchel? ’ ’ When I promise something, I never ever break that promise. ’ ’ I didn’t want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice. ’ ’ This is kind of an off-day for me. This doesn’t normally happen. ’ ’ Fine! I’ll take you to see the lanterns. ’ ’ You broke my smolder. ’ ’ Here comes the smolder. ’ ’ This is bad, this is very very bad, this is really bad… ’ ’ They just can’t get my nose right! ’ ’ Who cares? ’ ’ Well, it’s easy for you to say… ’ ’ The party lasted an entire week, and honestly, I don’t remember most of it. ’ ’ I’ve been dreaming about them my entire life! ’ ’ Haven’t any of you ever had a dream? ’ ’ What’s your dream? ’ ’ Sorry, boys. I don’t sing. ’ ’ Well, I hope you’re here to apologize. ’ ’ I have something for you too. ’ ’ I should have given it to you before, but I was scared. ’ ’ And the thing is, I’m not scared anymore. ’ ’ You know what I mean? ’ ’ All right, okay, give me a boost, and I’ll pull you up. ’ ’ I just… I can’t believe that after all we’ve been through together, you don’t… trust me? ’ ’ Sorry… my hands are full. ’ ’ I’ve been looking out of a window for eighteen years. ’ ’ And what if it is? What do I do then? ’ ’ What if it’s not everything I dreamed it would be? ’ ’ Well, that’s the good part I guess. ’ ’ You get to go find a new dream. ’ ’ That’s a lot of hair. ’ ’ Oh, now they’re just being mean. ’ ’ I can’t believe I did this! ’ ’ I mean, what she doesn’t know won’t kill her, right? ’ ’ I have made the decision to trust you. ’ ’ So, what do you want with my hair? To cut it? ’ ’ Listen, the only thing I want to do with your hair is to get out of it… ’ ’ I have a big surprise! ’ ’ Did I ever tell you I’ve got a thing for brunettes? ’ ’ Is it ruffians? Thugs? Have they come for me? ’ ’ Stay calm. It can probably smell fear. ’ ’ You should see your faces because you look - ’ ’ I didn’t see that coming. ’ ’ But I know what the big question is? ’ ’ So! Hey can I ask you something? ’ ’ Because I’m not gonna lie, that would be stupendous… ’ ’ Is there any chance that I’m going to get super strength in my hand? ’ ’ Oh. Sorry yes, just… lost in thought I guess. ’ ’ Whoaaaa! Somebody get me a glass! ’ ’ Frying pans… who knew, right? ’ ’ Sorry! Just, don’t… don’t freak out. ’ ’ Is that blood in your mustache? ’ ’ Look at all the blood in his mustache! ’ ’ I can’t help but notice you seem a little at war with yourself here. ’ ’ Now, I’m only picking up bits and pieces here, of course. ’ ’ A little rebellion, a little adventure, that’s good. Healthy, even. ’ ’ I mean, this is serious stuff. ’ ’ But let me ease your conscience. This is part of growing up. ’ ’ You’re way over thinking this, trust me. ’ ’ I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m letting you out of the deal. ’ ’ What is it going to take for me to get my satchel back? ’ ’ You can’t tell anyone about this, okay? ’ ’ Well, I’ve gotta say, I didn’t know you had that in you back there. ’ ’ Now, I know I’m not supposed to mention the hair. ’ ’ Frankly, I’m too scared to ask about the frog. ’ ’ If you want to see the lanterns so badly, why haven’t you gone before? ’ ’ Why would you ask such a ridiculous question? ’ ’ I’ve spent my entire life hiding from people who would use me for my power… ’ ’ That criminal is to be hanged for his crimes. ’ ’ Hmm. I have magic hair that glows when I sing. ’

#frelling savage

remember, look for things that you can touch. ground yourself.

       pity. no stars. I hoped there’d be stars.

Twissy + text post meme

Missy: what did you think a tiger shark was, Theta

Doctor: You’re shorter than me. It’s the only way I can see you.