i am not a squirrel

Aries: “What up, I’m Jared I'm 19, and I never fucking learned how to read”

Taurus: "Hi welcome to Chili's"

Gemini: "I WON'T HESITATE, BITCH"

Cancer: "Ah, fuck. I can't believe you've done this."

Leo: "What the FUCK is up Kyle"

Virgo: "Look at all these chickens"

Libra: "CHRIS IS THAT A WEED"

Scorpio: "Next time you put a hand on me Imma fuckin rip your face off BITCH"

Sagittarius: "I don't have enough money for chicken nuggets"

Capricorn: "You better watch out, you better watch out, you bETTER WATCH OUT, YOU BETTER WATCH OUT”

Aquarius: "Welcome to bible study, we’re all children of Jesus! Kumbaya, my lord!"

Like, think about it: you’re given this nice little room and no objectives at all and when you open the door the guard says ‘stay in there’ so you wait and nothing happens and you open the door again and try and walk out and the guard pushes you back in and says things like ‘you’re our prisoner’ and ‘where are you going, you’re stuck here’ and ‘are you trying to meet your prince? he won’t ever get up THIS high’ and ‘get back inside before I get mad’. But you can pick up a vase of flowers, and you can swing it around. And the thing is all the guards are expecting the hero to be battling his way up, and all this one wimpy little guard at the top is posted to your room for is to push you back into your room, so you can smash him over the head because he’s just not expecting it, and then steal his weapons. And after that you find that the guards are always bigger and stronger than you—and they get bigger and stronger every level down—but you can generally manage to get the first shot in because they’re waiting for the hero, and you’re the princess. And maybe there’s puzzles and stuff too, but you have to solve them backwards, working your way along from end to start, because they’re all set up for the hero. And when you get the bottom and you have the fight of your life because the guards are massed up waiting for the hero, tons of them with awesome weapons and armor and spells and you think it’s the boss battle, but when they’re all dead and the final ground-level door is free to open the credits don’t roll.  And you realize there must be one more fight outside the doors, too, before you’re free, so you equip the best armor and weapons and potions you can find and go outside and you fight this one huge lone badass man on a badass horse in the sunlight. Then he’s finally defeated, and lying in the grass, and his horse is yours, and the credits still aren’t rolling. And you look at his corpse and you see he’s got a locket on, and in that locket is a picture of your face. 

And then you realize that that was the hero. 

It’s in the Past-el giveaway!

A new giveaway for the new year! This one is perfect for anyone looking to journal their way through 2018. It was hard not to keep all this stuff for me! :)

What’s in it?

Metallic gold lined journal

Scheduling/Journaling stickers

Calendar sticky notes

Two cork pens

Gemstone porcelain tray

Heart shaped bath bomb

Kitty Washi tape

Rules:

You must follow me

No giveaway blogs

Must reblog the post likes do not count

Multiple reblogs allowed (up to five)