Thank you, come again.

the fucking 1 second dance at the end 

I can’t sleep someone tell me a story

I grew up thinking eminem was my uncle for no valid reason and when I realized he wasn’t I was so shocked

Had a dream where I was sitting in a dark office and reality felt really altered and strange and there was just a fishtank illuminating the room and then this fuckin fish looked at me and grinned with human teeth and in this super deep voice said “you’ve been here awhile, better wake up before you forget how to” and I fuckin woke up in a cold sweat

Dude I think you went to hell

Can I unsubscribe from my period

date the person who says, “have fun, be safe, and call if you need anything” not the person who gets mad at you for going out w/o them

It feels like totally different times in human history but Martin Luther King Jr. and Albert Einstein were alive at the same time

Posting a Snapchat to your story and then waiting for that one specific person to watch it, is the modern day equivalent of Gatsby throwing elaborate parties seeking Daisy’s attention.

you ever have so much work that you just don’t do nuthin?

soon as she unblocks me the wedding is back on