turbulence

hello everyone!!! introducing you to my second muse, seo hayun, who has been bothering me incessantly, especially since i applied for jinwoo first :/ luckily the admins allowed second charas early so i didn’t have to suppress him for 2 weeks.... anyways!!

you can find his profile here, and as usual, please do like this post and i’ll come to you (although probably from jinwoo’s dms, to keep everything organized for myself!!). 

more details about him under the cut!

somewhere out there, it’s possible that there exists an ideal world where younghyun managed to follow through with the step-by-step plan he had concocted in his head in order to face hayun properly. complete with a proper apology, something that he can actually offer the other and a thorough method for him to make amends in a way that isn’t conceited or self-serving. but that’s not the world he lives in right now, this is where younghyun blurts out a terrible and quick apology and has to make up for it.

somewhere out there, a world where younghyun put down that bottle also probably exists—but he’s here to do what he knows he should; fix his mistakes, face the consequences of his actions. don’t run away now.

younghyun fully expects an outburst of a reaction—younghyun would have accepted that, wouldn’t even hold it against hayun. he was the one who ruined hayun’s life, after all. maybe he’d flinch when he hears a scream, but he’d listen to all hayun had to say regardless. but that’s not what he gets ( although younghyun flinches regardless ).

and now he’s back where he started: out of words.

“ah—yeah. that’s… me.” he can’t tell what hayun is thinking, but the soft tone that hayun takes on confuses him even further. “i’m the one who…” he stops himself, because hayun doesn’t need a reminder on what he’s going through right now—what younghyun had put him through. “i’m sorry. and i know words don’t mean anything without actions, but… i want to help you. of course—only if you want me to.”

he’s chewing on his bottom lip enough that it’ll go red. “like… like with the books. and other things. anything.”

( content warnings // mentions of drunk driving and car accidents )

     his expression is unexpectedly gentle as he meets younghyun’s eyes, taking in the other’s face, the look of intense regret and the pain that’s written all over younghyun’s face, and he can’t find it within himself to be angry. he simply cannot muster up the energy and will to be furious (no matter how rightfully so) when the regret is written so plainly across the other’s face. 

    getting angry at this point, a year and a half after the event, would do him absolutely no good. it isn’t going to heal him, magically, or make him able to participate in taekwondo again. it isn’t going to bring back his lost chance at the olympics. the only thing anger is going to do is dredge up his own pain for the sake of making someone else feel guilty, and well... hayun can already see that younghyun feels the guilt as a physical weight on his shoulders. 

     younghyun stutters his way through the offer of help almost painfully, and hayun inclines his head in acceptance of the words. he’s made his decision already, but it’s clear to him that younghyun needs to help him, somehow, to make himself feel like he’s making amends, and hayun can’t deny that help would be appreciated. even now, a year and a half later, he’s still suffering the after effects of the car accident that had nearly claimed his ability to walk. 

EDEN !

throughout his life, eden has met a lot of people to admire. even within kyungwon itself, he’d run into individuals who shine in his eyes. if he were asked to name one of those people, the name seo hayun would undoubtedly be formed on his lips.

getting the obvious out of the way first; eden has no intention of romanticizing the hardships his roommate had gone through. no one should have to suffer what hayun had, he won’t make a sob story out of what is hayun’s tale to tell either. but he does look up to hayun’s resilience, his determination to keep pushing forward regardless of the obstacles in his way is certainly something eden could learn from. aspire to implement in his own day-to-day life.

unfortunately, it’s never that easy.

eden doesn’t want to impose. even though they’re roommates, he doesn’t want to force hayun to rely on him. however, he does keep a watchful eye whenever he can, make sure nothing is amiss. the least he can do is clean up their shared space on a regular basis so that hayun is able to move around a little easier.

on tougher days, he’d notice that hayun is taking longer to wake up than usual. clearly, that’s not a good sign.

so eden stands before hayun’s door and knocks a few times to alert the other of his presence. then, he twists the doorknob and opens it, immediately spotting his friend on the bed. “good morning,” he smiles, making sure that it is a greeting and not one laced in pity—hayun doesn’t need that from him.

“can i lend you a hand?” he asks, always careful not to overstep.

     it'd been easier to think about trying to go back to sleep than it really was, and in the end, hayun had ended up laying there in a position that he had found to be almost free of pain, his eyes closed and his breathing forcibly even as he tries to pass the day with minimal pain. he can hear the sound of his roommate waking up, shuffling around through his normal morning routine.

     he still isn't all that sure why eden had agreed to room with him, knowing that it would require a little bit of extra work given that hayun is still recovering and occasionally needs support with things that a normal roommate wouldn't be expected to do. but he's grateful that of all people, it's eden — despite his eccentricities, eden is an excellent roommate and hayun thinks he's more than lucky to be friends with the other. he notices, of course, the effort that eden puts into keeping their shared space clean so that moving around is easy no matter how he feels that day.

     that thought is only reinforced when the knocks sound on his door, and the door opens. "morning," he smiles weakly at his roommate, his voice hoarse. he's lucky that the position he had found comfortably was angled slightly towards the door, or he wouldn't have been able to see eden at all. he's grateful that there's no pity in eden's voice, just a warm greeting, and his expression twists slightly at the other's offer of a hand.

     "that would be good," he gives in with very little protest, his eyebrows furrowing slightly and he winces as he shifts more onto his back. "... it hurts a lot today. i don't think i can sit up alone." he admits quietly, his expression resigned. although he had always been relatively easy-going, it had still been an adjustment to have to ask for help when he needed it. hayun had learned quickly after the accident that if he didn't ask for help, there were things he simply could not do.

now that younghyun finds himself here, with hayun’s attention drawn to him, finding no contempt in those kind eyes—younghyun is suddenly at a lost for words. tongue-tied, consumed by the urge to look away, at the very least. he tells himself it must be because hayun doesn’t recognize his face, although that may just be wishful thinking on his part. younghyun remembers practicing this scene over and over again in his head and with his small pocket mirror back in camp, but it all flew out of his head in this moment.

typical, really. it always goes back to square one when it comes to himself.

“really?” the surprise comes out of younghyun before he could take it back, and he’s probably acting like a weirdo above all. he swallows the lump in his throat—tries to—and wipes the sweat on his palms against his pants before taking one book, the one hayun seems to be aiming for.

it’s not a normal response for someone to question another’s willingness to accept help so easily. younghyun has to accept that he’s already making a mess on his first attempt. “i’m sorry, it’s just—uh,” he stumbles over his own words, returning the book onto the shelves simply for something to do with his hands on top of to help the other. he takes a few quick breaths, though it doesn’t work to calm the anxious stutters in his chest.

he doesn’t know where to start, so he blurts out, “do you… know who i am?” an ominous question, seeming arrogant out of context if it weren’t for the tremble in his voice. younghyun chooses this moment to direct his gaze to the floor; coward that he is. “i’m sorry, that’s not what i meant either.” a few taps of his fingers against the wooden shelves, another nervous tick.

“i'm—i’m ahn younghyun.” the sound of his own name feels like a curse, but there’s no changing who he is. what he has done. “and i’m… i’m sorry.” he tries to keep his voice firm and sincere, but there’s a waver there, born out of fear and contempt reserved only for himself.

     to say that hayun is confused would be an understatement. he's not really sure who this person is, or why exactly they're looking at him like this, but he doesn't say anything about it, tilting his head slightly in curious response instead. the other male seems to be lost in staring at him, and hayun isn't really sure if there's something fascinating about his face or maybe the remnants of his lunch that he'd missed? but lunch had been hours ago, so somehow he doubts that's the case. there must be a good reason, hayun thinks.

     the surprised reaction from the other male catches hayun off guard, and his eyes widen slightly in bewilderment as he lowers the book he's holding slowly, very confused by this strange male who had approached him to help and yet has only confused him thus far instead of actually helping with anything. "... yes?" he murmurs in befuddlement, his eyebrows drawing together slightly in a puzzled but gentle manner, glancing curiously at the other as the stranger takes a book, shelving it.

     the encounter only gets stranger and stranger as the other asks if hayun knows who he is, and hayun has studied his face over the past few minutes, but he still has absolutely no idea who in the world the other is and why he's acting so strangely. "... no, i'm sorry... should i?" he asks slowly, growing more and more confused by this rather baffling person who had offered him help only to ask such strange questions.

     "i'm ahn younghyun."

     at those words, hayun's brain screeches to a stop, his expression freezing as he processes the words and exactly what they mean. it takes a moment for his brain to restart before his lips curve up slightly into a sad smile, his expression softening as he meets the other's eyes.

SUJI !!

     she’s not even sure if he’ll know who she is—though maybe it’s better if he doesn’t immediately assume she’s here on younghyun’s behalf. it takes a while before hayun comes out of the room and she watches him for a moment, unsure if this would be a good time for her to say something. but they make eye contact and he greets her first, so she assumes it probably is.

     “i don’t think you know me,” she starts, quiet and a bit more reserved than she would usually be but this feels like a time for her to try to act more professional. or something. 

     “but i need to talk to you, do you mind going to a cafe with me? maybe just for twenty minutes?” suji asks, hoping that he’ll associate her with his sister and not with younghyun for now. she’ll, of course, change that soon but until then she would prefer for him to not know why she’s here at all. “i’m suji by the way, noh suji,” she adds after a while, thinking that it’ll be easier than him not having any idea who she was. 

     his eyebrows raise slightly when she asks to go to a cafe with him, a stranger that feels oddly familiar, and he can’t quite place why she’s so familiar to him. he swears that he’s definitely seen her face around before, but it isn’t until she introduces herself tha tit finally clicks. “oh,” he says in understanding, a smile coming across his face. “you’re haeun’s friend. she talks about you a lot,” he says with a warm smile and a mistaken sense of understanding of why she’s here. 

     “that’s fine, though. i’m not sure what you could possibly want to talk to me about, but we can go to a cafe,” he acquiesces easily. his sister’s birthday isn’t coming up soon, so he finds it unlikely that suji would be asking him for that, but maybe there’s something else going on. he has no idea, honestly. 

     there’s no inkling in his mind, no thought or even hint, about what she’s actually here for. “i hope you don’t mind picking somewhere close by?” he asks her as he leads the way down the familiar hallways, out of the hospital. he’s quite sore today, and honestly, he’d prefer to go home and rest, but he doubts that suji would have come here looking for him specifically if she hadn’t had a purpose. 

hype boy

@kwhayun

if there’s anything about junyoung that he takes pride in; it’s probably his ability to talk to anyone, about literally anything, despite where they are. it’s probably not really something to brag about though - especially with the way junyoung goes about it.

he’s at the park with hayun, the both of them doing some clean-up for the volunteer club, when he finally decides to give in to his exhaustion and falls onto his feet. “fuck elon musk,” are the first words to leave his lips. he has no idea why – and it’s not as though junyoung reads enough to know if elon musk has anything to do with global warming, but he thinks that he probably does since he’s a bazzilionaire and all. “when i see that man, it’s on sight i tell you. look at what he’s done,” he points to the sun, “look what he’s done to her. and to me. these uv rays are going to give me wrinkles hayun. and i don’t want wrinkles,” the thing about junyoung though, was that once he started talking, there really wasn’t any end. 

he finally turns to hayun, and lifts both his hands up to the boy, like a child reaching out for it’s mother. if captured in as a renaissance painting, this truly could be a moment. historians would call them best friends, but in truth it was just an idiot ( junyoung ) too exhausted to clean anymore, and bothering a poor soul ( hayun ). “hayun… save me… let’s avenge the sun together and get elon musk. just like sasuke would.”

     junyoung is literally one of the strangest people hayun has ever met. he thinks he can say that fairly confidently, as hayun thinks that over the course of his life, he has met many, many strange people. and out of those people, he still thinks that junyoung deserves to rank at the top. whether this is a good thing or not, hayun can’t say for certain, but at least one thing’s for sure — junyoung isn’t an easy person to forget or ignore. even if he’s 80 years old, he thinks that at some point, he’s still going to remember something junyoung had said. 

     they’re walking through the park, picking up any kind of litter that’s scattered around (which thankfully, isn’t that much — korea might not have a lot of garbage cans, but somehow litter isn’t that much of an issue, either). it seems like it’s out of nowhere when junyoung dramatically falls to his knees, and starts talking about — elon musk? hayun has no idea what the other male is going on about, but he just simply stops, waiting for the other male to finish with his monologuing patiently. 

     hayun shudders at the thought that the question evokes, his expression twisting slightly at the question as he contemplates just which would be worse. a duck sized ant would certainly be disgusting and he would have to see all of its body segments in far too much detail, but a thousand ant-sized ducks? ducks are a bit of a menace in and of themselves, sometimes, and a thousand of them? that certainly seems like the worse option by far. 

HAEUN !!

     it’s always pretty easy to go out and about with her brother. where haeun has always been a picky child, her brother was not. meaning he would let he pick and choose things without care or worry. its nice because then haeun can always have something that she will enjoy. be it food, or activity. given, as she has gotten older its been easier to … well… not be as picky. but alas, she is a girl who knows what she likes and won’t take it any other way.

      it doesnt surprise her in the slightest through when hayun ends up asking where she wants to go and what food sounds good. luckily for him, she already picked out both things as she knew hayun wouldn’t care. though sometimes she does like to push him to make a choice so they can do or eat something he really likes. 

      “dongdaemun!” she zooms in on the map to point out the location. “if we’re taking the subway then we need to get out at exit 8 at dongdaemun. there’s a shake shack i’ve been told to try by a classmate.” she’s glanced at the menu and it all looks pretty good–though she’s picky she doesn’t mind trying new things. plus, why not splurge a little! it feels like its been forever since shes had a day with hayun!

     simply seeing the excitement on haeun's face is enough for hayun to be happy. his sister had been one of his bright lights after taekwondo had been forcibly dimmed, and watching her grow and find her own path — nursing, of all things, carving out her own spot in the world — had been one of the things that he had always been able to do, even when he was struggling with walking. he could cheer for her just as well from a wheelchair as he could on his feet, and it had lent a feeling of normalcy to his days that he had treasured beyond belief.

     maybe if he hadn't had her in his life, he wouldn't have learned the patience and kindness that gave him the strength to not only move past the accident and look into the future, but also to forgive the person who had caused his accident — even if he still wants to meet them in person, one day.

     "shake shack? i heard that's really popular." even though he hasn't had a chance to try it himself, as he's never allowed that type of diet when travelling for competitions, it can't hurt now that he's not actively competing to indulge every once in a while, especially if it's with his sister. quietly, he’s glad that they’re going to take the subway. he prefers to take the subway because it actually jolts much less than buses do, so it's often easier on his back — though if he knows his sister, she's definitely going to fight someone for a seat for him.

NOAH !!

     he freezes at the question, and while he’s been the most okay that he’s been in a long time, there’s still a lot of things that are worrying him. it’s nothing that he can’t handle though—he’ll say this an many times as he can until it becomes true, and it’s a firm affirmation for him, considering that whatever this is is better than going back to medicine—and he wants to enjoy the summer festival with one of his favourite hyungs. 

     “yeah, everything’s fine hyung,” noah tries to reassure hayun, though it sort of comes out in a way that sounds like he’s saying it to reassure both of them. he coughs, clearing his throat. “no, really, i’m fine,” he insists this time, his voice more confident in his words. he’s really okay, even if there’s some worries swirling around the back of his mind at all times nowadays. he doesn’t think he’ll ever be fully relaxed until he tells his parents—but how would he do that? 

     these are the questions that haunt him. 

     “i want to do this with you though! it seems fun,” he adds, his tone of voice already back to the peppiness that it usually holds. “it’s the summer festival hyung, how could i miss out on it?”

     he smiles at noah's second attempt to sound more confident, like everything is really okay. oh, hayun knows that things are probably not all okay, but what matters more than that is noah's mindset towards it. if anyone knows something about things not being okay, hayun is probably one of the foremost experts on it, given just how much he'd lost in that accident. and even then, hayun knows that dwelling on what he's lost is simply a way to remain in the past, and that no change will ever come from ruminating on what had happened.

     "okay, noah," he says with a fond smile and he reaches out to ruffle the shorter male's hair, unable to help it. noah is just so cute sometimes. hayun swears that the two years between them often feels like so much more because the other is simply so endearing.