beautiful blur.

"okay, okay, i got it. no making out then." maybe they'll just have to pick another movie that's more of a romcom instead. it's like a surge of cuteness aggression flows from his very core and he instantly starts cooing at changmin. "i can totally just hold your hand, baby. you don't even need to ask me twice."

balanced relationships, or whatever was going on between him and changmin, carefully requires a sort of give and take system. you give one day and take another day. changmin has to be a saint or something because he seems to give and give and taevin, the greedy man that he is, takes anything and everything that changmin is willing to give him. as long as he's able to, taevin would have changmin in any capacity.

they're holding hands and changmin can't help but wonder if they look like they're more friends. not like he's greedy, and it's not as though he thinks that taevin in any capacity would be romantically interested in him. still, he allows himself to bask in this for a little longer, cheeks turning red at the nickname. baby. but again, he's sure that it's something taevin calls most of his other... friends with benefits.

he laughs though, when taevin speaks and promises not to spend too much time on his computer. despite the older boy towering over him, there were moments such as these where changmin found him cute. a little bit of a klutz too. but he smiles at the sight of his pinky, and links them, nodding his head as he does so.

there's a funny looking kid hanging out in the underground rock scene lately.

jay might be being a bit too mean here, but when someone clearly doesn't fit into a certain environment with the way they dress and the way they act, it's sticking out like a sore thumb. it's not that jay is saying that's a bad thing though, he's simply pointing out an observation like he always does.

as most neurotic musicians do, he'd find himself participating in and watching underground performances often ( not to mention his underground producer label, but that's on hold for now ). he can't perform anymore, he thinks, but he can still observe. it's fun, it's thrilling—the people he clicks with are all hardcore rockstars with an affinity for composition and lack of a graceful personality. that's how one can basically describe jay as, too.

@bechangmin is so painfully a newcomer though, that jay can't help but remember him for the day. simply because of how out of pocket the guy looks, but he's looking at the stage like the newbies on stage were putting stars in the sky. jay laughs a bit, knows that this band in particular are still very rough—but they gained a fan, so they have a bright future.

"you don't go to these often, do you?" jay asks the random boy once he's close enough to be within earshot, despite the rock music that's dying down as the band switches to the next one. "it's kinda obvious. you know, from your entire outfit. and also how awkward you look, just standing there." he always says it as it is.

he feels overdressed and underdressed all at the same time. no, he simply feels as though he doesn't know to dress. still, it's something he can momentarily forget as he listens to the songs being performed, starstruck by the rockstars and musicians that take the stage. it's a place where changmin would like to be, but a place that scares him. he's always been a bit of a coward – a kid with big dreams and motivation, but not a lot of confidence.

he plays with the tips of his fingers, as though his own hands were holding a bass, scratching against the tips of his thumb and palm to the rhythm. he'd like to be like that, wonders if it's possible for someone like him. he's lost in thought, eyes fixated on the stage when he hears – no feels – hot breath against his ear.

after all, lately all he seems to be obsessed about is… well, rockstars. admittedly, claudine doesn’t know too much about it—what she does know is that her brother has some sort of strange perception of them that he’s trying to replicate; something about one night stands and being detached.

now though, with changmin looking at her expectantly after shouting out a character’s tagline, claudine is reminded of how nerdy ( and pathetic, truth be told ) her brother really is. maybe she needed that reminder, lately.

“don’t worry too much, you look just fine!” she insists, laughing a little as she watches her brother panic before her. she means it, of course she does, but she can understand changmin’s plight somewhat. “honestly, there’s nothing wrong with how you look right now, but if you want we can add a little more to your face.”

he's glad though, that he has claudine by his side. he looks at his older sister, eyebrows furrowing as he whines at her for help. despite being just two years older, he's always felt as though claudine took good care of him, and that with her around, he'd never have too much to worry about. which was probably why his parents had been accepting of his idea to follow his sister all the way to korea.

"it looks too pale," he sighs, "and i wanted to take a photo and send it to my friend... but he'd probably think i look funny," he momentarily imagines what taevin's reaction might be to a photo of changmin looking like... this.

he follows claudine and sits on the bench, pouting just slightly before his sister reveals that she's got her makeup tools with her. "really?" his face lights up at this revelation. "noona, you're the best!"

the first time luciel met changmin, he was lost and he had to guide him around his campus. it’s reasonable to lose one’s way around campuses—they’re usually a big place after all. he became somewhat of a tour guide for him that day. changmin is adorable, in the way a person will pass by a cute dog and point out how cute it is. he reminds him of a lost duckling who’s struggling to find its way back to its mother. now they’re here again, back to square one. changmin is lost.

which is what he's doing right about now, that is of course until he hears a voice call out to him. he snaps out of his daze, and finds himself relieved to see luciel. "hyung!" he smiles, thankful to see a familiar face. "i was looking for the subway station, honestly. i'm kind of worn out, and wanted to go home and rest," changmin is by far not the kind of guy to stay out late. instead, preferring to rest at home despite trying over and over again to be a 'party animal'.

he chuckles a little bit when changmin can't come up with the movie title but that's what he likes about the other. always talking about anything and everything and taevin just loves to listen to it all. he nudges the other with his shoulder. "baby, it's how to make millions before grandma dies. good movie by the way. we should've gone together to see it. like a date. and maybe make out in the back of the movie theatre..."

teasing changmin doesn't happen too often but when taevin puts his mind to it, it's one of the best things to ever happen. there's just something so satisfying about the way changmin gets whenever he does something to elicit some kind of reaction out of him. either it's a flushed face or a deadpan expression and he thinks they're both hilarious.

"you don't usually stop at making out, hyung," he laughs, and he ignores the way his chest thumps at the insinuation of a date. a friend date of course! that must've been what taevin meant. "i don't mind watching it again with you, hyung. ah, but i might be crying too much to make out though," he says, honest. "so you can just hold my hand like you're doing right now," he lifts their hands, "to comfort me!" he jokes.

still, changmin allows taevin to have his way with his hands, the older boy squeezing them. at this point, it isn't something completely out of the ordinary in their relationship – or lack of. changmin's never been in a friends with benefits situation, so he can only assume that this is part of it. and between the two, he's sure that taevin's the more experienced one, and so he allows the older boy to take the lead.

he tries to keep in touch with his other friends, though, and his relationship with changmin is one he's neglected for too long - mainly because he has a feeling changmin would never be upset with him, no matter how little they talked. it feels a little like taking advantage of his kindness, but hey, joomi only has so much time.

he's set a couple hours aside for changmin today, though, just to hang out and play instruments for a while. he's pretty curious how much changmin has improved since he last heard him play.

when changmin appears, it's with an abundance of enthusiasm, as expected. joomi chuckles, and smiles too. "it has," he agrees with a nod. changmin says rockstar, and joomi laughs again, shaking his head. he's pretty sure those days are behind him now, unless studio delta chooses to debut a band - which is possible, he supposes.

even at home, he'd hide behind the others, and preferred to have his songs listened to than to be seen on stage. which he realizes, is a little funny. contradictory even, as someone who yearned so badly to become a rockstar.

"that's really cool, hyung," changmin says, smiling at the older boy. "studio delta..." he muses under his breath, thinking back to the senior artists in the company. he remembers reading up on them, and discovering that a few of the musicians he liked stemmed from that company. "ah... it's so embarrassing... but i really like the musicians from there!" he beams.

taevin thinks he's about to go insane. there's absolutely no way changmin isn't doing this to him on purpose. the way they're walking so close to one another and the way their hands keep brushing against each other is driving him up a wall. if he were bold and had the balls to do it, he really would hold changmin's hand and never let go.

but he shouldn't and yet he has to wonder if changmin really doesn't notice or if he's just pretending. either way, taevin sighs to himself while looking down at the hands before lifting his gaze back up to changmin's side profile. he feels his stomach churning in an odd way when it's nothing more than changmin talking or rather yapping away while they walk to some random destination. it's sickening is what it is.

however, despite his lack of speaking, taevin manages to toss in some 'hmms' and 'ohhhs' and 'ahhhs' so that the other knows he's still listening albeit somewhat distractedly. he's too hyperaware of the hand predicament and it's crazy to think that changmin has no idea what he's doing to him.

aside from that though, changmin does genuinely enjoy taevin's company. he lets him talk, allows him to go on and on about trivial things. which is exactly what he's doing as they walk through the street.

"hyung, did you watch that new movie, by the way?" changmin furrows his brows in thought for a moment, as he attempts to figure out the title. "grandma dying by the millions... ah no... making millions when grandma... ah... what's the title?"

he's caught off guard when taevin suddenly leans in though, stopping his sentence midway. his eyes widen, and they fall onto the older boy's face. huh? what? also woah! taevin's really, really handsome. he has no clue what taevin is talking about though. messing? changmin's messing with him? how? by not knowing the title to the movie? but the older boy takes his hand wordlessly, and changmin simply allows him too, always easily swayed by the moment as his eyes follow their intertwined hands.

it’s the usual dance routine—yiran making sure that he stretches his muscles well enough before practicing dance, otherwise he’d be prone to getting hurt, and that will lead to a disruption in his perfect schedule. yiran has never gotten an injury before while dancing, and he prefers to keep it that way.

today changmin joins him for practice, an offer that was accepted much to yiran’s surprise. he’s never seen the boy dancing before, so today would be his first time. he feels a little self-conscious about it, feels the need to… look good, in front of him (is this a normal thought process?). before changmin arrives at the practice room, yiran gets there earlier first, taking a look at himself in the mirror so that he looks… decent enough in front of his friend. he repeats this multiple times, unknowingly.

in truth though, he realizes that becoming a rockstar in this day and age is probably a lot harder than he seems. rockstars, despite the glitz and glamour, have a groove when performing. a sort of unnerved confidence that changmin can only wish to ooze out. and after a lot of research ( scrolling through tiktok and youtube shorts), changmin has come to the realization that to be a rockstar, you also need to well... you need to dance. or at the very least, have some sort of basics down.

which is why he's decided to go to yiran for help. who better than yiran to help changmin at a time like this? he's quite honestly disheartened by dreamwave, but if anything... well if anything, that was a sign, right? that he lacked something.

accidental meetings

changmin hadn't planned on going for the waterbomb event. he quite honestly, had worried that he'd be overwhelmed by the crowd, and the amount of people there. it was bad enough that a crowded street would get him lost and nervous, but surrounded by people and water – that was something else. still, he's somehow found his way here. and while he's around, he's decided to at least make the most of it. it isn't as though he's dressed up to impress though; if anything he's decided to go with a pair of comfortable shorts and an oversized t-shirt. something that he didn't mind ruining and getting soaked through. he finds himself walking around, phone at hand, as he sends a quick message to his friend, when he bumps into a stranger. almost immediately, his phone falls onto the floor, and to his horror – his iphone 8 breaks. his old ( and quite honestly, sad excuse ) phone breaks – the screen cracking. changmin blinks, taking a moment to realize what had exactly happened, before he's crouching down onto the floor and picking the phone up, lifting his shirt just slightly to wipe the screen – not covered in water. "oh no..." he finds himself saying out loud, before he realizes he's actually bumped into someone. he lifts his head and before bowing. "i-i'm sorry!" he says, though his mind is filled with worry for his phone. "i didn't see you! are you alright? did i hurt you?"

noel had been excited for this year’s waterbomb festival, his sister had tried to drag him along last year, but with not knowing basically any of the artists, he had at last not gone. now, after having been a trainee for a while, he’d been introduced to the world of kpop, and this year he knew a lot of the artists.

he was mainly here for the music, but he was also partly here to look good. since no longer being a student, noel used majority of his time in practice rooms or at one of his many part-time jobs, and with time he’d realized he’d started to choosing comfort over looking good. it’d been a while since noel had cared for how he looked, and he missed it, making himself look good. so he styled his hair (which the water would probably ruin), did his make up (waterproof of course), and wore a tight white shirt, not minding getting wet.

changmin glances down onto his hands. his phone is cracked, the lines against the screen large and the glass, quite honestly, lifting off. it's barely turning on – which is in part due to the fact that the phone is so old. but changmin had found no reason to get a new phone anyway, it had always been working fine ( albeit the battery draining quickly, and the screen freezing up very often ).

"it..." he begins, biting at his lower lip. "i don't think he did," he confesses, gently rubbing the screen as more glass peeled off. his sad excuse for a phone cover had done little to protect it anyway. ah, this was bad.

when changmin decided to join her in korea she had been more than accommodating, wanting her brother to forget about certain painful memories and live in the present with her. but she’d be lying if she says she’s confident that changmin can move on and come out of the horrible experience a stronger individual. if anything, she thinks changmin became… well, a little more vulnerable.

she’s here to support her brother though, no matter what—with the exception being when he’s clearly making a very stupid decision. she blinks, wondering if she had heard changmin right. she had, which is worse. oh, dear. she takes a small breath, briefly consulting with herself on how to navigate this situation as smoothly as possible.

“changmin,” she starts, calling out to her brother in a gentle manner. she smiles too, for good measure. “what do you mean you’re going out to find a one night stand…?” she repeats his words, making sure that he knows exactly what he’s saying, and how utterly unfitting that is.

it shows on his face too. changmin's always been bad at hiding his expressions. he wears his heart on his sleeve as well; which in truth, he knows isn't very rockstar like. "really, noona? i do?" he blinks up to look at his sister, and well-mannerly takes a seat next to her because she's asked.

"oh... that..." he nods his head, face scrunching up just slightly. "i... think it'll help me become a rockstar," he begins. "noona, i fall for people so easily! i need to be with someone... and then not fall in love with them," he explains – though his explanation isn't exactly the best either. still, changmin's convinced that this has to be route. plus, his love life hasn't been... well it hasn't been very good.

changmin knows himself. knows that he constantly falls, and gets his heart broken. a person could look at him with a glint in their eyes and he'd think about them for the rest of the day. he needs to break out of this cycle and immediately.

he wants to grab the spicy chocolates for his friend… good friend? can he say that? no… he shouldn’t get too conceited. changmin is just a friend! but why is he standing so close to him?! this distance is too… much! he feels his body stiffening up. and there goes his instinctive frowns— no, he’s not angry at the boy in anyway. it’s just that he’s embarrassed of this closeness. is this something changmin is used to?! then he shouldn’t make a big fuss out of it… right?! friendship! comrade—!

before yiran says anything else though, the latter starts to compliment him. ahh, he really can’t handle this. he’s gotten these sorts of praises on the internet before, or even during conventions as “lanlan”, but none of them felt like they were directed to… xie yiran himself. they never felt real. but here his friend is, calling someone ugly like him handsome. it’s just makeup caked on his face, why does he feel like his face is heating up?

“i… thought i had the time to before you came,” he looks away from him, focusing his gaze onto his fucking wig stand. “i wouldn’t have time in the next few days otherwise… and no, i don’t have a sawako.” yiran never thought about ‘getting’ a sawako.

in the first place, he thought about changmin when he decided to cosplay kazehaya. it’s not the trend to cosplay characters from older series anymore, so he thought maybe… his friend would be excited to see a kazehaya cosplay? maybe? maybe??? that’s his thought process. changmin seems to like it, so… mission accomplished?!

"hyung... your face is red," he comments. "is it the blush? did kazehaya have that much blush?" he asks, genuinely confused. changmin didn't know too much about cosplay, just little bits and pieces he'd picked up from both his sister and yiran. but ah –

the chocolates.

changmin's eyes shift to the chocolates. they aren't safe for human consumption, changmin thinks. but he can't bring himself to say that to yiran – especially when he looks... just a little cute, like this. changmin chuckles to himself, how odd. yiran is much older than himself ( not much ), yet changmin finds him almost adorable just like this.

still, he takes a seat on the sofa, and tells his heart ( and mind, and stomach ) to prepare for what's to come. the inevitable stomach pain and flu. changmin's never been good at handling spice anyway, but he bites his tongue. he can't hurt yiran's feelings over this. he doesn't want to hurt yiran's feelings over this.