kvrokasaa

So, that’s one of the many reasons why you stick to yourself. Sure, you let a few words of how you’re feeling slip here and there. But you never allow yourself to rant to anyone, even if this person told you that they want you to confide in them. You don’t want to confide in them.

It took you over seven years to confide in your therapist, why would you confide in someone who’s not being paid to listen to you?

You keep your head down at school, you never purposefully bring attention to yourself. 

You hate being called annoying. It’s one of your worst fears. You hate hearing the sighs, you hate seeing people turn their heads, you hate seeing people look at their friends and laugh. One would label you as socially anxious, or just not a social person in general. And maybe you would agree, maybe you would laugh it off and say ‘Yeah, that’s probably the problem.’ But you know that’s not the problem. It’s part of the problem, but not the entire problem.

You just hate being called annoying. You hate when everyone stares at you. Your mother would tell you that they’re jealous of how outgoing you are, but you know that now they have laughing material with their friends. 

You hate being called lazy. You work your ass off almost every day, even in the dead of summer when it’s so fucking hot out. But the second you sit down, people call you lazy and say you never do anything. 

But most of all, you hate how you still smile at these people. You hate how you can’t gather the courage to tell these people what’s on your mind. You wish you could scream at them, pull your hair, cry–anything, you wish you could do anything. But one wrong move, one wrong breath, and these people–or rather this person–will blow up on you. They’ll get so mad at you, make you feel pathetic and useless. And then you’ll feel crazy because you’ve always loved this person, why are you hating them now?

But now, every day is getting harder and harder. It’s the same things over and over again. Get up, go to school, come home, and cry. Well, you don’t cry every day, but you wish you could.

You know everyone can see how tired you are. You know it. You wish these people would ask if you’re okay. But you also wish they won’t because you know once they do, you’ll break down; you hate attention. 

“You okay?” At first, you thought it was just in your imagination. You almost berated yourself for being so desperate for attention. But the warmth, the weight, of his hand on your shoulder made you realize that, no this isn’t fake. Someone actually looked at you and realized that you weren’t okay.

“Yeah,” you provided a faux smile.

“I don’t believe you.”

Four words. Fifteen letters. That’s all it took for you to break. A little piece of glass, but that little piece caused the other pieces to break. 

You never thought those words would be the ones to break you. But here you are, your hand cupping your mouth, tears streaming down your face. You’re trying so desperately to hide your emotions. You’ve tried. But four fucking words later and you’re crouched on the library floor crying.

You’re sure he wasn’t even asking about your depression. You’re sure he was asking about earlier when you tripped on your way through the doors. But you so desperately needed to hear those words. You did, and you know it.

It’s comical, really. The way his face immediately contorts to one of confusion. All this situation needs is a little question mark to appear over his head. “That bad, huh?”

God, and he wasn’t even talking about the trip. He actually meant the depression. 

Wait. Are you burdening him? No, you shouldn’t cry about this. You shouldn’t let someone see this side of you so easily.

But the words slipped out like your mouth was laced with butter. “I’m so tired.” There’s no fake happiness, no cheerfulness in your voice. Nothing but a small sob lets him know that you really mean it. “I don’t know what to do, I’m so tired.” You don’t even have the energy to scream or anything.

And although you’re in the library, you know you could scream the words. This is your afternoon job, in a way, you stack the books with him, and no one else but you two are around.

Warmth consumes you. His jacket’s draped around your back. Although it’s so hot outside and the AC is barely working, you feel so….nice. 

“God, this is stupid.” Your hands come up to wipe your tears. But another action from the man behind you halts you. His hat is placed on your head.

“It’s not stupid. Stop downplaying your emotions. It’s stupid that you just laugh things off when they impact you so much.” You almost want to cry again. He’s noticed this much? How? “Just go home, do whatever you want.”

You don’t think twice when you lift yourself off the floor. Ready to leave this embarrassing moment. “But hey,” he calls out before you leave. “I better see you tomorrow. No quitting.”

You don’t know if you finally found something to wake up to, but you know for a fact that his words bring a small but real smile to your lips.

Cute.

Carefully, Isagi slips out of bed, trying not to wake you. He stretches, feeling the pleasant soreness from last night's activities. He moves quietly, deciding to make coffee and prepare a simple breakfast. As he waits for the coffee, he glances back towards the bedroom, his thoughts drifting. Last night felt different than any other one-night stand. It felt special. There was a connection between you both. It makes him feel both excited and nervous about what could come next.

You stir awake at the smell of coffee - the aroma drawing you out of your slumber. You stretch and sit up, the blanket slipping down to your waist.

You notice Isagi in the kitchen - with no shirt on - making breakfast and coffee. You could almost drool at the sight. "Morning," you say softly, your voice a bit raspy from all the moaning and screaming from the night before.

Isagi turns his face lighting at the sight of you in his shirt and nothing else. "Good morning," he replies, his voice gentle. "I made some coffee. Want a cup?"

You nod and reach out to grab the cup filled with coffee. Isagi speaks as you put in your desired creams and sugars. "Last night was amazing," he started, "I'd love to see where this can go." And of course, you have no other answer than yes.

You wake up with a start, the early morning light filtering through the curtains. As the events from last night come rushing back, you feel a mix of exhilaration and anxiety. You turn your head to see Otoya still asleep beside you, his face relaxed and peaceful. For a moment, you just watch him, trying to sort through your tangled thoughts and feelings.

You've known Otoya since you were kids, but his reputation as a player makes your heart ache with uncertainty. Was last night just another fleeting moment for him? Does he have a girlfriend? The doubts gnaw at you, making it hard to breathe.

Carefully, you slip out of bed, trying not to wake him. You move quietly around the room, gathering your clothes and getting dressed as quickly and silently as possible. You hope to leave before he wakes up, to spare yourself any potential heartbreak.

Just as you reach the door, you hear a rustle behind you. You freeze, your heart pounding.

"Leaving so soon?" Otoya's voice is soft, but it startles you. You turn to see him standing behind you, his eyes half-open but focused on you. "I-I should go," you stammer, not meeting his eyes. "I'm sorry, I just..." You trail off.

"I'm scared. You have a reputation and I don't want to get hurt. What if you have another girl? What if last night didn't mean anything to you?" You voice your thoughts. It's a drawl, you think. Either your friendship is ruined forever, or you let him break your heart in silence.

He steps closer, his eyes searching yours. "I've known you since childhood, you think I'd use you like that?" His voice is soft, filled with seriousness you rarely hear from him. You don't respond. You know that he wouldn't do that, don't you?

"Last night wasn't just some fling. It meant everything to me. You mean everything to me. I love you." That got you to look up at him.

"But you've never said anything." "I just realized," he answers honestly. "I know that you probably don't believe me." His hand comes up to cup your cheek, "Just give me some time. Let's figure this out together."

Reo woke up with a warm sensation spreading through his chest. He blinked sleepily, his gaze shifting to the figure beside him. You looked so peaceful, your hair cascading down over the pillow in gentle waves. A soft smile curved his lips against your neck, trailing kisses down to your collarbone. The touch was gentle, reverent almost, as if he couldn't get enough of you.

He felt a surge of affection, a deep longing that bordered on obsession. You stirred, a small sound escaping your lips, and he couldn't help but smile wider. Being this close to you, sharing these intimate moments, filled with a sense of contentment he hadn't known before.

Your bodies are entwined, fitting together like puzzle pieces. He traced patterns on your skin, each touch a silent declaration of his affection.

As you both exchanged whispered words and soft laughter, he couldn't help but marvel at the connection you both share. It's more than the physical attraction; it's a bond that transcends words, a silent understanding that you belong together.

Time seemed to stand still as you lost yourselves in each other, forgetting the outside world exists. In this moment, all that matters is the warmth from your skin, the rhythm of your breaths syncing in perfect harmony.

Reo knows he's falling deeper, that this isn't just a fleeting attraction. You've become his everything, a beacon of light in his dull world. And as you lay there, basking in the afterglow of your shared passion, he couldn't help but feel grateful for every moment with you.

As the morning light filters through the curtains, Chigiri finds himself waking up next to you. The memories of last night flood back, filling him with a warm sense of contentment. He can't help but smile as he recalls how you finally confessed your feelings to him, through drunken words and moans.

Your peaceful sleeping face is a sight to behold, and he can't resist reaching out to gently brush a strand of your hair away. The way you sleepily smile makes his heart race with affection. It's moments like this that make him realize just how much he cares for you.

As he lies there, basking in the afterglow of your shared intimacy, he can't help but reflect on how far you've both come. From the first day you helped him with his leg injury to volunteering to monitor and do regular check-ups at Blue Lock, your bond has only grown stronger.

He knows this is just the beginning of something intimate between you two. With you by Chigiri's side, he feels like he can conquer anything. And as he watches you stir awake, a smile playing on your lips, he knows that he wouldn't want it any other way.

As the morning sun filters through the curtains, you find yourself waking up beside Rin. The soft warmth of his body against yours reminds you of the night before, where passion and tenderness intertwined in a dance only lovers could understand.

Rin stirs beside you, his eyes fluttering to meet yours. There's a moment of hesitation, a silent acknowledgment of the unspoken emotions between you. Then, with a gentle smile, he reaches out to brush a strand of hair from your face.

"You're still here," he murmurs, his voice carrying a mix of surprise and relief.

You nod your head, not knowing if you should leave or not. "Yeah." Rin immediately notices your tone mixed with uncertainty and hesitation. "I know I said some things before...about you distracting me from soccer," he begins, his gaze searching yours for understanding.

Your eyes trail down to his hand, his fingers climbing onto your hand. "You're passionate about soccer, Rin. I know that. But you don't get to shut out everything else. We can find a balance."

He exhales slowly as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. "I want that, too." He admits, pulling you closer into a warm embrace.

The room is filled with a comfortable silence, broken only by the soft sound of your breathing and gentle rustles of movement as Rin lays his head on your chest. He hums in contentment when he hears the sound of your heartbeat. And with each shared whisper of love and longing, it becomes clear that despite his initial reluctance, he's fully committed to making things work between you.

Kaiser snorts quietly. That’s what got you to come in the first place. He almost begged you to come with him, but every time he asked he was met with your quick ‘no.’ So, like the man he is, he went to underhanded tactics. He promised to get you good food, and promised that there’ll be really good food there.

You’re thankful that he didn’t lie.

“It’s about keeping up with appearances, meine liebe.” His arm circles around your waist when he sees some nobody looking at you with obvious intentions. “Do you think if I didn’t blow so much money on these stupid things people would still respect me? No. I have to come to these to show people that I’m richer and better than they will ever be.” You almost wanted to roll your eyes. But would it really be Kaiser if he didn’t say something super egotistical?

He chuckles when he sees how close you are to rolling your eyes. Although most of his words were false, some of them were true. If he didn’t come to these and spend so much money, people would not respect him. The world truly is in his hands.

“Okay you goof, I have to use the restroom,” you pressed your hands against his chest as you raised yourself onto your tiptoes. “Make sure to stuff some of that food into my purse when I’m gone.” You joked.

Kaiser followed you with his eyes while you walked to the end of the ridiculously big room for the bathroom. His eyes show everything, especially his love and adoration for you. He laughs a little as he turns his attention back to the speaker. 

But something catches his eye. A slightly tall woman, with blond hair but almost gray now, no. That’s not what makes Kaiser freeze in his spot, that’s not what makes his heart beat ten times faster. It’s the unmistakable red eyeliner. 

Anyone could apply red eyeliner, he tries to reason with himself. Kaiser tries his best to divert his attention back to the speaker, but his eyes cannot seem to leave the woman. His gaze must have alerted the woman because the next second she is looking around for the person.

And when her eyes fall on him, he immediately panics. No way in hell. She can not be here. He must be hallucinating or something. He needs air, fresh air. Why can’t he breathe? 

Kaiser leaves the mansion as quickly as possible, trying to get away from the stuffy crowd. But just his luck, she follows him out. 

“My son, I have been looking for you.”

You leave the bathroom, with your disgust intensified. Why are rich people so weird? Couldn’t that couple have gone home? Who in their right mind would be doing that during a fundraiser? 

A sigh escapes your lips as you make your way to the crowd, ready to tell Kaiser what you just witnessed. 

But when you get back to the table of food, he’s gone. You swear that he wouldn’t just leave you, and he would’ve texted you if he moved somewhere else. Maybe he had gone to the restroom too?

After searching for a little, you end up spotting his blonde and blue hair. But you see a person standing if front of him and he isn’t moving at all. Your brows furrow in a quizzical manner, who is that?

“No.” You hear him say, it was more of a demand than anything. “You’re lying.” The woman in front of him shakes her head, a soft expression on her face. “You may think that, but we both know it’s not true.” She opens her arms, her hands awaiting his shoulders as to pull him into her embrace. 

“It’s me, your mother.” Your eyes widen, why is she here? Why did she decide to come back now of all times?

“I’m sorry for interrupting,” your tone is soft while you look at Michael, a worried expression on your face. “But Michael and I should really be going.” “Who are you?” Her soft expression never falls, almost like she got it implanted onto her face. But you can see the truth, the deception, the root of her lies. She’s only here for the spotlight. She wants to be seen as his mother, as his savior. But you know that she will only ruin him. She will only make him fall deeper into the black hole.

“Oh, I’m guessing you haven’t seen the news,” you start. You look at Michael’s mother, your soft expression immediately faltering. “I’m Michael’s fiancee. It’s very nice to meet you.” You give her a fake soft smile. You don’t want to seem too rude, but you know kindness with a person like this will only lead to your ruin.

“Ah, I thought you were his chafure. You seem awfully-” “Stop.” She turns her attention back to Michael, her faux softness resurfacing. “My dear, you seem tired. Why don’t we-” “No.” He can’t get his head around this whole situation. Why has she come back? Why did she choose now to come back? Does she want money, is that it? Maybe she just wants to be seen with him. Maybe she needs her acting career back and the only way she can get noticed is with Michael.

But he doesn’t want any of that. He tried so hard to look for her, and now she shows up out of nowhere. 

Michael feels like he’s on the verge of a breakdown. 

His mom tries to reach out again, but Michael is too preoccupied to notice. So, you step in, your body in the middle of both of them. Your glare is icy, never relenting when you see his mother’s expression falter. She seems to be caught up in her own little world. Does she not know the damage she created? How dare she walk back into his life like he owes her everything.

No, she owes him everything.

“I don’t know you, but I know of you. I know what kind of person you are and it’s fucking disgusting.” Your tone is sharp as if laced with venom, and it cuts right through her little facade. You can see the second her fake kindness leaves, and you’re left with the disgust and hatred that Kaiser should have. 

“You are not allowed to walk back into Michael’s life when it’s convenient for you. You don’t get to do that. That’s not fair to him at all. 

Do you know how many times he’s tried to find you? You don’t, do you? He’s tried almost his entire life to find you, to find some sort of comfort in his mother. But you left him. You left a child all by himself with someone neither of you could’ve trusted. 

Do you know the first thing he said to me when I first hugged him? He thanked me. He thanked me for being there, for letting him breathe. He has constant thoughts that I’m going to leave him because of your mistakes.

And if you’re a good mother, if you truly missed him, you would’ve reached out in the past and apologized for everything. But you didn’t.

So no. I’m sorry, but not. You do not get to walk back into Michael’s life right now. He can reach out if and when he truly wants to. Please leave.”

Michael’s mother juts her chin up, a little huff leaving her mouth before she walks away. You truly thought that you wedged a block between Kaiser and his mother. You’re scared that if you turn around, you’ll see the hurt and betrayal across his face.

But that’s not it in the slightest. Kaiser is so proud to be called yours at this moment. He’s so very grateful to you. He has never had someone stick up for him in this way before.

Yes, he always acts as if nothing can bother him, even if he shows it on his face a little. But at this moment, he realizes that he wants to be held by you, he wants you to nurture him and to care for him. He wants to turn to you for things he has never received in his life.

Before he knows it, tears gather in his eyes, threatening to spill along his cheeks. His body moves on its own as he makes his way to you.

“Thank you,” his arms looped around your waist, his hold tightening ever so slightly. You thank the Lord that everyone has left or else everyone would see Kaiser crying and you know that he hates showing that to the world. 

You let those thoughts leave your mind, your smile growing back onto your face. “No need to thank me, my love. I meant every word and I will protect you until you’re ready to see her again.”

A sharp gasp pulls you out of your thoughts, your eyes fix to his widened ones. "Hey, hey it's okay," you continue to run your hands through his hair. His breathing quickens and he looks around the room.

It's like he's searching for something that isn't there. "Baby, it's okay. Deep breaths." His eyes finally land on yours, however his breathing doesn't slow. "Come on, in," you take a deep breath in, "And out." You let it out. Michael follows your actions, taking a deep breath in and out.

"Good job, baby," you coo as you smooth your thumb on his cheek. "It's okay, everything's okay." Your free hand comes up to his other cheek to wipe some of his tears.

Your face softens, my poor baby, you want to say. Instead, you try to pull him in for a hug. But he pulls himself back, his arms keeping you at a distance. "I-I don't want..." He trails off, but you understand. You nod your head, immediately understanding why. It took almost 6 months for Kaiser to actually receive your touch without tensing, so you understand why he said no.

"Okay, that's okay." You sympathize with him. You don't want him to feel pressured. "Remember what I taught you, baby."

Kaiser always claimed that he never needed help. Until you saw him struggling one day after a hard game. He beat himself up for it, and you knew that you should give him some space. However, the first person he went to was you. He felt stupid, but also very vulnerable. He trusted you, so he went to you. And just like he thought, you held him and told him that it's okay, it's the cycle of life to lose.

After spending a relaxing day with you, he decided to tell you about his childhood. About why he doesn't like physical touch very much. You learned that his mother left when he was just a baby, his father grew depressed and turned to alcohol. And Kaiser was the outlet for his father's harboring anger. Kaiser looked so much like his mother when he was a kid, and his father grew disgusted. He would drink all day, tell Kaiser to steal for the family, he wouldn't work, he would unleash his anger in the most violent ways.

You learned that Kaiser was almost killed when he was a young child. His father would choke him until he sobbed and cried. And when he was a little older, he was framed for a break-in at a jewelry store. The police searched his home and found money. And of course, his father tried to hurt Kaiser again for storing money.

Out of anger, Kaiser knocked his father out, then the police that were at his home. Because of that, he was sent to jail.

You learned so much in less than an hour. You learned that the reason Kaiser chokes himself before a game is because of his twisted father. You cried for him, you grew angry for him. You were there for him, and he felt so...safe. And for the first time, he didn't tense up when you pulled him in for a hug. He cried when you told him, "Thank you. Thank you for sharing and thank you for being so brave, my love. Thank you for trusting me." For the first time in Kaiser's life, he felt safe and happy.

After telling you what happened, he started to show more emotion around you. And one of these emotions was his anxiety. But you knew what to do, thanks to you having so many panic attacks in the past.

"4-7-8 method, baby," you told him in a gentle tone. "Can you do that for me?" He nodded and started to do what you had asked of him. Breathe in for 4 seconds, hold for 7, and out for 8.

"Good," you give him a small smile. "Do you want some water?" He nodded and you handed him the cup. After taking a few sips, he handed it back to you. "I had a nightmare." His breathing quickened again.

"Slow baby, slow." You remind him, "I had a nightmare about my past. It..." He didn't finish the rest of his sentence, but you understood just fine. It scared him.

"It's okay. You're not living there anymore, you're not alone anymore. Everything's okay."

His breathing calmed and so did his emotions. He finally let you hug him, basking in each other's warmth. He hid his face in the crook of your neck, his breathing evening out until you heard soft snores. You almost wanted to coo at his childlike behavior.

As carefully as you could, you laid his head against his pillows and climbed into the bed. But before you could even put the blanket on yourself, Kaiser snuggled up to you. His head rested against your chest, his arms around your waist. He had a content look on his face, as if he didn't just have a panic attack.

You almost wanted to take a picture, but you thought better of it. This was only for your eyes, his downs, and his ups.