Old Soul Dairies

Dear Dairy,

To all my girlies out there who love Taylor Swift songs, reading and smelling an old book pages, treats the library as their sanctuary, taking pretty pictures of the sky, and appreciate the little things in life; from the brightest star at night to the orange leaf that falls in the first day of autumn... I see you, babes... There's always a spark inside you that this world can never extinguish. Keep shining, girl.

Dear Diary,

In a world where people are rushing to get to the pyramid's top, I stood still at the bottom and watch them do so.

I've just realized the power of pausing, the necessity of rest.

Everyday doesn't have to be a winning, neither a hustle nor a trying.

Some days, you just got to stop what you're doing, look around... and breathe. 🍃☘️🍁🌿🍂

Random thought... but I felt really, really, REALLY amazing when I prayed for certain people and then suddenly, I get to see those people receiving the answers to those prayers, whether it is surviving another semester, or finally graduating after long years of patient struggles in college, or finding a special someone, or being productive in simple things, or seeing their own businesses grow from scratch, or watching them heal from past trauma. Shout out to those people! I've been silently mentioning their names to God, and even though I don't talk to them much in person anymore, I still am hoping and praying for their best, and I'm very happy to see them happy too.

Y'all... this world is already cruel, might as well be the one to leave no room for hatred. Kindness is free anyway.

She's giving the ☀️🖌️ 🎨

Rapunzel Vibe

After a Sundays church, I just visited a local chapel under construction nearby and, man... Look at this! Just... Look! This stained glass artwork of Angel Michael just caught my eyes. In today's generation where technology and A.I. are gradually devouring the field of arts, I still am fully blown away and rooting for this form of artistic craft. I'm glad that I was born with artworks made by these bare hands, and not on digital screens, truly is a masterpiece.

I'm loving it 💕✨

Not too smart

Not even gifted

Dear Diary,

Just a friendly reminder:

Treat your mind like a garden, flourish it with healthy thoughts and wisdom. Treat your heart like a castle, store it with treasurable kindness and love that no one can steal. Treat your soul like an armour, ever-bearing with strength and courage in the battlefield of life. Treat your body like a temple, an intricate architecture and sacred place where God lives... Then, surely, people around you will witness how bright the light you carry from inside out.

Some of the most beautiful things that God created were placed in the darkest places. Look at the moon, isn't she lovely? So when you go through a tunnel and you can't seem to find the light, try to look from within. Maybe the light is you. Maybe God put you there to shine through. Just like the moon shines amidst the night to guide lost travellers, maybe you were put there to guide lost souls.

🌒🌙🌛🌝

It's funny how people try to play me, not knowing I'm the one at the backstage who's writing the script.

Let's give 'em a round of applause, shall we?

👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

For some random thought...

It feels unbelievable that 50 years from now I'll forget many things... Like: I'll forget how the sound of rain in 29th of July comforts me, how the purple sky yesterday made me smile, how excited I was when Speak Now Taylor's Version was released, I'll forget the silly and loud laughter me and my friends made at the University's bleachers because of some dark-humor, I'll forget getting butterflies in stomach when my crush made the first move to react on my Facebook post, I'll forget how intense I cried the whole night while reading The Book Thief by Markus Zusak for the first time, and the feeling of being young... carefree... the feeling of being strong and able enough to dance with the rain, or scream the chorus of You Belong With Me at the top of your lungs, or get a part-time job at some random bakery shop, or play volleyball under the sun.

One day, this youth will pass by like an autumn season.

We'll get older and weaker.

The hands of clock will rotate continuously and time will soon erase some of those wonderful memories.

One day, I might even forget that I wrote this post.

I just can't believe that everything is fading away through a split of second. 50 years may sound too long and overwhelming, yet scary to realize that with a blink of an eye... I'll find myself at that age, maybe sitting on a couch with gray hair and wrinkled skin, barely moving 'cause I might worsen my arthritis.

Until then, I'll pray to God to help me retain those memories. So that when old days come, I'll still be able to reminisce these little moments and share it with my grandchildren (if ever I'll have one), and smile with a heart-piercing nostalgia.

I don't want to forget.

Whether it'll be 10 years or 30 years or 50 years or more... Whether happy, sad, disappointing, exciting, regretful, satisfying, frightening, boring, or adventurous moments... everything!

I just don't want to forget.

Kindness isn't weakness. Those who respond genuinely despite being mistreated, those who appear to be kind and gentle when they have all the reasons to be vengeful and unforgiving, they are the people who learned how to dance with the storm instead of running away from it.

So, if you meet these people, know that it took a lot of self-control to be that kind. They are not weak. They are bombs waiting to be triggered.

Their kindness only meant that they managed to tame their monsters.

Fact. I had once a deep conversation with my friends, and they were quite surprised on how I responded to the topic. They realized I'm more straightforward and hold authoritative mindset compared to the smiley and carefree expectations they thought I was. You really never knew someone until you cornered and sat with them for a serious real-talk.

Name your one favourite song per each Taylor Swift's album.

• The outside (debut)

• Fearless (fearless)

• Long Live (speak now)

• Everything Has Changed feat. Ed Sheeran (red)

• Style (1989)

• Don't Blame Me (reputation)

• Daylight (lover)

• Willow (evermore)

• Invisible String (folklore)

• You're On Your Own Kid (midnight)

D'you ever walked down your subdivision street, and you looked around, witnessing the evergreen trees along the sidewalk dancing by the wind's rhythm, a flock of birds took flight across the baby blue sky savouring their freedom, and few people with their pets or friends or loved ones passing by your direction, laughing, chit-chatting, and exchanging good morning's with warm smiles... and then you realized... It's not a bad life after all.

I'm a breathing soul full of contradictories.

Sometimes, I'm like an unfit piece of a jigsaw puzzle. Sometimes, I blend into the crowd as natural as a chameleon. Sometimes, I enjoy cute romantic comedies that make me kick and giggle and fantasize across the screen. But sometimes, I also enjoy true crime stories of serial killers who murdered their victims in the most gruesome ways. Sometimes, I'd prefer crazily dancing amidst the storm like no one is watching. Sometimes, I just wanna relax and sit on the shore as I watch the dawn breaks from the horizon. Sometimes, I'd rather lock myself in my room and read a book, embraced by the serenity of my four-walled home. However, sometimes, I wanna hit the road, meet different strangers, and travel places to places to appreciate the beauty of the outside world.

Sometimes, I'm a wallflower. Sometimes, I stand on the spotlight. Sometimes, I'm very much warm and loud, bursting laughter from a dirty joke. Sometimes, I'm the quietest person in the room with these cold eyes and kill-joy aura. Sometimes, I love feminine dresses with floral and bright designs. Sometimes, baggy clothes and sneakers and monotone colors are my style. Sometimes, I jam to Taylor Swift's girl-coded songs. Sometimes, I just listen to metal rock anime openings.

And the list goes on and on.

The point is, isn't it funny? How a single person holds both sides of the scale, a wide kaleidoscope of unique traits living harmoniously inside our body, and yet... we still question our authenticity. We still lower our heads and feel insecure to be true.

My dear, why not be fearless? Why not flaunt your real self and hug your ever-so contradicting character? You're beautiful, trust me. A masterpiece from a cluster of stars and dusts. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.

To embrace your rarest and raw self is the best gift you can give to yourself.

Remember that.

Dear Diary,

April

Month when spring lives

As snowflakes die

When flowers bloom

For winter's goodbye

Some may call it

Days of the fool

'Cause it took winter's death

For this season to rule

Dear Diary,

A scent of old paperback pages,

A sweet aroma of a light coffee,

Whip of breeze from open window,

And a four-wall room of serenity.

Nothing's better than this,

A midnight escape from reality,

As the whole world falls asleep,

A book beckons me to a journey.

In a land of myths, monsters, and swords,

In a place where no human has ever be,

I read and got lost and took a sip,

Only to notice, my cup's now empty.

Ahhh, what a great feeling, it is,

To savour this moment for free.

Kristal

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