hello my name is Very tiny flying insect i see you’ve got an uncovered beverage outdoors. Can i fall into it and kill myself please please please please please please please please please please

masturbation is evil not for any puritan anti-fun reason but because it has permanently claimed so many verbs

nobody can crank anything anymore. and god forbid you jerk

if i had super speed im sure people would be like "how could you possibly have super speed" and i would be like "ok, ill prove it. name something you can get at a grocery store" and they would be like "hmmm okay. cheddar cheese" and then i would use my super speed to shave their head completely bald almost instantly. theyll never see it coming

i cant fucking take it anymore. (standing perfectly still, is not visibly stressed, appears normal)

i need to cheer myself up im gonna try to draw a shrimp from memory

Coolest thing about lord of the rings? The king of horses shows up. It appears he is no different from all other horses

King of the eagles shows up later. He can talk. Horse king couldn't talk.

He didn't want to talk to you.

4 days until wet rat wednesday

3 days until wet rat wednesday

1 day until wet rat wednesday

Despite all my wrath I am still just a rat in a bath

in my sickly haze I somehow installed 2 tumblrs

so interesting news but after using both for a bit, while they initially seemed the same, it has become clear that the right tumblr app takes place in a timeline where 9/11 did not happen

is it better there

you might think so but you'll never believe what happened on 9/12

i asked my dad to make me a hot chocolate and he’s literally sawing something in the kitchen rn

huh why don't i feel so good *remembers the curse on my bloodline* ohhhhhh

cats are so right about lying on the floor and doing a big stretch