riptide

sometimes i feel like all i am is a disorder

sounds silly but. one of the greatest things ever as someone with a trauma background is learning that things aren't inherently as bad or as scary as I thought. it IS possible to assemble Ikea furniture without arguments. is IS possible to discuss boundaries without having something thrown at me for speaking out of turn. it IS possible to spend hours on end sharing your favourite things with your favourite people, and not get called annoying for it. the world is an incredible place

relapse is not a moral failure. substance use and addiction are not a moral failure. mental illness is not a moral failure. disability is not a moral failure. you have a health condition. you are struggling. recovery is not mean to be perfect, and if you're not in recovery, surviving is good too. i'm glad you're here, and i hope life treats you better soon. please know this is not your fault. you do not need to feel guilty over your own health.

I think it’s really important to write down how you feel when you actually feel good. Write about the environment, what you’re thinking, hearing, seeing–It’s necessary to take notice and be aware of that. I feel good right now because the window is open and there’s a nice light breeze coming in, and because it’s silent in my room, and not an anxiety inducing silence but a comforting one. You don’t have to pull out a notepad every single time it happens but every single one of us experiences one moment, however small, as being comfortable and safe, and I think they’re worth remembering. I think if I do this more often it’ll help with my crashes in the future. It’s not much but it’s something. It feels like a meditative state that I didn’t plan or force myself into but that the universe brought to me and it’s a nice thought.

people are saying do it scared, but you also gotta do it alone. you'll miss out on so much you want to do if you wait til someone will do it with you. do it scared and do it alone.

"everybody experiences that" says mother who has the same symptom of the same mental illness

Do things with fear. And make that phone call. Make that video call. Reach out to that person you have been meaning to. Go inside that store that intimidates you for some reason. Put your hand up and give your opinion if you have something to say. Literally, do it even with the fear, otherwise you never will. I'm holding your hand and rooting for you. GO GO GO.

Mental illness is the most isolating thing in the world. You’re completely on your own in a black sea of nothing but pain.

things! are! changing! i am making them change!