don't mind me~

FORMAT: > Full Name (Nicknames) > [Handle if decided] > Title > [Symbol if decided] > Text/Blood Color > Typing Quirk > Strife Specibi > Dreamer Type

HUMAN PLAYERS: * note that I didn’t even bother trying to apply HS human-name-length conventions

YU KANDA / 神田ユウ (most call him Kanda) [handle was fuckOff before Lenalee made him change it] PRINCE of LIFE [that dreamstateless aum symbol] deep blue types like this dumbshit  (EXCEPT WHEN HES GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU RABBIT) Fistkind, Swordkind [+dual-wielding] Prospit dreamer

LENALEE LEE / 李丽娜 (Lena, Lenalady) >  MAID of BLOOD [butterfly or dragonfly symbol] amethyst-purple Types like this! She’s pretty easygoing. :3 Bootkind Prospit dreamer

LAVI “BOOKMAN JR.” >  MAGE of HEART >  red-orange types like this yuu~ 8D 8D 8D hv u hrd frm lena???  (Except when shit’s going down.) Hammerkind Prospit dreamer

ALMA KARMA mayonnaiseEnthusiast BARD of SPACE [sooo tempted to make hir symbol a jar of Helmann’s or Miracle Whip] golden yellow fairly casual!!! :D Polearmkind Derse dreamer

HOWARD LINK (everyone calls him Link) >  KNIGHT of DOOM [crow silhouette] bronze-brown (Very serious and formal when typing.) Daggerkind, Paperkind Prospit dreamer

ARYSTAR KRORY III (everyone calls him Krory) [gothicGardener???] HEIR of RAGE [rose blossom] deep purplish-maroon Nervous when typing? And ends a lot of sentences with question marks?  (EXCEPT WHEN HE’S IN BATTLEFACE MODE.) Gauntletkind, Swordkind Derse dreamer

MIRANDA LOTTO (Mira) >  SYLPH of TIME [analog clock or hourglass symbol] dark brown very, very nervous when typing, I, I’M SO SORRY!!! [clockkind? keykind?] Prospit dreamer

NOISE MARIE (most call him Marie) noelOrganon SEER of MIND >  jade-green Serious but easygoing when typing.  [through Dragon or another transcriber?] Wirekind Prospit dreamer

DAISYA BARRY (“call me Big D!” ...no one calls him Big D.) >  THIEF of BREATH [soccerball symbol] sky-blue ttly formal typist (haha psych) Ballkind Derse dreamer

TROLL PLAYERS: * note that I did do the six-letters thing here, though I’m not 100% satisfied with the results

AILLEN WALKER [crownedClown? pokerFace?] KNIGHT of HOPE [upside-down pentacle symbol] rust (“maroon”) blood Formal style, amiable. :) Clawkind, Riflekind, BFSkind [this kid believes wholeheartedly in backups for your backups] Prospit dreamer

ERHODE KAMLOT (most call her Rhode) sweetDreamer WITCH of VOID [astrological Saturn symbol] seadweller (“violetblood”) Semiformal typing style; can be maAaAaAaddeningly cryptic... ;) Needlekind, Daggerkind Derse dreamer

TYCATL JEMIKK (most call him Tyki) [cardShark???] PRINCE of RAGE >  yellowblood amiable, casual typing style  (Except when he’s looking forward to watching you bleed.) [brassknucklekind? saikind?] Derse dreamer

WISELY VIZDOM (Wise to friends; Wiseass when they’re pissed at him) >  MAGE of MIND >  tealblood Types like this most of the time.  (exceptduringmigraineswhyrustilltalkingtome) [scarfkind? switchbladekind? ...eyeballkind?] Prospit dreamer

JASDER & DEVITT BONDOM (Jasdevi) [twinTerrorists???] BARD of HEART >  indigo (“purple”) blood Devitt types like this yo / AND JASDER TYPES LIKE THIS HEEHEEHEE / Dammit jas shut up / (heeheehee) [pistolkind? hairkind???] [one body, two dreamselves; can’t remember if I ever decided which twin for which moon]

ELIADE AKHAMA (El or Elli to friends) [sooo tempted to make her handle helloNurse] THIEF of LIFE >  ceruleanblood Doesn’t Usually See The Point In Communicating Via Text. [stilettokind...in both senses of the term] Prospit dreamer

LUBELL LUSTUL (most call her Lulu) >  MAID of SPACE [some kind of feline symbol?] blue (“indigo”) blood Doesn’t talk much.~ But when she does you’d better listen.~ Whipkind Derse dreamer

SACHKO CHOMSK (Sachi or Cho to friends) >  ROGUE of TIME >  oliveblood easygoing & casual~cho!! Bombkind Derse dreamer

Beacon Hill as a residential neighborhood is poisonous.  The longer people live here, the more intense the symptoms of the disease--normally civil, reasonable people become petty and spiteful and vicious and mean.

The disease perpetuates the idea that this neighborhood is somehow better than others, that people living here are somehow above the rest, that they're the only ones who matter and they can do whatever they want.  It's a fantasy of living in an elite, exclusive suburban gated community in the middle of a crowded, busy city.

Symptoms advance more rapidly and severely on the southern slope, peak, and Hancock Street--the parts that were always Beacon Hill and not former West End, except for Hancock, which is distinct from the rest of the north slope both in its upward traffic direction and its proximity to the State House.  Perhaps they react more virulently because right next door is Joy Street, which features section 8 housing.  (The rabble, right?)

Sufferers exhibit an uncontrollable compulsion to talk shit about their neighbors behind their backs and in front of anyone else, without exception--even people they're friendly with face-to-face don't escape.  Pointless contempt and backstabbing are ubiquitous.  More pernicious, though, is the delusion that everyone else's business is theirs, and that they have the unalienable right to do whatever the hell they want, regardless of how it affects anyone else.

Take, for example, people who regularly rip up and poison plants and gardens belonging to others that are in no way near to or encroaching on their own property.  Or those who jealously guard their property and bitch at anyone who steps over the invisible border line.  Or those who nurse stupid grudges and plot ways to get others in trouble with the law, with inspectors, with the fire marshal.  The kind of people who would try to drive someone out of business for no other reason than not liking them.  The kind of people who would cut down an old, healthy, beautiful flowering shade tree for no other reason than because they can.

It's truly amazing how insulated from the rest of the city people can make themselves, how superior they can convince themselves they are just because a few blocks over is ~ultra posh~ Louisburg Square, where Secretary of State John Kerry's official residence is.  Nevermind that on our street, no one bothers to pick up their dog's shit.  Obviously their fingers are too pristine to go anywhere near something that came out of Fifi's expensively groomed behind.

01 Earl of Millennium ("Adam") -- Tyrian purple, Emperor etc. (undying and generally evil) -- Pisces? 09 Road Kamelot (dream(s)) -- Tyrian purple, heir etc. (raised by a horrorterror) -- Pisces? 02 Tryde (judgement(s)) -- seadweller violet, kind of royalty -- Aquarius? (seems Libra'd fit him better) 03 Tyki Mikk ("Joyd") (pleasure(s)) -- indigo, half-and-half, dangerously unstable -- Capricorn? 04 Sheryl(sp?) Kamelot ("Desires") (~greed) -- true blue, nobility, strength -- Sagittarius? 05 Wisely (wisdom(s)) -- cerulean blue, nobility, vision fivefold -- Scorpio? 06 Fiddler (corrosion? corruption?) -- teal, borderline, weird tongue thing -- Libra? 07 Mercym (pity/mercy(ies)) -- jade green, exception, sunlight -- Virgo? 08 Skinn Bolic ("Wrathra") (wrath(s)) -- olive green, middle-class, lives in a cave? -- Leo? 10-11 Jasdero and Devit ("Jasdevi") ("Bondom") (bonds) -- yellow, duality, crazy psionics -- GEMINI~ 12 Lulu bell ("Lustul") (lust(s)) -- brown, low class, animal whisperer? -- Taurus? (Leo fits better) 13 Mightra (skill/talent?) -- rust red, bottom of the pecking order, powerful psionic -- Aries? 14 Neah Walker (destruction) -- mutant, deadly secret, wild card -- Cancer?

(this one could apply to D.Gray-stuck if you find a replacement cherub, like Apocryphos or something. augh why is Homestuck so complicated.)

NOAHCESTORS

01/09 Earl as Emperor, Road as Tyrian descendant 04 Desires' descendant Sheryl as seadweller (wealth, influence, and genocidal mania) 03 Joyd's descendant Tyki as indigo 07 ...Mercym... as b100 (STRENGTH and sunglasses) 05 Wisely('s descendant that poor homeless kid in Paris or wherever) as cerulean 06 ...Fiddler... as teal 13 ...Mightra... as jade (all wrapped up to hide the glowiness?) 12 Lustul's descendant Lulu as olive (catgirl; add animal control, or leave to Skinn?) 10-11 Bondom's descendants Jasdevi as yellow 08 Wrathra's descendant Skinn as brown (animal-whisperer, or leave to Lulu? 02 ...Tryde... as red (psionic spirit medium?) 14/15 Neah's descendant Allen as mutant

NOAHSPECTRUM

01/14 Earl as Emperor, Neah as heir/archrival/overthrower/troublemaker 04 Sheryl as seadweller 10-11 Jasdevi as indigo twins (how did I miss this?) 02+06+07+13 Tryde/Fiddler/Mercym/Mightra filling out the blues and greens, maybe Tryde as a justice-obsessed teal? Mightra as psychic blue or green? Fiddler as...uhhh...some type of green? oliveish maybe? 09 Road as jade (works surprisingly well, especially considering how hard she is to kill) 05 Wisely as yellow (ridiculously powerful and ridiculously useless when he has a headache/is busy sulking) 03 Tyki as a yellow-brown (psionics etc.) 08 Skinn as a red-brown (maybe he hears the voices of the unavenged dead?) 12 Lulu as true red (one of those lowbloods who's weirdly into the social order that's busy screwing them; also, psionics--sort of a Handmaid or Damara character maybe?) 15 Allen as mutant (that Neah decides is a perfect candidate to help reform the world order; Allen thinks Neah is completely insane and a little scary, so acts like he's going along with it but plots escape routes)

The latter two of the scenarios is applicable to an alternate Kids/Game thing that I've been trying to work out ectobiology for and just succeeding in confusing myself further, and I'm pretty sure this sentence is an abomination unto the English language but whatever:

THE 'PARENT' GENERATION (ALPHA KIDS?)

- Kanda Yuu/Yu Kanda (Prospit) + Alma Karma (Derse) - Lenalee Lee/Lee Lenalee (Prospit) + Lavi Bookman (Derse)

THE 'CHILD' GENERATION (BETA KIDS?)

- Miranda Lotto (Prospit) + Arystar Krory III (Derse) - Daisya Barry (Prospit) + Noise Marie (Derse)

(couples and sibling pairs split between dreaming moons because nothing else made sense)

FAMILY STRUCTURES:

- Kanda as a Bro-like figure for Krory? post-Scratch, knowing of and benefiting from Krory's work? - Alma as a Mom-like figure for Miranda? post-scratch, knowing of and benefiting from Miranda's work? - Lenalee as a Nanna-like figure for...uh...Marie? with Komui as a Dad? post-scratch, Marie as Poppop sorta for Lenalee? - Lavi as a Grandpa-like figure for...uh...Daisya? and vice versa?

-- Kanda and Alma never meeting prescratch? or a Mom/Dad tragic romance kind of thing? or growing up together? (I'm leaving it up to whoever for Alma's gender identity. cis male, cis female, MTF, FTM, genderqueer, intersex, whatever.) -- Lavi and Lenalee growing up together prescratch? siblings or neighbors? or never meeting? -- postscratch, Miranda and Krory teaming up? -- postscratch, Marie and Daisya growing up brothers?

GUARDIANS:

The Earl of Millennium is a Time Lord* Lord of Time (seven-thousand-year-old sorcerer with game-breaking powers and evil-god levels of final boss difficulty); the setting itself can be played as straight AU or as a sort of weird alternate-dimension reincarnation fic: where the Earl lost the war but could not be destroyed, and was sealed away from the universe/world he so dearly wanted to lay waste to, and nursed a massive grudge until the time when he could come at the problem from a different angle--19th-century vendetta, 19th-century style; 21st-century vendetta...  No longer a quasi-steampunky shadow holy war where he's pulling all the strings, but a quasi-cyberpunky dimension-hopping game interface similarly orchestrated so that the dice are loaded in his favor and the poor suckers caught up in the middle of it have little choice other than to die horribly.  (D.Gray-man is not a pleasant setting.  Homestuck isn't either, but both stories are told in such a way that you're frequently distracted from the bleakness of reality.)  My notes describe as being influenced by the era: 19th-century style was a holy war with chosen apostles and religious magic; 21st-century style is sci-fi mindfuckery with grey aliens and video games.

*I'm assuming someone's made this joke about Caliborn/Lord English already.

(So if it's the sequel to D.Gray-man, then the Earl finds a way to yank at Allen/Neah from where he's been banished, and resets their existences--three of the Exorcists closest to Allen (who died around the same time as him? this AR probably involves a pyrrhic-victory ending where the world is saved but all your favorite characters are dead or horribly maimed) are pulled along into the Earth time period where the Earl's trying to do-over the war, the Noah are reborn in a new world specifically designed by the Earl so that they too can enter the 'game' and be given the chance to join him and benefit through his victory, and Neah--since he is the one the Earl most wants to punish--winds up, by the rules of this new existence the Earl is setting up, as his alter ego.  This is not ideal for the Earl, but it was difficult enough to arrange all this from being trapped outside of space and time, so sacrifices must be made.  This way, he gets to destroy the Earth and its ungrateful inhabitants, take revenge on Allen Walker and the 14th, reunite with those most deserving in his family, and torture some other exorcists as a side benefit.)

I'm undecided as to how to organize the Noah--it's tempting to try to align them along the eastern or western zodiacs, but I don't think it'd fit them very well--and there's only twelve of them this way, and JasDevi would feel awkward not both being Gemini.  I'll probably just go with the numbering scheme, and/or assign haemospectrum values.  And in terms of lusii...oy.  I'll get back to you on that.

For world guardians I'm going with Timcanpy, and maaaybe Lero, still undecided about that.

So!  I've mostly been working with the Fab Four/Kids angle.  Here's what I've got so far:

KID -- Allen Walker SYMBOL -- *ace of spades? upside-down pentagram?* the Crown Clown mask? a clown-paint face? the cross on his hand? COLOR -- red and grey and silver and white; theme a deep blood red TYPING HABIT -- almost stiffly proper grammar and punctuation and capitalization, if a bit shaky on spelling...until he's pissed off, in which case propriety falls by the wayside and he gets a bit more vulgar SCREEN NAME -- word bank: crown clown pierrot red black white cross grave 14 mask poker ace royal flush; candidates: whitePierrot, whiteClown, crownClown, pokerFace, royalFlush, paintedMask, crossGrave, numberFourteen... STRIFE SPECIBUS -- clawkind (dunno how to address the sword/lightsaber/gun thing) GOD TIER TITLE -- Knight of Hope; also considered Heir of Hope, and he works as a Hero of Blood, or maybe Doom or Heart (I was sooooo tempted to make him Prince of Time because of Hevlaska's prophecy, you have no idea) LAND NAME -- idea bank: circus, tents, clowns, snow, ice, frost, graves, graveyards, wandering...something to do with his aspect as well maybe. churches? Land of Snow and Churchyards? EARTH HOME -- somewhere in Britain, or maybe India ASSOCIATED PEOPLE ETC. -- Timcanpy, Cross, Mana...Mother, Baba, Cosimo, Allen-the-dog...

KID -- Yu Kanda/Kanda Yuu SYMBOL -- *the truncated aum?* the hourglass lotus? COLOR -- blue and black and red; theme a dark navy blue TYPING HABIT -- he doesn't give a shit about capitalization or punctuation or spelling; gets capslocky when pissed SCREEN NAME -- word bank: mugen 6 illusion(s) sword khanda 2 second lotus alma; candidates: sixthIllusion, muGen, secondLotus, illusoryBlade, gofuckYourself... STRIFE SPECIBUS -- swordkind (/bladekind?) GOD TIER TITLE -- Prince of Life; also considered Knight of Life, and he might work as a Hero of Doom or Rage LAND NAME -- idea bank: ponds pools caves drought lotuses blue-skies...aspect too? Land of Drought and Lotuses? EARTH HOME -- China or Japan or Britain maybe ASSOCIATED PEOPLE ETC. -- Alma...Zuu, Edgar, Twi, Bak...Tiedoll, Marie...

KID -- Lenalee Lee/Lee Lenalee SYMBOL -- *butterfly?* dragonfly? high heeled shoe? chocolate cake? shackles? COLOR -- violet/purple and pink and red and green; theme some type of purple--lavender? royal purple? *amethyst?* TYPING HABIT -- casual (lowercase) but proper, with perfect spelling/grammar/punctuation, which can get a little enthusiastic!!! when overly excited or pissed off SCREEN NAME -- word bank: butterfly dragonfly chocolate boots shoes feet shackles; candidates: blackBoots, dragonFly, butterflyFeet, butterflyBoots, butterflyShoes, butterflyShackles... STRIFE SPECIBUS -- bootkind (/shoekind?) GOD TIER TITLE -- Maid of Space; also considered Heir of Space, Witch of Space, and she works as a Hero of Blood, or maybe Breath (she works better as these than as Space, but I needed a Space player and she fit best; she's Maid and not Witch at least partly because I didn't want overlap with the eight living Kids and the twelve main Trolls--Porrim and the rest of the Anscendants don't count because reasons) LAND NAME -- idea bank: uhhh. I haven't spent as much time concentrating on Lavi and Lenalee's headspaces as I should. EARTH HOME -- somewhere in China or maybe Britain...or Korea? ASSOCIATED PEOPLE ETC. -- Komui...Jeryy, Matron, Reever...

FIRST, THE PROS:

+ the area!

> plenty of beaches and woods around Forest River and Salem Harbor in the Salem and Marblehead area

--> Winter Island and the Salem Willows in North Salem, and the Cat Cove Marine Lab

--> Forest River Park by North Campus, beach nonexistent at high tide but good at low, with tons of soft-shell clams rendered inedible by the heavy metals in Salem Harbor from the power plant and the old brick factory

--> Wayman Woods by Central Campus on the bike path/rail trail, with a little beach and some trails through the woods ending in a sports field and playground

--> Pickman River, Pickman Park, and the Old Creek Marsh behind Central Campus: the site of an old lightbulb factory, a baseball/soccer field was built on the landfill and the school maintains an experimental salt marsh, where snowy egrets are currently raising their chicks (also there's a playground)

--> Forest River Conservation Area: smaller Marblehead side has plenty of woods and marsh trails, larger Salem side has older woods and links to the Salem Woods park

--> Devereux Beach along the road to Marblehead Neck, at low tide it's lovely with plenty of tidepools, and there's a concessions stand; further on the Neck is Castle Rock, with more tidepools

> transportation: located at the intersection of 1A and 114, Salem Depot is like a 15-20 min walk away? and the 455/459 buses ($2/@3.50 with free CharlieCard; commuter rail is more expensive, if quicker) literally stop at every campus except for O'Keefe

> close enough to Salem downtown to walk (10-15min?), but far enough to be relatively quiet; fairly easy to get to the Boston area if there's something you want that Salem doesn't have

+ the campus

> North has most of the College of Arts and Sciences classes, Meier Hall (where the labs are) and the Sullivan Building along with the combined dining commons/Mainstage Theater/Administration Building and the Ellison Campus Center; there's also the freshman dorms (Peabody and Bowditch) and the Horace Mann elementary school

--> there's a walkway of cherry trees in front of Sullivan so that for a week in April/May, it's raining pink petals like you're in an anime; there's a similar walkway of lilacs nearby, which blooms later in May/June

--> red maples that bloom before yellow maples, and a big old black locust tree between the stairways

--> the tunnel linking Sullivan and Mainstage is pretty cool (if populated mainly by theatre majors)

--> Peabody is the tallest building on campus, with eight floors and a view of the harbor

--> Meier has some great study spaces--the lobby with the Dunkin Donuts, the Writing Center on the second floor, the quiet little Geography Lounge on the third floor with its excellent napping furniture, the Bio Society and Chem Society rooms on the fifth floor with couches and fridges and three corn snakes and a bearded dragon...

> Central has the Bertolon business school and the music department as well as the "temporary" library (which will eventually be on North), and the Marsh sophomore dorm plus dining hall, and the apartment-style Atlantic Hall for upperclassmen, and the salt marsh! (and sports field yada yada) (and also the campus bookstore, which follows college bookstore tradition in terms of price gouging; I've honestly saved hundreds of dollars shopping online at bigwords.com, even if I do have to wait an extra week or two)

--> Marsh's floors are color-coded: 5th floor turquoise/cyan, 4th floor (a somewhat radioactive shade of) orange, 3rd floor blue, 2nd floor green, 1st floor red (though there's only a small dorm area, the rest is general lounge, including an air hockey table that might still be working); Atlantic just has blue for floors 2 and 4 and red for 1 and 3

> South is...well, it's right on top of the Conservation Area, and it has the Health & Human Services school as well as a gymnasium and small café...and Bates, the upperclassman housing that includes 21+ and international students

> oh yeah, O'Keefe.  O'Keefe is close to North and Central, and is like all sports.  Pardon me--"sport and movement sciences".  I enjoyed the archery and ice skating classes.

> campus in general:

--> some of the building design elements are quite nice--the nautical themes, some interesting materials, the tempting climbability of Atlantic's experimental modular lounge corner...

--> there's usually plenty to do on campus, from delicious cultural club dinners with free food and sometimes dances (African Student Union, Asian Student Association, Hispanic American Society, International Student Association, Multicultural Student Association, and also the smaller Italian Club which has movie nights) to the kind of concerts and parties and shows that I'm sure other people are interested in.  It's really easy to find free food around campus if you know where to look.

--> ...to say nothing of the free candy!  if you know where the bowls are (Copy Center, Clippercard Office, Physics Lab (in a ceramic brain jar labeled "brain food", etc.) it's like Halloween every day...my poor dentist.

--> you can use the Clipper Card to get food at Jade House (chinese), Okea (japanese), the White Dove (lebanese/convenience store), and a bunch of other great places around the area

--> vendors occasionally show up on North (or, during events like barbecues and open houses and stuff) with jewelry or hats or whatever; my favorite is the shinies people, with their hats and scarves and jewelry and incense and pretty rocks and crystals~

--> every so often, you see someone walking around in a giant Buzz Lightyear/Tony the Tiger/etc. costume.  I've never found out why.

--> brunch on the weekends at Marsh dining features Looney Tunes marathons

--> the milkshakes at the Upper Dining Commons on North are pretty good, even if the ice cream itself tends to be mediocre; I know we made the deal with Hershey's so that Marsh dining could have a soft-serve machine, but I do miss the Edy's from freshman year.  That shit was tasty.

+ the university in general:

> good theatre, biology, nursing, education departments; the biology department puts on an annual Darwin Festival with movies and talks given by people from all over the country, and our holiday party is awesome (although the department is so big now that not everyone gets a raffle gift anymore); Patti sells cacti and succulents and other house plants at the end of every semester in the lobby, and I've built up a lovely collection of jades and aloes and sedum

> you get a good education, meet good people: I understand and appreciate the requirements, I like the intensive nature of the curriculum; I like my professors, I like the staff, I like most of my classmates and fellow students

> you get a decent deal, and I do like it; it is still like the cheapest school in the state, and you do get what you pay for.  It could be a lot worse.  I may hate this school a lot, but I also love it.

NOW FOR THE CONS.  Where do I even start.

+ the student population:

> it's supposedly been a smoke-free campus since like 2010, but smokers still huddle outside most of the doorways of dorms, dining halls, and class buildings

> it's supposedly a dry campus because of all the littles going to the Horace Mann, but the freshmen regularly land themselves in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, the sophomores are seasoned binge drinkers and by the time you're an upperclassman you're like surrounded by alcoholics

--> one memorable moment from freshman year was staying up late studying in the dorm lounge and witnessing a group of girls tackling one of their friends, wrestling a cell phone out of her hands, and, I quote, "I turned my back on her for one minute and she did ten jello shots!"  It seemed like every week someone was getting wheeled out the front door in a stretcher for drinking too much, although in reality it was probably more like every few weeks.  The collective liver health of Salem State is...dismaying.

> as of last year we now have like three fraternities, just to make sure our binge drinking problems never ever go away

> the freshman class usually has a sizeable population of douchebags and idiots, like all colleges, and their efforts at drunken vandalism and assholery are indeed impressive

--> another freshman year memory!  When you're away from mommy and daddy for the first time, it's your opportunity to misbehave!  So it's totally a good idea to get plastered and graffiti genitalia and swastikas on the walls, right?  It's still funny even if they were next to a jewish girl's door, right?  Let it never be said that alcohol makes you intelligent.

+ the establishment:

> sometimes the administration and bureaucracy are competent.  Sometimes they make you want to tear your hair out.

--> Financial Aid, the Bursar, and the Registrar: as an example, last year my Student Support advisor forgot to take the hold off my account between our advising meeting and the opening of registration.  We got it fixed, but I had already lost 24 hours of registration, and one of the classes I needed was full.  I got on the "waiting list", which in the Bio department means "show up to the first week of classes and see which registered students don't show up/drop out"; luckily, there was an opening, and I got the necessary paperwork, got the signatures, and gave it to one of the women at the Registrar's Office.  A week later, I logged onto Canvas (the online resource site where professors put powerpoints and grades and quizzes and stuff) and found that I still wasn't in the class.  By this point I'd been attending lecture and lab for two and a half weeks, and the professor didn't know why I wasn't registered either.  Went back to the Registrar's office and was told that unless I could remember the exact person I talked to last time, I was screwed.  I'm lucky I have such a good memory.  Turns out the woman who took my paperwork the first time didn't actually enter it into the system.  (I needed the class both as a flowsheet requirement and for full-time status, which is important for insurance purposes.)

--> Residence Life: this should go without saying.

--> Counseling and Health Services does the best it can, but they're still a state school health center.  In freshman year, a friend of mine was stung by a bee, and they gave her a bandaid instead of helping get the stinger out.  This is one of the departments where SSU has really been improving since the construction of Marsh and the switch to university status.

--> another such area is the food: Chartwells in freshman year was...grim.  The salad sat out for ages with fruit flies throwing wild parties and orgies all over it, the leftover unsold pastries from upstairs that they fed to us on the weekends occasionally had mold on them, and once I was in line at the hot food station and I spotted a large dead moth in the dish.  When I pointed it out, the server used the ladle to scoop it out and throw it away, then kept serving.  With that same spoon.  The switch from North to Central for main cafeteria purposes brought about a reshuffling of staff and reworking of menu that broadly improved the quality of the food, but for the first year or so I still knew people who ate whatever Chartwells served and then spent an hour in the bathroom that night evacuating it.  I've never been so grateful to be a picky eater.

--> I feel the need to mention the huge ugly (wildly historically inaccurate) bronze Viking statue that's being built along with the new gymnasium; O'Keefe does desperately need a makeover, but instead of renovation, Salem State seems to give up on the poorly built buildings it already has and just builds new ones instead.  After they're finished with the new library and gymnasium, they want to build a new arts and sciences building to replace Meier Hall.  All of this could be avoided if they would just build things properly in the first place, and then maintain them properly so that these problems wouldn't develop.

--> the wi-fi is infamously spotty, unreliable, and likely to cut out at any time for whatever reason; similarly, when IT comes to 'fix' things, they usually just create more problems.  The computers in the computer labs build up more and more problems, and instead of fixing them, the computers are all replaced after a few years.

> the campus-run shuttle schedule is actually less reliable than the MBTA.  Congratulations.

> our school mascot is a fucking chicken nugget wearing a helmet.

> if you're a transfer, it is extremely difficult to get all of your credits accepted.  From what I've heard, you basically have to fight tooth and nail for each and every one.

> oh, you plan on graduating in four years or less? Good luck with that.  The biology and theatre departments especially are infamous for running 5/6-year majors, but I've heard complaints from Poli Sci and Communications majors as well, and of all my friends from freshman year? Just two are graduating.  The motto isn't kidding--"Salem State: educating you for life."  (I'll be graduating shortly before the heat death of the universe myself.)

+ the area and buildings:

> let me use the library as a case study.

--> rumor has it the building inspector back in the '70s was afraid of heights, so he didn't look too closely and let the builders get away with leaving out the rebar

--> so when they moved the books in, the building started slowly collapsing (the unwieldy, top-heavy roof didn't help)

--> it took them forever to condemn it, and even longer to dismantle it--they still haven't gotten rid of the thing, even though construction on the new library has finally finished (the dynamiting of the bedrock during Quant Chem lecture in junior year was...a bit distracting)

--> for some reason all the electrical wiring and gas and water lines ran underneath it? so all that had to be rerouted before construction (and demolition) could occur

--> so for years now the library has been half in storage, half crammed into the Bertolon Business Building

--> because Salem State.

> Meier Hall, built around the same period (along with all the buildings on North Campus): the northeast wall started collapsing as soon as construction was finished.  The roof leaks so badly it regularly floods, and some of the bio professors had to move their offices down to the second floor, where for some bizarre reason the room numbering scheme is totally different from the other floors.  My personal theory is that the person in charge of the floor plan was a sadist.

> Meier Hall's elevators are persnickety; the south one regularly malfunctions, and the north one moves so slowly you literally cannot tell you are moving.  Thirty feet per minute.  I shit you not.  My first semester on campus, I was in crutches.  It was excruciating.

> the science labs had state-of-the-art equipment! In 1980.

> the toilets are leaky and waste a huge amount of water; whenever they're replaced, the replacement has a motion sensor that occasionally goes off whenever someone walks over a particular floor tile.  If they revamped this, the water bill savings would probably be astronomical enough to preclude at least one semester's worth of the traditional raising-of-the-fees.

> zero reception in the Campus Center basement, where the Learning Center, Center for Academic Excellence, Groups & Clubs Room, radio broadcast room, and only free printing left on campus are located

> with regards to the dorms:

--> Peabody Hall's roof leaks as well, and the freshman mattresses are crunchy.  As in, they crunch.

--> Peabody and Bowditch are, in general, crowded and hot--the heat stays on even when it's 70 degrees outside, which is only useful for when the dryer didn't dry your socks.  Put those suckers on the heater and they'll be done in ten minutes!

--> the freshman dorms and Atlantic Hall both have yellow hallways (well, more of a chartreuse/lemon-lime for Atlantic); this can be a problem with regards to irritation and hostility for non-morning people, uncaffeinated people, and people who've been up all night studying.  (It's cheerful until you're exhausted, and then it just makes you angry.)

--> the couches in Atlantic Hall are so low you might as well be sitting on the floor, and the walls have about as much sound muffling quality as notebook paper; you can hear everything.  I do mean everything.  Kids running down the hall screaming and banging on the wall, the guys upstairs having a screaming fight at 2 AM about who's holding whose belongings hostage, the guys upstairs using the toilet, the people in your own apartment using the toilet...

--> mine was the first class to live in Marsh Hall, which was awesome until they told us they'd sprung for an air hockey table (that cracked down the middle within the semester) but not hand soap for the communal bathrooms.  This at a college that was nearly closed down the year before beacuse of the swine flu epidemic.  Two years later, the staircases still reek of rubber/plastic fumes, and the ceiling lamp covers still detach and crash onto the floor in the middle of the night (and maintenance's response is still to duct-tape them back on, because Salem State).

--> Marsh is built in such a way that walking between the Central dorms and, well, anywhere else requires you subject yourself to a massive wind tunnel.  This is especially fun in January, when the sleet is attempting to tear the skin off of your face.  (Also, when they dug out the uneven "quad" between the dorms, they didn't bother to lower the drainage pipe; now when it rains, the grass floods like an Olympic-size kiddie pool and the lid to the drain is still a foot above the water line.  I would like to have a conversation with the people who designed this.)

--> while Bates has a greater degree of independence and freedom with its townhouse/apartment style buildings and limited allowance for alcohol, it's still on South Campus, which is practically all the way in Swampscott.  North, Central, and O'Keefe are all clustered together at the northern end of Loring Ave, but South is way back towards the border with Swampscott in an area arguably best described as "bumfuck nowhere".  Also, their idea of a PA system is an RA standing outside with a bullhorn.

> miscellaneous issues:

--> some of the intersections are hellish--there's a particularly complicated one by Central Campus involving Loring, Jefferson, and Canal, but my personal unfavorite is Raymond Road, where vehicles are coming at you from three different directions, you can only predict one of those directions, and there is no traffic light. (Incidentally, Raymond Road cuts straight across to Lafayette, triple-branching halfway through into Raymond Avenue, which only intersects with Lafayette, and Raymond Terrace, which is a dead end.)

--> the bike path is extremely dark at night, which is great for pot smokers and drug dealers but not so much for everyone else

--> the Central Campus parking lot is filled with Bradford pears.  As anyone who's ever had to live near one of those can tell you, their lovely spring flowers reek like a number of unpleasant things that have gained the trees the monikers of "sweat sock trees", "squid trees", "jizz trees", etc.  To make it worse, once they reach 15 years or so their inherent structural instability causes them to basically snap in half and cause massive damage to whatever structure was unfortunate enough to be nearby.  In this case, I'm glad I don't drive.

--> another reason I'm glad I don't drive: traffic in October is a nightmare.  For the love of all that's holy, NEVER DRIVE IN SALEM IN OCTOBER.  The tourists clog the streets and a ten-minute drive can take up to two hours.

--> yet another reason I'm glad I don't drive: the parking here sucks almost as much as it does where I live in the middle of Boston, and that's saying something, seeing as the Beacon Hill/West End/Downtown area is where parking goes to die.  Salem State parking fees are expensive, even if they are cheaper than most schools, and parking is extremely limited--auxiliary lots are available, but they're in inconvenient locations off-campus that make for a miserable walk in the snow and rain, and students frequently park illegally, making it even worse for those who do have the correct stickers.

--> even more reasons I'm glad I don't drive: the parking lots flood when it rains.  See, Salem State is built on top of low-lying, filled-in marshland, which is where runoff is supposed to drain to.  O'Keefe's parking lot is particularly problematic--we frequently joke that North has the harbor, Central has the marsh, South has Forest River, and O'Keefe gets a lake every time it rains.  Peabody's parking lot gets almost as bad, and most grass/lawn areas on campus turn into swamp.  Frankly I'm impressed the grass can survive being submerged in water for so much of the year.

--> more freshman year memories!  They do better now, but I still remember the Monday when the school didn't get the word out in time and 92 cars turned into 92 boats.  Cars don't make very good boats.  (It's especially bad in winter when half-melted snow drifts prevent proper drainage, and every sidewalk is an adventure in lakes of slush.)

Basically Salem State's a good school and it's worth it, but for the love of god don't drive here.  Live on campus, commute with public transportation, walk, you have plenty of options!  Just...don't get yourself into a situation where you regularly need a parking space, or need to drive through Salem during the month of October.  For the sake of your sanity, at least.