“We aren’t anything Javadi, thank you.” Victoria smiles awkwardly and takes the opportunity to leave the conversation while she can,

Surely it was an accident. There was no way that Jack or you would forget to invite Robby to your fellowship celebration party. Robby still credits himself as a big reason you were able to get into the fellowship in the first place, despite Jack essentially stealing you from him. He pulls his phone out to quickly ask him about it.

Were you going to tell me about the party you’re hosting for her?

Dana passes by as he hits send,

“Did you know about that party Jack was throwing tonight?” he asks her as he leans onto the desk,

“Yeah, I just didn’t think you would wanna go.” Dana says mindlessly as she shuffles through the papers on her desk. She looks up to see Robby's bitter smile,

“Don’t get any bright ideas, Robinavitch. That girl worked hard and you aren’t going to ruin her party just because you’re upset. Either you show up tonight with a smile on your face or you don’t come at all.” Dana finds the form she was looking for and walks away.

Robby can’t picture showing up tonight and spending most of the night standing on the sidelines while Jack parades you around. He’ll feel ridiculous knowing Jack was the one whose name was signed on your letter and not his. Robby’s phone buzzes, snapping him out of his thoughts.

I didn’t think you would wanna go.

Change of plans, he was going to show up tonight.

⋆˚౨ৎ ⋆.˚

Robby shows up a little later than expected. It was nearing 9 PM but he was hoping a bottle of champagne would make up for it. He knocks on the door, standing awkwardly at the doorstep. He can hear music coming from the backyard and the occasional laughter. The door swings open to reveal you in a small pink dress. Your eyes widen at the sight of Robby,

“Robby! What are you doing here?” he can tell you’re already a little drunk from the red flush in your cheeks and slightly messy hair,

“I’m here to congratulate you.” Robby says, holding up the bottle towards you. You grab it from his hands,

“Thank you.” you mutter,

“Hey, you made it!” Dana says, approaching from behind. She puts her hands on your shoulders and gives him a warning glare as he welcomes himself in. You turn around to see Dana giving you a reassuring smile.

There’s a big ‘Congrats!’ banner hung up in Jack’s kitchen, along with balloons on the floor and some stuck on the roof,

“Help yourself to some food and drinks are in the fridge.” you tell him, stumbling around to open the fridge. Robby is quick to grab you and stabilize you,

“Woah, hey. You’ve had a lot already, huh?” he gives you that same familiar condescending smile. You feel your cheeks getting warmer as you regain balance,

“Hey, didn’t think you were gonna make it.” Jack says from behind Robby. He gives Robby a pat on the back as you hand him a beer,

“Change of plans.” He cracks open the can, walking outside to join the rest of the party. You notice Victoria’s eyes widen from afar in surprise as he joins the rest of the residents and nurses,

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know he was coming tonight.” Jack whispers in your ear. You give Jack a kiss on the cheek,

“It’s okay, it’ll be fine.” you grab another drink from the fridge.

⋆˚౨ৎ ⋆.˚

To say you’re freaking out is an understatement. From the second Robby walked in, it seemed like you only got drunker from there,

“Cheers to PTMC’s future attending neurologist!” Trinity yells out as everyone stands with a small plastic shot glass. Robby and Jack stand together watching from afar as you swing the cup back. Jack smirks at the face you make as the liquor burns the back of your throat. Robby looks over and sees Jack’s expression,

“You gonna let her work tomorrow with a hangover?” Robby asks,

“She’s a big girl, she can handle it.” Jack says, keeping his eyes on you. Robby shakes his head laughing dryly, taking a sip from his drink,

“Good luck with that, her work gets sloppy when she’s hungover.” Jack can sense Robby’s attempts at getting under his skin. Even after all this time, Robby is still trying to find an opportunity to get you back,

“Like I said, she can handle it.” Jack says flatly.

“Actually, do you wanna know why I think she can handle it?” Jack pauses and turns towards Robby,

“It's because I trust her. I also respect her and I’m not afraid to show that.”

“The only reason you know that is because you went and changed her shifts without asking me.” Robby quickly responds.

The pair notice your attention shifting to them as they talk in the corner. You aren’t able to make out their words but quickly forget about the sight when Mel pulls you for a picture.

“I didn’t need to ask. I’m also an attending in case you forgot.” Robby laughs.

“You won, Jack, is that what you wanna hear?” Robby excuses himself and walks away back into the kitchen towards the fridge.

In Jack’s eyes, it was never about ‘winning’. It had always been about treating you right— no more standing by, watching Robby speak to you however he wants. Winning was the last thing on Jack’s mind especially after you had confessed that you were previously sleeping with Robby. His goal has always been to love you fully and with as much support as he could provide.

As Robby grabs another drink from the fridge, he hears you stumbling towards the washroom. You look like a newborn deer trying to learn to walk for the first time. Robby follows as you slowly make your way down a hallway. You trip and nearly fall until Robby catches you,

“I got you.” he says lifting you back up,

“Thank you.” you try to keep yourself upright and stand as far away from him as possible— It’s not much given, it's a tight hallway. He stares as you adjust your dress. Your hair is done differently than how it is at work and he also notices that you wear a different perfume now. You did your makeup a little differently too and notices a small tattoo possibly? It’s almost frustrating to him how recognizable you were yet different you had become. You were no longer the same compliant, docile resident he trained and he hated it,

“You look beautiful, by the way.” Robby says quietly. He hesitates for a second,

“I’ve missed you.” It comes out awkwardly, like it was something he repeated in his head but had no intention of saying out loud,

“Thank you.” you mumble.

Robby stands close to you but keeps his hands behind his back— if he could, his hands would be on your cheeks, pulling you in slowly. Instead, Robby leans closer and closer to your lips. He doesn’t plan on kissing you, but hopes you’ll kiss him first. He wants to see that you still need him and prove that Jack isn’t giving you what he thinks you need.

You step back a few steps before hitting the wall and stumbling again. Robby grabs your arms again, lifting you up,

“Looks like you still need me.” Robby mumbles jokingly. Though it comes off much more condescending than he usually intends,

“I don’t need you anymore, Robby,” you say, shoving his chest as hard as you can. He stumbles back in surprise, hitting the other side of the hallway wall,

“It was just a joke.” Robby laughs at your reaction.

Robby loved watching you get riled up at him. Any indication that you needed validation from him, he was taking from you. He was willing to keep pushing until he decided to give it to you,

“Yeah, well it didn’t feel like it.” you felt anger bubbling in your chest the longer you looked at his stupid, ego filled smile.

Meanwhile, Jack had been searching all over outside for you. You weren’t with Trinity or Samira or any of the residents around— Dana started helping search for you at some point. As he starts searching inside, he hears Robby’s laugh first then your voice,

“I haven’t needed you for a long time now. I didn’t need you to get into my fellowship.” it comes out more obviously irritated this time and Robby smiles.

Jack knows it’s wrong to be eavesdropping. He trusts you wholeheartedly but he doesn’t trust Robby and whatever ulterior motive he might have. He stands close by around a corner. Jack swears to himself that he’ll give it a minute before he grabs you. He can’t help but be curious to know where this might go,

“Right, and now you need Jack.” Robby retorts,

“That’s different.”

“How so? You went from one attending to the other. Does that make it any different” Robby scoffs,

“He isn’t a manipulative asshole for one.” Jack almost lets out a laugh as he overhears you,

“Manipulative asshole?” Robby repeats laughing harder this time,

“I made you into one of the best residents, and an even better neuro fellowship candidate. Don’t forget that when you come crawling back to me.” That's Jack’s cue to step in. He rounds the corner to see Robby towering over you,

“Hey, there you are. Dana brought a cake for you.” You turn to look at Jack. He senses a feeling of relief from you and irritation from Robby. Jack puts his hand on the small of your back, leading you outside but not without glaring right at Robby.

Sat between Samira and Mel, you cut the small cake into slices and pass them out. As you pass another plate around,

“This feels like a birthday party.” Trinity says,

“Cakes are meant for celebrations, what’s wrong with that?” Dana says, slapping her arm jokingly.

A pop! is heard from the corner as Princess holds another open bottle of champagne; it’s the bottle Robby brought, which doesn’t go unnoticed by you. In the corner of your eye, you notice Robby standing by the backyard door. He stands with his body half inside and half outside, as if he’s teetering on staying. Jack thinks he’s overstayed his welcome and Robby agrees since the next time you look over, he’s already gone.

⋆˚౨ৎ ⋆.˚

Jack sits beside you as he pulls the blanket over top. He smiles at the sight of you drunkenly looking up at him. Jack can’t help but notice a small shift in your mood as he watches your smile turn into a pensive expression. He doesn’t rush you to confess what’s on your mind, he know it’ll come out when you’re ready,

“What were you and Robby talking about earlier?” Jack gives you an uncomfortable smile. He knew the conversation was coming, he just thought it would be tomorrow morning over breakfast and not while you were drunk and half awake. He takes a deep breath,

“Nothing really, I think he just misses you and doesn’t know how to talk about it.” there’s a pause,

“What were you and Robby talking about? Earlier by the bathroom.” you flash a similar uncomfortable smile to Jack’s question,

“You heard that?”

“I was looking for you and I might’ve heard a bit.” The pitch of Jack’s voice goes higher towards the end of his sentence. You ponder Jack’s thoughts for a second,

“I don’t know if he misses me. I think he might just miss controlling me— having control over something really,” you say.

Jack walks to the other side of the bed, removing his leg and climbing in beside you. He pulls you close until your head is on his chest,

“You’re not gonna leave me once I’m at Westbridge, right?” you whisper,

“Why do you ask?” Jack knows exactly why you’re asking. He knows Robby planted the idea in your head earlier and you haven’t been able to shake it since,

“No reason.” you mumble. Jack doesn’t press on it.

“I’m not leaving. I fully expect you to come back and boss us around when we call neuro down. Don’t think I’m gonna go easy on you though.” The small laugh from you makes Jack’s chest swell.

The bedroom goes quiet and is soon filled with your soft snores. Jack lays wide awake, replaying the conversation he overheard between you and Robby. The more Jack thinks about it, he doesn’t entirely agree with what you just said about Robby. Jack thinks the complete opposite of what you said. Yes, Robby lacks control over things in his life, but he’s more frustrated that he can’t control who you fall in love with. Robby can’t make you love him and he hates that so much that he’ll take whatever you give him.

Jack feels himself spiraling more and more until your phone dings. He thinks it’s just Santos sending you pictures from tonight until another one goes off shortly after. He grabs your phone in hopes of turning it silent but sees it’s a text message from Robby.

I didn’t get a chance to say it but congratulations.

I’m proud of you. More than you’ll ever know.

Jack stares at the phone for a second. There’s no other messages, no previous conversation. He swipes delete on the conversation and watches it disappear from your text history.

He feels you shuffle around and puts your phone down,

“Who’s that?” you mumble half awake,

“Just Santos. Don’t worry.” Jack kisses the top of your head as you fall back asleep.

“Have you ever thought about swapping to the night shift?” Jack asks as you walk together to your next patient,

“Uhm… I don’t know. I’ve never really thought of it actually.” you’re unable to read Jack’s face as he pulls you to the side,

“You should really consider it, I think you’d be great on the team.” he says quietly, trying to keep the conversation between the two of you. your brows furrow in confusion at his sudden approach, sensing an ulterior motive behind,

“Look, he’s my best friend but I see the way he talks to you. I’m not trying to make up shit to excuse whatever's going on with him, but you know how he is. I just think maybe you need a break, a change in teams, y’know.” you flash Jack a sympathetic smile as he speaks,

“Doctor Abbot, I’m fine, really. I appreciate your concern though.” you say as you hold the tablet out to pass to him. he takes a deep breath as he takes it from you, letting you walk away to finish your handoffs. 

Jack wants to throw a lifeline to you. change your shifts without your permission, let you see what you’ve been missing out on firsthand and ask for forgiveness later. he doesn’t care about whether you might resent him for it or not, he just knows that you’re too ambitious, too smart and too keen to let it be diminished by the other attending.

as you type out your final chart of the day, Robby taps your shoulder, 

“Mind if we chat?” he says, tilting his head to indicate he wants to pull you aside. Dana stands nearby, watching carefully. her and Jack have talked about it numerous times and not even Dana can get through to you or Robby. though, neither of them really understand, and you know that they wouldn’t,

“I trust my residents, all of them. I trust that whatever undergrad program you’ve done has taught you the value of thorough charting and why we do it,” you nod as Robby starts, “So, I would love an explanation on why I see that your charts from earlier this morning are half done. They’re sloppy, disorganized and there are typos that could lead to wrong prescriptions.” he has that same slight condescending smile on his face that Dana recognizes even from afar. 

“I got caught up with helping on a peds case, then that overdose came in and then Langdon asked me to help in triage— I’m sorry —they’ll be fixed before I go.” you tell your attending with your head low. 

“They should be done properly after every single patient. I expect better from you, not excuses.” he says, arms crossed. you stare at the lines of the beige coloured floor, waiting for this to be over so you can get back to work. it goes quiet between the two of you and you miss seeing his eyes softening suddenly after scolding you, 

“Hey,” Robby says softly, grabbing your attention. when you look up, his expression is entirely different. he no longer looks at you as your attending but with a face pleading with desperation. it’s the kind of face only you get to see in private and no one else. 

“Same time tonight?” he says. If Jack was around, he’d argue that Robby sounds like he’s borderline begging,

“Of course.” you reply with the smallest of smiles. he nods, silently dismissing you from the room. Jack sighs as he watches you leave the room, quickly walking back to your station to continue your charts. Dana stands beside him, putting her hand on his back

“I tried talking to her again today. Still isn’t budging.” Jack says in disappointment

“Some people just don’t wanna be helped. You know that better than anyone.” Dana says sympathetically. Jack however strongly disagrees with her and is newly motivated by his need to prove Dana and Robby wrong about you. he might finally follow through with his idea of changing your shifts and begging for forgiveness later, for one week at least. 

your arrangement with Robby happened fast and out of nowhere. it started the way all messy, casual relationships do; at a bar, drunk, and with a little bit of playful flirting. 

you stared at the other residents scattered across the bar. some were in line for more drinks, some playing pool and others even dancing on a nonexistent dancefloor. you always like people watching and it was sweet to see them let loose after work. you sat quietly, and close beside Robby, knees brushing against one another every so often.

“So, have you applied to any fellowships for next year?” he starts as he takes a casual sip of his beer,

“I’m thinking of neurology right now and I know what you’re gonna say, it’s competitive, it’s for the best of the best and—” Robby cuts you off,

“I think it’s great, it’s perfect for you,” Robby looks at you smiling. No caveat, no sneaky comments, he stops with that. “You’re incredibly good at what you do in the ER, I think neuro would be very lucky to have you.” you smile at the praise from your attending, feeling yourself getting shyer by the second. 

“Thank you,” you say, trying to ignore the lustful way Robby looks at your lips, then back up to your eyes. maybe it’s the liquor but the words continue spilling out of you, “You’ve taught me a lot over the years and I don’t think ‘thank you’ will ever be enough. I never take anything you teach me for granted.”

Robby thinks of closing the distance between the two of you, kissing you right then and there in front of everyone and dealing with the consequences tomorrow. he’s so damn close to it but before he can make a move, you check the time on your phone, 

“Fuck, it’s late. I should head home.” you shuffle around to grab your bags and chug the last bit of your drink down. you know you might regret it later, but getting your money's worth from the last bit of alcohol outweighs the potential hangover or bad decisions you’ll make,

“Let me drive you.” Robby offers, desperate to keep you longer.

“Oh, no. Please, it’s okay!” you plead.

“I’ll drive you, it’s okay. I’ll sleep better tonight knowing you’re home safely.” Robby is already standing up from the booth with his hand reaching out to help you stand. neither of you say goodbye to the rest of the day shift and quickly slip out the bar doors.

the car ride was a comfortable kind of quiet. the radio played at a low volume, and you’d hum some bits of a song you heard one too many times. he parks his car outside your apartment building, leaving the engine running. Robby still wants to kiss you, but feared that he’d come off too strong or like he’d been expecting something if he turns the car off,

“Thank you, Doctor Robby, I really appreciate it.” you say turning to look at him. he smiles softly, acknowledging your thank you with a nod. he looks at your lips again, then back at your eyes, similar to what he did in the bar before leaning in slowly. you don’t stop him, if anything you lean in to meet him halfway over the center console. he kisses you softly and with hesitation, as if he’s testing to see if what he’s doing is okay. when you don’t pull away, he puts his hand on your cheek, pulling you closer and kissing you deeper and deeper. your lips taste like a mix of vodka and the cherry lipgloss he always sees you wear, tempting him constantly. he’s always wanted to taste it and now he’s dizzy with lust and only continues to kiss you harder and deeper. he can’t hold back any longer and pulls away for a second,

“Can I come upstairs?” he asks with his hand still on your cheek making small circles. you hesitate for a second before nodding. Robby shuts the engine off before the two of you head up to your apartment. 

in hindsight, you should have said no. you should have told him that what you two were doing violated pages worth of HR guidelines and that your medical career wasn’t worth putting on the line for him. but the way Robby praised you earlier that night, the mentorship he’s given you for years, confiding in him felt natural to you but it wasn’t necessarily love. 

you could argue that you wanted him just as bad but in a different way. Robby was infatuated, desperate to feel your love, call you his and only his. on the other hand, you craved his validation, his leadership, his guidance. his desire for you to be wanted and needed by him was so strong, it made for a horrible combination. you, highly ambitious but docile, combined with his overbearing mentorship, your relationship or whatever you wanted to call it, was made to crash and burn. 

he towered over you, looking down at you as you stared up with big eyes, waiting for instructions. he always found that you were especially pretty to him like this; waiting for his instructions, only acting when he commanded. even in the bedroom, he naturally fell into a leadership role for you,

“So pretty.” he purred as he put his hand on your cheek again, leaning down to kiss you again. 

you never addressed your arrangement to each other but sleeping together became a routine most days after work. Robby only ever came over to your place, never his, and part of you is convinced that because of that, you have control over your arrangement; that you have the control to stop it whenever you want.

you laid in bed with your head on his bare chest, unable to rid your mind of the conversation you had with Jack that day. it replayed over and over in your head. maybe it was a ploy to poach you and have you join the night shift, or maybe he was genuinely concerned about the way Robby spoke to you. now that Jack mentioned it, you have noticed Robby has been a bit meaner to you than usual, and unfortunately it only made his rare praises more desirable,

“You were a little mean today.” you blurt out, not thinking your words through. there's a small moment of silence while Robby processes your sudden thought,

“You understand why I have to though, right?” Robby responds calmly. of course you know the answer. it was something he reiterated to you only ever in the privacy of your bedroom.

“I know.” 

“Say it.” there’s a tinge of Robby’s usual condescending tone. 

“You’re pushing me to do my best and you want me to be the best. Better than you.” your voice suddenly goes monotone, as if you’re reading from a memorized script.

“And?” he says with no change in tone. 

“And because it’s not fair to everyone else if you’re easy on me.” you say increasingly quieter.

“That’s right,” Robby says. the lack of an apology leaves you feeling empty and he can tell that’s exactly what you were looking for, 

“You know I started on your letter of recommendation for your fellowship next year,” your eyes look up at him with a sudden new sparkle, something he hasn’t seen in a while. it was close enough to an apology that was never coming, and you were taking what you could get.

𝜗ৎ 

the following week, you noticed a change in your schedule. for the first time during your residency, you were working nights. something about the change made you nervous; would Robby be upset? would it affect your letter of recommendation? you silently reminded yourself the schedule change is out of your control, but you can’t help but feel at fault for it. 

as you walk into PTMC, Jack and Shen stand together at the workstation,

“Here comes our newest Nightcrawler! How does it feel?” Doctor Shen says with a smile and his usual iced coffee in hand. 

“Really weird, I think it’s gonna take me a sec to adjust to the sleep schedule.” you say a bit on edge. even though you know everyone on the night shift, it still feels like you’re in unknown territory,

“I’m surprised you managed to almost avoid being on nights your entire residency,” John says as he passes you an energy drink, 

“As a welcome gift.” you smile as you take it, cracking it open before heading to your locker. 

as you put your things away, Robby approaches from behind, putting his hand on the small of your back to grab your attention. you turn to see him with slightly worried eyes, 

“So you’re working nights, huh?” he starts.

“I didn’t ask anyone to swap me to nights.” your defensiveness catches him off guard. 

“I know. And I know you’re smart, just don’t forget everything I’ve taught you,” he says, shaking his head slightly, 

“I would hate for this to affect your recommendation letter.” Robby feels ashamed to hold the letter above your head, but how else could he remind you where you belonged and who taught you everything you knew? Jack rounds the corner suddenly, seeing Robby speaking with you. there’s a notable shift in your energy from the way you were speaking with Shen minutes ago, 

“Hey,” Jack’s voice grabs both you and Robby’s attention, 

“Why don’t you catch up with Lena? We’re gonna huddle in a few minutes.” you scramble to lock everything away and head back towards the central area of the ER. Robby stays back, expecting Jack to confront him on the sudden shift in your energy,

“Did you ask to have her on nights?” Robby starts before Jack can say anything, 

“Because she was doing perfectly fine on the day shift.”

“She’s in her last year of her residency and hasn’t worked a single night shift. Don’t you think she should have an opportunity to see what it’s like?” Jack avoids his question but Robby already knows the answer. he’s too tired to fight, the day was already gruelling and exhausting enough on him,

“Just don’t go easy on her. She’s talented and she’s got a real shot at this neuro fellowship she wants for next year.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t fuck up your protégé.” Jack says with his sarcastic flair. though he fails to mention that he’s serious on planning to show you what proper leadership looks like to him. 

𝜗ৎ 

Robby leaves PTMC right as he hears the usual HOOAH! from the nightcrawlers. he thinks the way Jack leads them is too laid back and filled with too many opportunities to bend the rules. he silently prays it doesn’t rub off on you. months worth of progress he’s made with you would all go to waste. 

“Eric Lake, twenty nine years old, had a bottle hit over his head at a bar tonight. multiple lacerations on the skull, possible skull fracture. BP, one thirty over seventy, heart rate, one twenty.” the paramedics call out as they pull the gurney towards trauma two. you look up to see Jack waving you over towards the room. 

as you enter trauma two, Jack is already working to get a gown on you,

“You’re going to need to make an incision on his skull. Neuro is on their way but there's a larger piece of glass that’s too deep. If we don’t do it now, it might press into his frontal lobe.” Jack says calmly as he can sense your panic set in.

“Doctor Abbot, I don’t think it’s a good idea.” you say with a shaky voice.

“I’ll walk you through it,” he says decisively. you walk over and he passes you a scalpel,

“Deep breath, go slow and gentle.” you take a deep breath in and follow his instructions exactly. once you make the incision, Jack takes the scalpel from your hand and passes you a set of tweezers next. you carefully remove the piece of glass and it feels like you can finally breathe properly again,

“Atta girl, let’s get him up for a CT scan next.” Jack says as he moves to take his gown and gloves off. you feel your cheeks heat up at his praise, following the same motions as him and removing your disposable gear. 

there’s a noticeable difference in the way Jack walks you through traumas. Robby was much less gentle, he would have reminded you of your neuro fellowship application a dozen times before you got to making an incision. he would’ve probably scolded you for taking your time, whereas Jack was calm, he trusted you and in turn you trusted yourself. 

the rest of the shift goes by as smoothly as possible. by the last hour or so, you’ve managed to finish most of your charts with your shaky, over caffeinated hands,

“You got a second to talk?” Jack says as he passes by you, waiting for you to follow. anxiety begins bubbling in your stomach, it’s a usual routine for Robby to put your mistakes on blast but it never fails to make you uneasy. Jack pulls you aside in one of the empty trauma rooms,

“You did good today, really good. You should be proud of how you handled that head laceration,” Jack starts. you look up at him nervously waiting for whatever caveat he has. he can see the nervousness in your eyes and something about the way you look at him makes him feel a sense of pity, 

“Mind if I give you some advice? Nothing bad, I promise,” you nod at his request, 

“You’ve got all the answers in you. All the right ideas and you need to own them more. Your technique, your approach with patients, it’s all great, but you need to be more confident in yourself.” you nod again at his advice. you’ve got all the answers in you repeats in your head like a new mantra,

“Thank you, Doctor Abbot. I appreciate it.” Jack nods in acknowledgement. 

from afar, Robby watches as Jack and you leave the trauma bay. he turns to Lena who is already carefully examining his every move,

“How’d she do tonight?” Lena already knows who he’s referring to,

“She did perfectly fine without you, Robinavitch.” Robby laughs dryly in response to Lena, shaking his head. perfectly fine without him sounds like an exaggeration. he wants to ask you how your first night went; were you pushing yourself hard enough still? are you learning better things from Jack than what he could’ve taught you? did you miss him? the questions continue popping up as he watches the way you interact with the night shift attending from afar. 

𝜗ৎ 

the end of your first week on nights was merciless– a mass crowd crush at a concert forced some of the day shift to come back in early, including Robby,

“He’s experiencing hyperkalemia, let’s administer nebulized albuterol now please!” you call out. Jack watches close by, nodding in agreement with each order you make. as Jack passes you by he quickly says,

“You’re doing great, keep calling orders just like that.” Robby watches as your eyes squint slightly, indicating a smile coming from under your mask. Jack leaves the crowded trauma room and heads towards the ambulance bay, Robby is quick to follow, grabbing his arm as the automatic sliding doors open, 

“She should’ve seen those hyperkalemia symptoms earlier, she didn’t deserve that win.” Robby says in a low and firm tone. Jack stops to face the other attending fully,

“But she still ended up identifying it, and that man is alive because of that,” Jack defends you quickly. Robby stares back with a deadpan expression, 

“Just because she doesn’t do it the way you would, doesn’t mean she’s not capable, Robby. A win is a win, and I’m still her attending on shift.” Robby is taken aback by Jack’s response, leaving him to walk back to the ambulance bay. 

you watch the two interact from afar as your patient is pushed out of the trauma room. you can’t make out their exact exchange but can only assume it’s about the way you’ve handed trauma after trauma tonight. 

as Robby turns to head back inside the ER, your eyes briefly meet. neither of you have spoken since you started on nights, nor has he tried to come over. Robby’s eyes have a familiar softness to them as you look at each other. part of you is torn between feeling guilty about not seeing him, but the other half is relieved to have your space, even if its temporary. you quickly look away, tearing your gown off and heading out of the trauma room through the rear door. there are silent prayers in your head hoping he isn’t following after you. 

the ER finally slows as the majority of the crowd crush patients either rest or head up to surgery. Jack watches as you type quickly to get through each chart. he can sense your fear of falling behind and having to pick up another patient so he rolls his chair beside you, casually looking at his watch,

“Down to the last hour,” you smile at his comment, still typing relentlessly. it had felt like there was no end in sight to today and you didn’t want to stop until then. Jack puts his hand on your forearm, finally putting a stop to your typing, “I’m really noticing improvement in your confidence especially in your verbal orders. Keep it up.” for the first time all day, you feel your shoulders drop and body begin to relax,

“Thank you, I’m really trying.” you say as your turn your body towards him.

“And I see it.” Jack holds his eye contact with you as he tries to continue emphasizing his praise to you,

“If you want, we could go for breakfast to celebrate your first week on nights?” heat spreads across your face quickly before you start frantically nodding. he flashes a smile, unable to hide his overwhelming excitement. 

the way Jack looks at you and treats you feels different than what you’re used to. you feel like a deer in headlights whenever he compliments you and this time, it felt genuine, authentic, like there isn’t some trick behind his words. the walls you put up to protect yourself from getting hurt are slowly coming down around him and you’re fucking terrified. 

he doesn’t tell you where you’re going, except that he knows you’ll enjoy it. the car ride together is quiet, he doesn’t push for conversations nor do you. it’s comfortable, there’s no pressure to talk about work or anything else, it’s a mutual space to silently decompress. Jack pulls into the parking lot of a small breakfast diner, looking over at you as he pulls the keys from the ignition,

“You okay?” he says with raised eyebrows, waiting on confirmation. you nod and head in together. 

it’s your traditional breakfast diner, a time capsule stuck in the 60s with posters reminiscent of those times. the floors have the usual black and white checker print with contrasting bright red booth chairs and tables. Jack guides you to a seat as a server passes you both menus,

“Did you pick this place ‘cause it reminds you of when you were a teenager?” you tease. it’s the first time he’s heard you make a joke in a while and he doesn’t care it’s at the expense of his age,

“Yeah, and sometimes I like to go to those renaissance fairs to remind me of my childhood.” he replies, smirking. you let out a laugh and he’s willing to do or say anything to hear it again. 

you both place your orders and it’s quiet again. you stare out at the window, still trying to decipher what him and Robby were talking about earlier,

“What’s on your mind?” Jack says, grabbing your attention away from the passing cars on the road. you stare back at him in hesitation,

“Can I ask you something?” Jack lets out a hum, opening the floor to you,

“What were you and Robby talking about earlier? When we were dealing with the crowd crush.” Jack breathes in deeply, shifting in discomfort,

“We just disagree sometimes on how we approach things.”

“Approach… Me?” you ask, still hesitant to continue. 

“Yeah, sort of.” Jack answers. it goes quiet again between the two of you,

“I heard you’re applying for a neuro fellowship next year?” he says, trying to steer the conversation away from Robby. he knows he’s failed when you’re suddenly the one shifting uncomfortably,

“I’m trying, yeah.” 

“Good for you. You’re great at what you do, neuro would be very lucky to have you.” Word for word, Jack repeats the exact same thing Robby said when you first told him about your plans to apply. something about hearing it again from Jack instead makes it sting,

“Is Robby writing your letter of recommendation?”

“He’s trying to apparently. Not sure he’s happy with me being on nights though so I haven’t really heard much about it.” Jack hums at your response, not pushing further. 

“Y’know for a while, I thought about changing to something else. I don’t know, maybe I felt burnt out but I just didn’t feel like I was good enough for it anymore.” there’s another small pause, Jack knows you aren’t finished yet,

“But that kinda changed recently, after being on the night shift. It reminded me why I’m here and that I’m good at what I do.” you say, looking at Jack. he tries to keep a straight face, feeling his chest swell with pride.

“You’re more than welcome to stay on nights.” he replies. you might just take him up on that. 

𝜗ৎ 

Can I come see you tomorrow? Saw you’re off. 

your half awake eyes scan over the text from Robby again. it’s been a few weeks since you’ve started on the night shift and neither of you have really spoken to each other outside of the usual patient hand offs. it was too early (or too late now that you worked nights) to be thinking about Robby and what your relationship meant. 

when you enter PTMC that evening, Robby is quick to follow you to your locker,

“Didn’t know we were ignoring each other now.” he starts with a slight bitterness,

“I haven’t had a chance to respond to anyone, Robby.” you say as you struggle to clip your badge to your scrub. it’s a half truth, you’ve been tired from the sleep schedule change but he didn’t need to know that. 

“I get it, you’re busy, I just didn’t—” he stops mid sentence to gently grab your badge and clip it on you. your arms drop as a click noise confirms that he’s secured it, 

“I didn’t think you swapping to the night shift would mean I wouldn’t see you anymore.” he says a bit quieter. you’re not sure how to respond to him. it’s not that you didn’t want to see him, you just didn’t want to deal with all the criticism and baggage that came with seeing him. Robby can tell you’re at a loss for words,

“How about I come over tomorrow, cook some dinner for you and show you the first draft of the recommendation letter I wrote?” before you can respond, Parker rounds the corner,

“Hey, that patient with dementia from last night is here again. She’s asking for you.” your attention is brought back to reality suddenly, remembering the events of your previous shift,

“Right, Mrs. Williams, I remember her. I’ll be there in a second.” you start to walk back towards the ER but Robby is quick to stop you,

“Let me know, okay?” you nod, trying to hurry back. 

𝜗ৎ 

the rest of the night passes by quickly. it’s a friday night and you learned quickly that weekend night shifts mostly included stitching up frat guys or tending to bar hoppers who drank too much. 

by the time the morning rolls around, you’ve already forgotten about Robby asking to come over. you had been preoccupied with whatever assignment Jack was throwing your way and for some reason that night, he was insistent on putting you on as many as possible. 

“Can we talk?” Jack says, interrupting you mid-chart. you follow Jack to a vacant room and there’s suddenly a familiar anxiety in your stomach that never goes away when you’re singled out by either attendings. 

“Here,” Jack says as he pulls out an envelope and hands it to you, 

“Open it.” he steps back with his arms behind his back, watching you carefully open the PTMC branded envelope up, eyes quickly skimming across the paper inside,

“To whom it may concern,

… A fantastic fit for a neurology fellowship…

… Extremely detailed in her work, highly competent, all while approaching every case with kindness and empathy…

… Knows all the answers within herself…

… I highly recommend her… she would benefit the team greatly…

Signed,

Dr. Jack Abbot

Attending Physician, Pittsburgh Trauma Medical Centre”

“Whatever you choose to do, I just hope you get to stay in Pittsburgh.” Jack says with a quieter voice, filling the silence. you stare in awe at the letter,

“You didn’t have to.” you managed to get out,

“I wanted to. It’s the least I could do.” the ‘least he could do’ had possibly changed the trajectory of your medical career. 

you’re not sure what to do with yourself but your body naturally goes in to wrap your arms around Jack’s neck. he holds you close, putting his chin on your shoulders. the smell of your light perfume mixed with your skin consumes him. you pull away first, your hands still around his neck and his hands suddenly on your waist. 

neither of you have spoken but the longer you look at one another, you swear you can hear each other's thoughts.Jack just hopes he isn’t misreading anything as he slowly leans closer to your face kissing you hesitantly but softly. you don’t move, you don’t pull away, instead letting him pull away first,

“Jack, I don’t wanna mess this up.” you say in an almost whisper. it’s the first time you’ve called him by his first name and he wants to hear it again and again, 

“I know.” 

“And I need you to know I’m not doing all of this because you gave me that letter.”

“I know,” he reiterates again. “We can take it slow.” you look at him before awkwardly leaning up to give him a small kiss. Jack smiles,

“We can start with breakfast again?” 

outside in the ER, Robby walks in starting every shift the same way; staring at the portrait of Doctor Adamson. his need to continue his legacy and be half as good of a mentor is constantly consuming him and the portrait was a reminder of it. Dana walks in a few minutes later, standing next to Robby. 

“He woulda been proud of what you’ve done with the place.” Dana starts.

“Yeah, I don’t know about that.” Robby huffs shaking his head. 

“A bit of advice?” Robby looks over at Dana before reluctantly nodding.

“Some of the best mentors I’ve had are the ones who trust their mentees to make the right decisions. I know he did with you,” Dana says, motioning at the portrait. she leans in a bit closer, “It also helps when there are no feelings attached.” Dana leaves Robby with her thoughts and heads towards the nurses station. 

in the corner of his eye, you and Jack exit a room and Robby immediately notices the bright smile on your face. it looks out of place for someone who just worked a twelve almost thirteen hour shift. he watches you walk together and notices a bright white envelope in your hands that he can only assume is your letter of recommendation. the two attending’s eyes meet and Jack gives Robby a sly smile— a smile that reads you’re too late. Robby sighs as he looks back up at Adamson’s portrait for one more moment. Jack, on the other hand, has you both exactly where he wants; Robby feeling sorry for his mistakes and you on the night shift with him for the reminder of your residency.