*　WHAT　YOU　NEED,　TWIN　?

@kmnamjns

JUNGKOOK: ...you obviously can't see my face right now, but i was being extremely unserious, hyung. they were right there in front of me! out and about... ( . ) ( . ) JUNGKOOK: he's been telling all of us? i'm surprised it hasn't gotten back to you yet. JUNGKOOK: i knew that would catch on! i promise he's got a very proud look on his face right now. and why does hobi hyung as a squirrel make so much sense? JUNGKOOK: fuck, i know. he's the most adorable polly pocket i know.

JOON: you know what privacy matters are? i feel like a proud father right now. because madelyn is allowed to wear what she wants without having you stare directly at her chest, kook. JOON: ...who told you that? was it hoseok? JOON: did i not tell you i'd set you up with the whole willy wonka experience? i'll hire hobi as a working squirrel. oh, yeah. okay. sprite can niagra popo vibes. JOON: he's so damn adorable. look at him.

JIN: you think i'm not going to unleash my boyfriend on you for openly insulting my masculinity? because you'd be right. i already told him, and he's currently working on his offended face. expect him in five. JIN: what do you mean? most of our relationship consists of us teasing the shit out of each other. he makes me feel young. i appreciate that. JIN: i think it was more that you forced us into a situation we weren't comfortable with, and then we just had to wing it. luckily, hobi was steering the whole thing or he was high as a kite. not entirely sure. JIN: when have you ever had a political conversation with her? last time you started talking about the clitmate-- yes, i'm keeping the typo-- she zoned out so hard she practically had drool running down her chin. JIN: all i heard was, "nerd, nerd, nerd. i'm a huge nerd." also, i'm freaking fancy. just because you read a book, you suddenly think you're sir isaac newton.

JOON: hey, don't be mad at me. be mad at army. they put the fantasy in my head. i'm sure his offended face will still be adorable as hell... and i say that with so much platonic love. JOON: yeah, i know, but i think you also teach each other things as well. i'm trying to be sentimental... damn. JOON: only teaching you guys life lessons honestly. he did. i think you did good too though. i know i can count on both of you to run the show. how were the actual pastries though? i'm a little jealous. JOON: hey listen, you don't know what we talk about late nights. we could be having a full on political discussion about climate change, etc. and she didn't zone out! that was her listening. JOON: nerd who has the hottest woman on the planet. that's damn right. a book? several books. get it right, big momma.

JUNGKOOK: ...i always notice your ass and thighs after you leave the gym, but it's more out of curiosity than anything. kind of like when she slapped me because i looked at her boobs? JUNGKOOK: ...i already did that today. JUNGKOOK: !!! if i don't turn into a blueberry by the end of the day, i'm throwing hands and 'f'-ing you up. so until you've properly researched this chocolate museum and can promise me oompa loompas, it's going in the "maybe" pile.

JOON: rumor has it that's why you joined the group. be honest, kook. BE HONEST. yeah, well that was warranted, bud. JOON: noted. same. JOON: you know i'd set the whole thing up for you so you could have your very own willy wonka moment. don't even play with me. i take good care of you. JOON: jimin is going to play an oompa loompa actually.

JIN: i'm grossed out by several things and several people, and you calling yourself "big daddy" is definitely one of them. JIN: true and i think we're finally getting to a place where there's a mutual understanding. but also, can we really afford to lose any more members? JIN: as you should. but now you also know that we can manage just fine without you being there. i actually think you did us a favor by staying away. not that we didn't miss you, because we did but you know what i mean. JIN: did you have fun describing your significant other as literally anyone but maddie? JIN: thank you for understanding the underlying implication.

JOON: and what are you gonna do about it, big momma? i'm fully expecting jimin to come and smother me in my sleep for this. it's fine. it's for the bit. JOON: good. that makes me so happy to hear cause the eldest and youngest should get along. you two teach each other so much. JOON: i'm glad i could give you guys the confidence you needed with your english speaking. maybe i can take more days off then... you think i was being too controlling before? you know i love my control. JOON: excuse me? she is serious and deep and then and also ridiculous and funny? what do you mean? JOON: you're welcome. although, i must say, you think you're so fancy but the most expensive and luxurious carpets are clark sickle-leaf persian carpets.

JOON: oh, so you've noticed how hard i've been hitting leg and ass day at the gym? don't say anything or look in front of maddie... it'll be dangerous. JOON: type in [redacted]hub.com... there are great things there. JOON: what about if we go to like... a chocolate museum? it'll be jeon jungkook and the chocolate factory.

gavi: joon!!! i decided to turn my life into a human version of tinder and just flirt with everyone. do you think that's actually going to work? gavi: i mean, it seems like a solid strategy in theory… although there's a very real chance i'll just end up confusing everyone & accidentally making more friends than anything else. gavi: but who knows? maybe my greatest talent is just making people smile and hoping for the best. 😂

JOON: i was going to say i'd probably advise against it, but then i remembered you were born yesterday. and then i start remembering my early 20s and i'd say you're right on track for greatness. JOON: fuck. you make me feel old. when did you learn to speak? two weeks ago? JOON: i think you might make some enemies, but that's all apart of life, you know? JOON: now i'm curious because it's been a few days, how's your flirting journey going?

JIN: did you just refer to yourself as "big daddy"? i have several concerns, but i'll let it slide because 1) i'm grossed out and 2) i really don't want you going into detail. JIN: kind of? it's definitely better than it was a few months ago. i think not talking about it has actually helped a lot, as fucked up as that sounds. JIN: something tells me i've got it a tad easier than you. how was the therapy session? was it nice getting away from the kiddos for a little while while hobi took over the interview? JIN: kanglish = success. JIN: lady di is doing well. she's almost fully potty trained, so at least our expensive carpets are safe. they're egyptian, you know.

JOON: when are you not grossed out? that's the question. and yes, i'm big daddy. i'm embracing the nickname. JOON: well you know what they say, sometimes silence speaks louder than words. i mean, you used to bring him to school and make his lunches. #mom #mommy #mamacita you don't just lose that relationship like that. JOON: it was nice. it felt great actually being heard for once. of course i'm being dramatic, but... think i'm going to do that on a regular basis now. JOON: did you have fun with your rice boom? JOON: oh, are they? well, excuse me... of course i'll wear my slippers.