Scribbles

He woke up with a killer headache and a dry mouth and a sense that he ought to be very ashamed of the night before. He was barely conscious in bed, trying to work out exactly how he got home… and how he got drunk in the first place. What was the last thing he did remember? He remembered trying to pick out a decent outfit that wouldn’t be too hard to get off when things got hot… it must have been a party. Wow, when he finished recovering from this hangover he may have to consider becoming a detective of some kind. He groaned to himself as he finally brought himself to sit up and he paused part way up as a sense of nausea came and then slowly faded. He reached out for his phone and lit up the screen. Fuck it was past lunchtime and there was one message he could see that caught his attention:

Adrian: Text me when you wake up. That will be one hell of a hangover.

Logan felt his cheeks redden just looking at those words, knowing Adrian must have seen him drunk. Must have seen the mess that was Logan after drinking a whole lot of alcohol. He knew what he was like when he had had a few drinks and he was sure that through the dryness there was the taste of something sweet and he was sure he remembered blurs of kissing someone female. His eyes couldn’t move from that text, knowing he really ought to text Adrian at this minute but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Logan was a coward, he knew that well and he knew he could change things around if he just faced things, because eventually it was going to come back to bite him in the butt.

Logan: fuck.

Logan figured that would be good enough for now. He put his phone aside and moved to the shower, turning the heat right up because he really needed to feel the shame burn away.  He made sure he used a lot of shower gel to clear the smell of alcohol that seemed to erupt from his pores at this point. He felt like he was in there for hours before he eventually left his bedroom, his modesty only kept by a towel as his eyes met Adrian’s.

“Holy crap Adrian! How the fuck did you get in here?” He gasped, grabbing his towel protectively. Adrian smirked slightly with a raised eyebrow,

“You kiss your mother with that mouth? You gave me a key in case of emergencies and when you didn’t answer the door I panicked.” He paused, “Don’t panic. I’ve seen you naked, remember?” He asked, holding out a coffee. Logan flushed, loosening the grip on his towel as he accepted the coffee with a nod of thanks. “I didn’t have any aspirin to bring you though.” He told him. Logan could feel the judgement from his gaze as he went to his wardrobe to pull out some clothes but he didn’t say anything. He had no idea how much Adrian had seen, and he didn’t want to make himself sound any more petty than he needed to, “Is last night because I told you I can’t be in a relationship?” Logan sighed.

“Well, kind of. But it wasn’t to make you guilty. I’ve got to figure out a future without you.” Logan said, then cringed, “Maybe I’m not gay. I could be Bisexual and just haven’t met the right girl yet.” He said with a shrug, “I’m just out… Playing the field and having a good time. What harm can it do?” He asked. Adrian looked at him with a frown and Logan could swear he felt a bead of sweat form by his temple. Why was he so nervous? He didn’t need to be with Adrian to be happy and it wasn’t like Adrian was a total jerk and going to be really outrageous about everything.

“A life without me?” Adrian repeated, a little too quietly… A little too hurt. Logan swallowed thickly but was unable to think of what to say, “Were you so ready to cut me out of your life?” Logan didn’t like this at all but he found himself speechless, unable to comprehend what exactly was going on to change Adrian from the smug guy when he first came in to the quiet guy now.

“No… Adrian.I meant without you romantically.” Logan clarified, slowly, “B-besides… You avoided me for the entire beginning of term.” He added. Adrian sighed defeatedly and drank his coffee,

“Well, I came to see if you were alright and I guess you are so I should get going.” He stood up and turned from Logan, “See you around, I guess?” Logan moved over to him, and turned him round so fast Adrian almost spilled his coffee, “Hey!”

“Look. We can’t keep doing this,” Logan practically glared at him to ensure they kept eye contact as he spoke, “You are my best friend… and I know you had your heart broken, I get that. I know you feel like I don’t trust you… I wondered if I didn’t trust you. But maybe like you, I just didn’t want to talk about what was bothering me.” Adrian frowned, “This isn’t the same thing, Logan. You knew… what happened to me when I came out. That I would understand, that I would be there. What guarantee did I have that you would just accept the fact that I fuck around for money?” Adrian asked, his voice rising as he spoke. Logan looked at him, “I am not you. I am not… strong or brave enough to deal with the fact that I’m…” he takes in a deep breath, “I bullied people like me through High School… I didn’t tell you because I didn’t tell anybody.” He said, “I can barely say it to myself…” he pulled his hands away, “If you want to walk out… fine. But you’ll regret it.” “What makes you think so?” Adrian asked, quietly, “Because. I know you.” Logan said, “You care too much and that is why you hurt so much right now. Because as much as Brandon helps deal with the sex, you can’t escape the emotions.” “What are you… studying psychology?” Adrian whispered. Logan gave a small smile, “No… just you.” He leaned close and kissed Adrian softly. But then, Adrian deepened the kiss, closing the gap further between them.

Logan let out a small moan into Adrian’s mouth, pulling the man closer. He couldn’t stop himself, he had barely admitted anything but he felt like he had a weight off his shoulders and all he wanted was to feel good. And that was how his teeth got in the way. “Ouch!” Adrian’s exclaim was muffled in the kiss before he pulled away, “Wow… that was unexpected…” Logan bit his own lip, “Oh… crap… it’s bleeding.” He said, taking off his towel and pressing it against the small cut on Adrian’s lip. Adrian couldn’t help but laugh, “I didn’t know you were into biting…” he said, swatting the towel away, “I’ve had worse.” He gave a small smile before stealing a glance down – reminding Logan of why he had the towel in the first place and the towel was lowered, “Maybe… we shouldn’t…” he said. Logan sighed, knowing it had been impulsive but at least Adrian had kissed back… if only initially, “We still need to talk about this properly…” Logan admitted and Adrian nodded slowly, “And I need to get some clothes on… how about we go out to a bar and talk? I know it’s public but it gets loud and no one will overhear us.” Adrian seemed to hesitate before he nodded, “Fine.” He stood up, “Now I’m really going.” He smiled gently before he left. Logan released a breath as the door closed behind him, unsure about it all.

Did Adrian seem happier or was that wishful thinking?

How likely was it that the man would turn up at the bar to have a more honest talk?

And was Logan really ready to talk about his sexuality?

It had been a long day and Lexie was tired of words. She hadwritten almost 5,000 words today on a variety of her assignments and probablyread about twice that in various books. Tonight she was going to let her hairdown and just have a good time. All this hard work was going to make her gocrazy if she didn’t let herself relax. There was a party tonight that Milena wantedher to go to. Milena was a maths major, and they had met during a party and justreally hit it off. They had surpassed friendship in their sophomore year, butthey had only really been official since the beginning of the senior year.

Surprisingly for Lexie, the ‘coming out’ hadn’t made such afuss as she had imagined. She found herself surrounded by guys more now as theyasked all kinds of inappropriate questions about her love life. Her motherstill loved her immensely, her friends didn’t care and the planet kept onturning. Their relationship was part of the reason she spent so much time inthe library. They were roommates now, and it was hard to get any work donearound each other because they’d much rather do anything together instead oftheir assignments. But graduation was drawing nearer and Lexie could almosttaste it. So, she picked up her stuff and sent a message to Milena: ‘Pick me agreat outfit for tonight and I’m there x’ before she dropped off some of the booksshe hadn’t taken out.

The party was in an apartment and Lexie could hear the musicfrom the street. She knew then it wasn’t going to be a long affair – before longsomeone would call the police but then again they would just move to someoneelse’s place. She wasn’t keen on pulling an all-nighter, but she was going tohave some fun. Milena was right beside her as they entered the building andsoon they were drinking and dancing close together. “It’s so good to be outagain!” Milena called over the music, a glass in her hand. Lexie chuckled, “I know right?” she moved closer, enjoying the feeling of having her girlfriendclose to her. They had yet to talk about their futures once they graduate,though both had been applying to various teacher training courses they didn’tknow what was going to happen. A part of Lexie wasn’t prepared to have thatconversation yet. And they didn’t that night, they barely talked at all thatnight beyond asking for drinks and mentioning toilet breaks. Sure enough, theparty was interrupted by a police officer but Lexie and Milena were alreadystaggering.

“I barely drank anything…” Milena murmured as they movedtowards their apartment building, “I guess since we haven’t been out in a while…”she stopped to take a breath, “You feeling okay?” Lexie asked, though she could feel her stomach churn alittle now they were out of the party atmosphere. Milena nodded, moving closeto Lexie, “I’m great… because I’m with you…” she slurred slightly with a little giggleand kissed her cheek, “I’ll always be fine.” Lexie smiled, stroking Milena’shand, unable to talk before she heard Milena’s next sentence. It was saidsoftly, but Lexie heard it clear as day.

I love you.

Lexie stopped and looked at her, unable to control herbreathing, “You… do?” she asked, “You’re not just saying it because you’redrunk…?” she asked. Milena blinked and hesitated, “I do… but the alcohol made me brave enough to say it.” Milena moved closer, “AlexisRivera, I love you.” Lexie felt her breath hitch and her eyes sting, “I... I love you too…” she breathed.