Curiosity Calls

“What really gets me going is knowing I’m pleasing you.”

I’ve heard variations of this from a number of Dominants. And it’s a total buzzkill. Look. I get it. Good Dominants are driven to take care of their submissives’ needs. That’s important. And even in the bedroom, I can see how intoxicating it can be to give pleasure. To drive a submissive toward surrender—giving themselves over to pleasure until there’s nothing left but subby goo. That is catnip to Dominants. And yet… If it’s genuinely about pleasing me, then it loses its luster. 

I think it’s because I worry about being with someone who is actually more service top than Dominant. I worry about the partner who would be just fine without D/s but does it purely to fulfill me. Maybe that works for some people. But it’s hard for me to serve if I feel like I’m serving myself. Or rather, serving my partner, who is only doing it to serve me…therefore serving myself. This is why I need my Dominant to be selfish. I need the reassurance of serving in ways that my Dominant wants…and I don’t.

Imagine a Venn diagram with two circles: what I like and what my partner likes. Most relationships live in the overlap, with occasional (perhaps begrudging) ventures into the un-overlaps. This is true even in D/s. Structure and service take on a form that works for both sides of the slash. And this is how it should be. It’s an illusion that Dominants can have anything they want at anytime they want it. That illusion only holds when partners share a fairly strong overlap in what they want and need.

But for me, I need the un-overlaps—not on my side, but on my Dominant’s. I need to do things that bring me no inherent pleasure. I even need to do things I don’t like to do. I need to lick my Dominant’s ass. I need to kiss feet. I need my Dominant to piss on me. It’s not the specific acts that matter, but the fact that I don’t actually want to do them. These things that were once hard limits have become the deepest expressions of my submissive heart. I need to know that my Dominant knows I don’t like these things but requires me to do them anyway. Because it is my place as property to serve however my Dominant chooses.   

The thing about service is that it doesn’t always feel like service when you want to do it. Having orgasms doesn’t feel like service. It is, of course, when I’m instructed to orgasm. But it doesn’t feel palpably different from being a free girl. I don’t want to be a free girl. And every now and then, I need a reminder that I am decidedly not a free girl. I feel most owned when my Dominant takes what they want selfishly without regard for whether I want it.

But before Dominants can be selfish, they must be selfless. They have to take the time to understand what I need and why, then show up consistently to meet those needs. The more a Dominant takes care of me, the more they can take from me. 

Why is bondage fun? What makes silly men and women want to be tied up so much that they would tie themselves up knowing that there are significant risks to this? What is it about being helpless and unable to control anything that makes people so utterly and wantonly excited?

I know because this is something I love. I will list for you all the aspects of bondage that excite me and I will give you some insight into what excites my friend who likes tying people up as well.

I love the sound of the rope as it falls on the floor behind me where I cannot see it because of the blindfold my dominant usually uses when he plans on doing this. That soft thud causes goose bumps and shivers of anticipation. Chains also make the most delicious sounds when they are being uncoiled. That sound also reminds me that I will soon be incapable of stopping him when he has me tied up and vulnerable. That takes responsibility away from me and leaves me in a position where I will mostly be receiving all the attention. Submissives like attention too.

I love the feel of that rope as it softly circles my wrists and my ankles or crosses my chest. I love the way it glides along the skin before it is pulled taut to restrain me. I love the way it gives only a little at a time and how it will sooner or later allow me to wriggle out of it just to give my dominant some extra work and to hear him scold me for being such a naughty little girl. I love the way it leaves marks on my skin that will stay there for at least a while after I had been released.

I love the way that rope disappears underneath my clothes sometimes when we go out and how I know I am restrained without anyone else knowing. I love the way it looks. Bondage can be really pretty and it leads to really beautiful photo opportunities. It is art in my mind and the perfect karada really enhances my submission and my beauty to him. Taking away my ability to move and to see most of the time only enhances the sensitivity of my skin and soft touches can lead to explosive intimacy.

I love feeling safe and warm, as if I am inside a cocoon. Rope bondage makes me feel as if I am connected to him even more. I am his work of art, his lover and his canvas. I also love the length of a scene when rope bondage is involved. It makes the entire scene more sensual up to the removal of the ropes when the rope glides along sensitised skin and falls on the carpet with that soft thud.

What excites him about bondage? He gets a real kick out of tying knots and seeing if I can get out of them. He likes seeing me squirm when I can’t move. He loves seeing me jump when he touches me and I can’t really do anything about it. He likes the fact that he can tie me up and leave me lying like that and then not really do anything after that, and I will still be excited when he touches me.

He likes it that I am restrained when he is planning on flogging me since this makes me a non moving target and it makes it safer since he has more control of where the flogger tails will land and wrapping is less likely if I do not move.

He likes the responses of my body when he is tying me up and he loves the way I look in rope. He likes the control he gets and he likes my complete vulnerability and the way I completely relax when I am tied up. Bondage has many wonderful aspects and we both love it. Note that I never said that he is tying me up so he can harm me. It is a beautiful, sensual experience for both of us and one that we indulge in frequently.

Bea Amor, Yahoo Contributor Network

Tell me why we edge you, my little slut.

“Why?”

Yes, why. Is it because it feels good?

“N-no. No, Sir. Nnngh… of course not.”

Good girl. So why then? Why do you think?

“To keep me desperate and needy, Sir.”

Harder. Closer. Why does that matter?

“Um… because… nghh… because you like it?”

Haha. Yes, that’s true. But why do you think I like it? Why do I want this for you?

“Why?”

Oh you poor thing. You’re really close, huh?

“Mmhm. Yes, Sir.”

I know it’s hard to think when your so close and you get all fuzzy. Do you want me to explain it?

“Yes, please, Sir.”

Okay. When I tell you to give up your orgasm, like I will in just a minute…

“Oh, no, please, Sir…”

Shhh. Like I will in just a minute. When you let it fade away… What difference does it make if you don’t really want it?

“No, Sir, I do want it. Please, please let me have it. I’ve given you so many.”

Yes you have. And I know you want it really bad.

“I do.”

But you won’t have it. It’s right there, so close, but you will never feel it.

“Oh, Sir, please… it’s so hard.”

I know. And that’s it right there. If I just took your orgasm away, but you didn’t care, what would be the point?

“I guess… ngh, oh God… I guess nothing?”

Very good! Stay right on the edge for me. If you didn’t care about not cumming, it would be meaningless to take your orgasms away. It would be meaningless to say that you were giving them all to me. Does that make sense?

“Mmhm. Yes, Sir.”

That’s why we edge you so much, and make it so hard for you. The harder it is, the more it means when you give them to me. You want to make them so nice for me, don’t you?

“Yes, Sir, I do.”

Hold yourself a breath away from it. Feel it right there. So close. You could tip over the edge in a moment, couldn’t you?

“Yes, Sir. Oh, God, oh god, please, Sir… please let me feel it.”

No. Hands off now. Keep those legs open nice and wide and let it fade away. It’s mine now. Just like all the rest.

“Oh, Sir.”

That’s my good girl. That one was really, really nice. I want all of them to be just like that, okay?

“Oh, God. Okay.”