kitty.on.a.warhorse

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Romeo and/or Juliet, my choose-your-own-path version of Romeo and Juliet with over a hundred endings illustrated by the best artists working today, comes out June 7th!  It’s got FOUR playable characters, secret endings, secret books-within-a-book, a comic book section, AND MORE - and we’re spending the month until release playing the book, starting at the first page, seeing what happens, and letting YOU decide what happens next!  You can also pre-order the book right now - and when you do you can enter to win FREE ART and PRIZES! :0

Yesterday we MEGASMOOCHED, and had the choice to continue as Romeo or Juliet.  People wanted to stay with Romeo! OKAY WHATEVER 

KEEP BEING ROMEO

The chimes stop, the band quiets, and the woman you met literally three minutes ago, whom you’re already kissing on and whose name you don’t even know, pulls back a little. 

“You kiss by the book,” she says, and you’re instantly wishing you’d cleaned up before you headed out tonight. The books stacked beside your bed right now include Kiss It Better! What YOU Can Learn from the World’s Greatest Kissers, Reminiscing About Kissing: Sixty-Six Years of Sexy Smooches, Basorexia!, and How to Press the Bacteria-Rich Outer Edge of Your Digestive Tract Against the Bacteria- Rich Outer Edge of Someone Else’s Digestive Tract and Exchange Fluids. 

“Oh hah hah, that’s weird,” you say. Before she can say anything, a woman in a nurse outfit walks up and says, “Hey, your mom wants to talk to you.” 

“Yes, Angelica,” she says, and takes your hand. “Sorry,” she says. “My parents are really controlling. I’ll be back soon. Promise.” 

She leaves, and you turn to the nurse lady. You’re still a little stunned from meeting that woman and how SUPER RAD your kisses were though, so when you try to say, “Who was that woman?” it accidentally comes out as “What … is her mother?” which is barely even grammatical. 

She smiles. “Her mother’s the lady of the house,” she says. “Lady Capulet. And I’ll tell you what, whoever puts a ring on that is gonna be loaded.” 

You take a step sideways in shock, which is what humans do in real life when they encounter information they were not expecting. The woman leaves you, unconcerned. 

“I, Romeo Montague, cannot believe that she’s a Capulet,” you say to yourself, unbelieving. “She’s my worst enemy! How could this have happened? How is it possible that I would meet a Capulet, at a party hosted by the Capulets, here at Capulet Castle, situated as always at One Capulet Lane??” 

Benvolio and Mercutio emerge from the crowd. “Let’s bounce, bro,” Benvolio says. “Always leave a party early. That way, you don’t have to help with cleanup.” 

“OBVIOUSLY,” you say. “But we just got here! Also, I think I’m in trouble.”  Benvolio is already pulling you to the exit. You’re almost out of the castle when the nurse lady catches up to you and asks you what your name is. 

“Romeo Montague,” you say. She gasps and brings a hand to her mouth. “It’s okay,” you say, trying to calm her down. “Yes, we crashed the party. But we’re leaving now, okay? We don’t want any trouble.” 

“Daaaaang,” she says, taking a few steps backwards. She still seems shocked, but whatever. 

You and your friends leave the party. Benvolio and Mercutio are talking to each other, laughing, gossiping, making fun of the people there. You don’t hear a word of it. All you can think about is that woman, this mysterious Hottiebabe Capulet. You don’t even know her name! For all you know, it could actually be “Hottiebabe Capulet.” On the other hand, it could be something less attractive, like “Stinkums Dentalplaque Capulet.” 

“I have to go back,” you say out loud. Your friends look at you in surprise. 

“What?” they say. “Romeo, wait!” 

You realize you’re already running back towards Capulet Castle. “How can I leave while my heart’s rooted here?” you shout over your shoulder. 

You hear your friend shouting after you (something about having sex with ghosts, and also fruit? Probably you misheard that, right?) but you don’t stop, and before long you’ve hopped the castle fence and made your way to the castle proper. It’s quiet: looks like the party’s ended. You’re crawling around in the bushes trying to figure out which room is hers. There are several balconies attached to the house. Could be any one of them, actually!

OPTION STONE: Examine the nearby stone balcony

OPTION WOOD: Examine the nearby wooden balcony

OPTION SURPRISE ME: Examine some other balcony instead

Romeo and/or Juliet, my choose-your-own-path version of Romeo and Juliet with over a hundred endings illustrated by the best artists working today, comes out June 7th!  It’s got FOUR playable characters, secret endings, secret books-within-a-book, a comic book section, AND MORE - and we’re spending the month until release playing the book, starting at the first page, seeing what happens, and letting YOU decide what happens next!  You can also pre-order the book right now - and when you do you can enter to win FREE ART and PRIZES! :0

Yesterday we (very quickly!) gave Juliet one of her happy endings, by beating up everyone at our parent’s party and starting a new life.  NOT BAD.  Our choice was to be Romeo now, or to go back a few turns and enter the party as Juliet WITHOUT attacking everyone right away.  The winner was to join the party, but for people who want to be Romeo, NO WORRIES: turns out that option is showing up here too!  LET’S SEE:

ENTER THE PARTY BUT DON’T BEAT EVERYONE UP THIS TIME

You enter the party and everyone is wearing masks. This is so stupid. Also, you don’t have a mask, so you have to borrow one from the freebie pile. It’s a horse mask with a real horsehair mane. You put it on.

You are now dressed as a horse. Your mask’s wide-eyed stare greets the partygoers with a perpetually startled expression. You can see through holes in the nostrils. Everyone is looking at you, unsettled. You’re not sure what Tom Paris looks like, but hopefully he’s totally turned off right now.

You make your way to the dance floor and soon you’re dancing, lost in the deafening throb of the aria that fills the air. You start throwing down with some random dudes, and it’s actually pretty nice. You’re dancing your way through your frustration with your mom and life in general when it happens. You glance out from the dance floor, and magically the crowd seems to part to allow your gaze through. There, at the other end of the ballroom, is the most beautiful man you’ve ever seen.

You have no idea who he is. He’s wearing a unicorn mask, which isn’t helping.

You see him glance your way and before you know what you’ve done you’ve looked away, blushing. You keep dancing, but you can’t focus on anything except this guy. You steal another glance at him, and you almost want to roll your eyes. It’s ridiculous how attractive that guy is. It’s honestly ridiculous.

And I’ll tell you what: I’ll make this easy for you. You already know that YOU want to chat this guy up, so… what if you played as him, and then made him want to chat you up too?

Dude. You could seduce YOURSELF.

That honestly seems like a real time-saver to me!

OPTION ROMEO: Be the hot dude, chat myself up

OPTION AND/OR JULIET: No, keep being myself, talk to him. I got this

*****

Romeo and/or Juliet, my choose-your-own-path version of Romeo and Juliet with over a hundred endings illustrated by the best artists working today, comes out June 7th!  It’s got FOUR playable characters, secret endings, secret books-within-a-book, a comic book section, AND MORE - and we’re spending the month until release playing the book, starting at the first page, seeing what happens, and letting YOU decide what happens next!  You can also pre-order the book right now - and when you do you can enter to win FREE ART and PRIZES! :0

Yesterday as Juliet we had crashed our parent’s party (turns out its a costume party) and had to decide between kicking butt and vomiting all over ourselves.  The consensus was to go nuts and kick some butts!  So let’s do that!

KICK EVERYONE OUT

You push open the double doors to the party room. The instant you do, the music comes to a screeching stop mid-note, and everyone turns to look at you. This is your moment! 

“Great party you’ve got here,” you say. “It’d be a shame if anyone happened to get beat up during it.” 

“Who are you to make threats?” someone nearby says, a young man wearing a ridiculous unicorn mask with a rainbow mane. You glance at him. You’re too mad right now to be fully aware of how rockin’ his bod is, if indeed his bod be rockin’, but even through your anger you can tell he’s at least pretty good. A solid seven out of ten. 

You punch him right in the eye. 

“I want everyone to know,” the man says, “that this woman outpunches other women like a boxer in the middle of a ring of babies.” Then he goes down hard.

You feel a little bad about it, but then you realize he’s probably just like those guys in the Romeo District. If you hadn’t punched him just now he’d probably have tried some dumb line on you, like “Girl, are you an orphanage, because I want to give you kids,” or “Girl, are you a corn plant, because I’m stalking you,” or “Girl, are you hearing my soul speak, because the very instant that I saw you did my heart fly to your service.” 

You look around the room. “You guys want to leave, or should I keep punching?” you shout. You swing your arms like windmills and advance on the party. 

“She’s drunk!” someone shouts. 

“She’s awesome,” the man you punched whispers. 

You kick him as you walk by. 

The party clears out pretty quickly, the partygoers moving around you to the door like water around a rock. Pretty soon just your parents remain. 

“You too,” you say. 

“No, Juliet, sweetie, go to bed,” your mother says. I command it.” 

“Oooh Juliet, go to bed,” you say in high-pitched mockery, advancing towards them, your arms still spinning. “Oooh Juliet, don’t leave the house ever. Oooh Juliet, be best friends with your childhood nurse because you don’t know anyone else! Oooh Juliet, definitely marry this random stranger on a moment’s notice!” 

Your parents take a step backwards for every step you take forward. 

“Well I’m not doing it, okay?” you say. “I’m done. Done with this house, done with your rules, done with you both and your stupid marriage ideas. I’m done, okay? DONE.” Your parents are still moving backwards as you move forward, now adjusting their paths so that they can back out the door. You push them outside. 

“And on second thought I’m not done with the house,” you say. “I’m gonna keep it.” You close the door in their faces. “You guys can live in the gardening shed,” you shout through the door. “It’s like a three-bedroom gardening shed with a finished basement! YOU’LL BE FINE.” 

You hear the noise of their shuffling off, and you quickly make a lap of the house, locking all the other doors and ground-level windows. Then you go to bed. 

You wake up the next morning feeling great. 

You get out of bed, have a quick bath, and get dressed. When you leave your bedroom you notice a lot of the servants are there, wondering why all the doors are locked shut. 

“Oh, right,” you say, remembering last night. “Right, sorry. I’m the boss now, everybody. You can all come and go as you please. But nobody gets in without my permission, and that includes my parents. They live in the gardening shed now,” you say.

You eventually do let your parents in for visits, and things are cordial. They’re happy with their simpler retirement living in the shed, you’re happy that they don’t tell you what to do anymore, and your servants are happy to work for someone who doesn’t regularly throw parties that a large percentage of the entire town is invited to. It’s surprising how happy everyone is with this new arrangement! 

Several years later you run into that dude you punched at the party. Turns out his name literally is Romeo (hilarious), but despite that he’s one of the more charming people you’ve met. You date for several months and both your parents are against it but who cares? Everything’s going great until someone new catches his eye and he dumps you overnight. 

Glad you didn’t rush into that one, huh?? 

After him you have a series of really satisfying flings with some really satisfying people, and then one day, you meet Cesario. He’s not like any of the men you’ve met before, and while he’s definitely not the kind of person you ever thought you’d find yourself falling for, life is for exploring, right? 

And that’s what the two of you do, together, happily ever after. 

THE END 

So! You avoided rushing into marriage, you knew to drink water while drinking alcohol to avoid dehydration, and you ended up in one of the few happily-ever-after endings in this whole book! I award you… 32,767 points. 

Any more and you’d overflow our point counter!

***

And that’s the end of this adventure!  Haha wow you guys got a happy ending for Juliet in almost record time.  Nicely done!  The art here is by Carly Monardo aka @tickledfancy and she is great.

So!  Now we can follow the:

PARTY OPTION: …go back in time a bit and JOIN THE PARTY your mom organized instead of attacking everyone right off the bat

BOY OPTION: …be Romeo for a bit, he’s probably up to some shenanigans

Romeo and/or Juliet, my choose-your-own-path version of Romeo and Juliet with over a hundred endings illustrated by the best artists working today, comes out June 7th!  It’s got FOUR playable characters, secret endings, secret books-within-a-book, a comic book section, AND MORE - and we’re spending the month until release playing the book, starting at the first page, seeing what happens, and letting YOU decide what happens next!  You can also pre-order the book right now and you’ll be guaranteed to get the best price! 

Yesterday our choice as Juliet was, again, either to run away from home or meet a mystery man that our mom wanted to hook us up with.  This time “abscond away” was the victor, so Juliet is gonna PEEL OUT:

ABSCOND

You push your way past your mom and your nurse and run out of the castle. No WAY are you staying in that crazy house. You’re sorry your mom got married too young and that damaged her, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to stand around and let her do the same thing to you. Sorry, Mom. Sorry, Angelica. But right now you’re running away from home, LITERALLY.

You’ve made it a few minutes from your house when you realize all you’ve got on you is the dress you’re wearing, so you do something you’re not accustomed to doing: you make a decision. And that decision is to run back to the house, jog in through the back entrance, and pack a bag with clothes, money, jewelry to pawn, a map of Verona, some free weights, and some snacks. Then you run away from home again.

Once you’re clear of your parents’ estate, you stop to rest for a bit. You pull out your map and examine it. There’s one place in particular you always wanted to see but your parents never gave you permission to visit: the Romeo District. It’s got that name because all the guys there hit on the ladies!

Let’s go see if it lives up to its reputation!!

OPTION BOY PARTY: go to the Romeo District

OPTION SENSIBLE PARTY: you know what, return home, maybe things have changed in the several minutes I’ve been away

*****

Romeo and/or Juliet, my choose-your-own-path version of Romeo and Juliet with over a hundred endings illustrated by the best artists working today, comes out June 7th!  It’s got FOUR playable characters, secret endings, secret books-within-a-book, a comic book section, AND MORE - and we’re spending the month until release playing the book, starting at the first page, seeing what happens, and letting YOU decide what happens next!  You can also pre-order the book right now - which honestly I would sincerely recommend??

Yesterday our choice as Juliet was either to run away from home or meet a mystery man that our mom wanted to hook us up with.  I had expected “run away from home” to win, but it seems by a very slim margin, y’all were into hearing more about this guy!  So let’s find out more about him, huh?

*****

SAY “YES MOM” AND LEARN MORE ABOUT THIS MYSTERY MAN

“Yes Mom,” you say automatically. 

Your mother smiles and keeps talking. She says that here in Verona all the ladies get married at your age. (What? That’s not true and has never been true—just because she got married at that age doesn’t mean YOU have to be a teen mom too.) She says the guy she wants you to marry, Tom Paris, is big into you based on what scant information he’s been told— mainly that you’re female AND fertile. Angelica volunteers that he’s the greatest man in the whole world and that his body is as perfect as a wax sculpture. 

You can’t think of a single wax sculpture you’d ever want to spend the rest of your life with. 

Your mom asks you if you can love this Paris guy you’ve never met or even heard of before just now, and it would be really convenient for her if you could because, as she said, this whole thing is a setup to get you married off really quickly! 

What do you want to do, Juliet? 

OPTION ABSCOND: Again: run past them, tear out of the house, never look back

OPTION OBSEQUIOUS: Say “Yes Mom” automatically

***

Reblog to abscond, fav to say “yes mom”, and we’ll continue the story tomorrow!  Honestly, this was all written before we started this playthrough, so this is the BOOK giving you a chance to change your mind, not me!  HONEST. As always you can find out more about the book here!

Romeo and/or Juliet, my choose-your-own-path version of Romeo and Juliet with over a hundred endings illustrated by the best artists working today (SERIOUSLY THEY’RE THE BEST), comes out June 7th!  It’s got multiple playable characters, secret endings, secret books-within-a-book, a comic book section, AND MORE - and we’re counting down the month until release starting at the first page, seeing what happens, and letting YOU decide what happens next!  You can also pre-order the book right now - which to me sounds like a real good idea??

Yesterday the choice Juliet had was to let her mom keep talking, or to interrupt and learn a little more about how big rooster sex parts are.  The winner by a slim margin was to learn rooster science, so that’s what we’ll do!  THANKS, INTERNET.  Again there’s only one choice in the first node, so we’ll keep going and get TWO nodes today!

***

LEARN MORE ABOUT ROOSTER PARTS, HOW BIG ARE WE TALKING ABOUT HERE?

Gosh, I don’t know … about the size of a small egg?

Okay. Cool. Gross.

MOVING ON

Your mom says she wants you to get married and have kids right away. You know, like she did when she was twelve! She says you’re overdue, Juliet!

MOMS, am I right??

Anyway, she’s organized this party tonight so that you can meet your future husband, to whom you are, as of a few hours ago, already promised. She’s set it all up, wheels are already in motion, so you’ll definitely be marrying the dude you meet tonight. Also, she says, it’s a masked ball, so everyone will be hiding their faces!

You note to yourself that this is a terrible themed party to have if you actually want to judge how attractive people are, so this dude she wants you to marry must be have some problems.

“Juliet,” your mom says, “don’t you think this surprise mandatory arranged marriage is the most wonderful news??”

Alright, this is getting serious. If you keep doing everything your mother asks of you, you’re going to end up married to a stranger, and not just any stranger, but one who thinks the best way to meet women is to get their moms to promise women to him sight unseen. You wanna get out of here, see the world, maybe start making some decisions for yourself?

Or do you want to say “Yes Mom” automatically?

OPTION ADVENTURE: Run past them, tear out of the house, never look back

OPTION MAYBE MARRIAGE IS ITS OWN ADVENTURE: Say “Yes Mom” automatically.

***

Reblog to run away for new adventures, fav to stay put and agree with your Mom and see what she’s got up her sleeve, and we’ll go with the winning option tomorrow!  And don’t forget to order your copy of the book!  <3

Romeo and/or Juliet, my choose-your-own-path version of Romeo and Juliet with over a hundred endings illustrated by the best artists working today (SERIOUSLY THEY’RE THE BEST), comes out June 7th!  It’s got multiple playable characters, secret endings, secret books-within-a-book, a comic book section, AND MORE - and we’re counting down the month until release starting at the first page, seeing what happens, and letting YOU decide what happens next!

Yesterday the choice by a slim margin (less than 20 votes out of almost 1000 cast!) was OPTION 2: Proceed without spoilers. So let’s proceed without spoilers, shall we? 

BEGIN PLAY:

You have just been born! Congratulations, good work on that thing! Now SURPRISE, babies are boring, so we’re going to jump ahead in time to a point where you’re a COOL TEEN and you’ve already lived a reasonable chunk of your life. I can promise you that most of what we’re going to see now will be FLABBERGASTINGLY INTERESTING. Teens do all sorts of interesting things! They make friends, they shed tears, they totally make out, AND OTHER THINGS TOO, PROBABLY. I think we all can agree that high school rules and is definitely the most important part of your life. So let’s join this awesome stuff already in progress!

Where you are is Verona, in Italy. When you are is Sunday, July 21, 1585, 8:18 a.m. Who you are . . . well, that’s entirely up to you.

Are you:

ROMEO? He’s a 15-year-old teen who loves love, loves being in love, and loves being in love with love! Big into love, this guy. He’s deeply, sincerely in love with Rosaline, who is smart and pretty and SO PERFECT OMG. It’s weird we haven’t mentioned her in the title though? Anyway, Romeo’s interests include thinking about women and also not being called up to the front of the class while thinking about women. Last year he moved out of his parents’ house and into a tinier house that his parents also own.

Romeo’s got a +1 perk to composition and elocution (that’s, like, talking), but a −1 weakness against moderation and foresight. If you think you’ll need to recite poetry in this adventure, he’s a good choice. He’s allied with TEAM MONTAGUE.

JULIET? She’s a 16-year-old teen who is a dainty flower, as fragile as a spider’s web in the morning dew. Naw, I’m just having a little fun, like when you call a short guy “Tallo” or “Doctor Heightsworth.” Juliet’s actually SUPER RIPPED, and her top six interests are: muscles, boys, getting muscles, getting boys, kissing boys, and kissing her own muscles. Look, you can play as a boy who wants to meet a girl or as a girl who wants to meet a boy! Each has what the other wants, and you can control either of them. Hey, this book is gonna be EASY.

The downside to Juliet is, her parents micromanage her life and tell her what to do all the time, which leaves very little time for chatting up boys. She never gets to decide anything for herself, she barely leaves the house, and her nurse is her only real friend. It’s a little sad when you think about it. She tries not to.

Juliet has a +2 perk to muscles (OBVIOUSLY) but a −2 weakness against the mad hotties. She’s an excellent choice if you want to solve your problems with muscles, and why wouldn’t you? She’s on TEAM CAPULET.

OPTION ROMEO: Play as Romeo

OPTION JULIET: Play as Juliet

******

I never saw a standing Mario Bros cab outside of the 7-11 on Indian Hill though