Thwomp Queen

Would you like to file a report

you're telling me the devil         these eggs

i’m so used to how my cats behave that i forgot rudy doesn’t have low light vision like them, so i’ll come out of my room after dark and turn on my phones light and there will just be a pig in the middle of the room who, from his perspective, thinks i just fucking teleported in front of him and this happens and he’s always VERY startled

old testament god literally would blow up humanity for anything. you made eye contact with that golden calf nd boom your whole family dead

“if you take medication for that, you’ll be taking medication all your life!!” yeah, and?? bud, i already put on my glasses every morning. it’s like. a condition of mine, not a side hobby i’m pursuing irresponsibly. 

apparently computers do dream of electric sheep

I’m glad that my hard drive dying got 79k funnyman points

when i was in therapy i once expressed to my therapist that i really struggle with having pretty much zero idea of who i am as a person + she whipped out a piece of paper and suggested that we write down different aspects of myself. and i had no idea what to say bc ‘myself’ is a concept i’m not very familiar with so she started saying about my interests and how that’s part of me + i was like okay!! that makes sense!! so she clicked her pen and was like “you said you like video games before” and i was like sure bud :) and watched her write down, in capital letters ‘GAMER’ and i’ve never had so much terror struck into my h

So the magpie is daring him to hit an entire blunt in 12 seconds. I getcha now.