Derailed

being married to an elf would suck bc they’d just be like “i wrote a short ballad on the subject of our love. would you like to hear it?” *proceeds to sing for the next 12 hours without pause because that’s what’s considered brief by elf standards* and being married to a dwarf would suck bc they’d be like *spends 36 hours carving a pattern into a single face of a hammer they’re working on because you “can’t rush art” and forgets that you even exist until you’re forced to come down and persuade them to return to the surface to take a nap before they collapse of exhaustion* so you really can’t win

I want this on my tombstone

When your high leveled character goes unconscious. 

@chersidamas

Yall better not be pretending that Janelle Monae doesn’t fucking exist

Mario Cart stats

Showed my Geologist dad a picture of the obsidian knife you had and he nearly said this exact thing word for word. I can't believe my own father would fall prey to this. Clearly you know thine enemy

I work too closely with geologists not to have a contingency plan for eliminating them.

only time ive ever felt loved was when i was eating a red berry parfait and walking to the library but a girl ran smack into me getting us both covered in berries then she grabbed my hand and said "ill never be sorry enough, but you look so beautiful" and she ran away and i just have to live w this empty hole where my heart lay

in that moment i really was ready to do any thing if she had held onto my hand and ran in to traffic i wouldve followed like a lost puppy smeared in red sugar entranced as persephone was to the pomegranate i wouldve died right there with out a second thought and i couldnt even fault her for beguiling me so, in that moment, love was so easy ; it was blameless

Masturbate 👏🏻 that 👏🏻 stress 👏🏻 away 👏🏻

By Carly Rae Jepsen

i often forget that the body is not a receptacle. not a vessel in which i reside. it’s ME. like that’s me right there! it isn’t disconnected from my mind or spirit or selfhood because it’s just me. i can no sooner escape it or change it in any drastic way than i can stop being myself. & if i am to be any sort of happy in this life, i need to treat it kindly. cruelty towards one’s body is just cruelty towards one’s self. they are one and the same

Not-so-friendly reminder that there is no such thing as an underage woman or non-consensual sex, the words you’re looking for are “child” and “rape”. Way less syllables and way more accurate! Thank you for your time.

Dystopian novels be like “there’s no music but our national anthem and this forbidden rebel song” as if all of earth really let go of ABBA music

Consider: the forbidden rebel songs are all from ABBA.

#mama mia *cocks shotgun as i prepare to overthrow the oppressive regime* here i go again

this is all i’ve ever wanted