Subtle Laughter

I forgot about my account due to my crazy beautiful life. Looking aback on this page makes me smile.

Dean and I finally have planned our first date night since moving to Bolzano. Fingers crossed this maternity thing doesn't slow me down.

I have been doing very well lately. My new therapy sessions have been helping. I had a phot shoot with Dean and my bump. We vacationed to Australia and had our shoot on the beaches. Shopped a lot for baby George and received much needed pampering. Dean has 6 new hires for his firm! We are so thrilled that his former employer gave him a jump start for his own business. I am thinking of starting a craft organization. I have been networking with some local mother's here and have been getting great advice and support. We may have craft nights at each other's homes and swap mom stories. This is the support system I have been searching for. I know Dean will be around more but he still will have long hours and a few business trips. I can hardly believe I am closing out my 6th month of pregnancy. I Skyped my parents and showed them my bump on camera. My mom was in tears. So excited to meet this boy but also so scared about labor. I have been talking to mom's and they have horror stories. One lady I talk to is having her 2nd baby and is 3 months along. I found myself telling her my experiences at 3 months! This is a truly blessed future I have.

We got everything with our insurance set up before Dean left. I went to a therapist today. Really feeling down. I feel so alone. Even though I have been carrying this child I feel so alone. I am truly happy here in Italy and am excited to wrap up wedding planning. But there is something missing in my life. I have dreamed about this wedding that is coming up. I have dreamed of having a love and soon to be child. But so much is missing. I tried to shop for the baby today but it was too difficult. I ordered a lot of blue things and boy play things. It made me happy but it was hard. My therapist says it is mostly my want for this child to be born. Plus I have been so depressed because of my weight. He said to try and be less modest of my baby tummy. He said to embrace it. So I think I may schedule one of those professional photo shoots with Dean and my bump. I may even buy more revealing less baggy maternity clothes. Something has to change.