Rextopher

Find a copy of the customer agreement online. Read it. Have the “big cats in boxes” YouTube video on standby so that you can renew your will to live periodically while reading it.

Focus on the sections about cancellation

Examine any terms regarding early termination fees, notice required, proration of the time between cancellation and the end of the billing period, and equipment return policies.

Send a letter requesting cancellation to your carrier via certified mail. Include the date you wish for it to be cancelled. If you are not the account holder but have power of attorney, or the account holder has died and you are managing their estate, send copies of the relevant documentation with the letter. 

The day after, when it isn’t cancelled, call back. Ask for “retention” or “loyalty” and when asked why, state that you wish to cancel. 

They’ll ask you why you want to cancel. Say “I don’t want to discuss it, I just want to cancel my service.” (note: there are times when it pays to disclose your reasons; my company will waive all early termination fees and penalties if the account holder is being entering military deployment or a nursing home. Check their policies.)

They’ll offer something nice. Bundles, discounts, free channels, etc. Say “as nice as that sounds, and as much as I appreciate the offer, I just need to cancel my service.”

When they deflect again, ask how to return any leased equipment. They’ll launch into another spiel about that, thankful that you aren’t making them process the cancellation. Write down the process – they’ll either tell you to bring the equipment to a local office, or they’ll state that they are sending recovery kits. If it’s the latter, ask for the address that the recovery kits return to and write it down (you want to use the recovery kit if you get one, since it’s prepaid, but if they aren’t sent you’ll want to be able to return the equipment yourself.) 

After all of this has transpired, state “As I stated in the letter sent via certified mail on [date], I am ending our contractual relationship and terminating this subscription. Has my cancellation order been processed?”

If the cancellation order has not been processed, tell them to process it. Listen to their spiel. Ask for the date that it will be terminated.

Hang up, wait thirty minutes. Call back, ask if your account is pending cancellation or not. If not, ask to be transferred to retention and ask for a supervisor. Demand that your cancellation be processed and advise them that a complaint will be filed with the FCC if it is not. 

- when you’re jay walking, cars will actively accelerate bc the drivers want to kill you for breaking the rules

- servers in restaurants act very scared and apologetic, so maybe people aren’t nice to them here??? or I could be terrifying

- it’s really cute when little kids have British accents, but I’m unmoved by adults with accents

- extremely good gluten free options. this country is like 20 years ahead of Canada in that regard

- people will give random insignificant buildings names with little plaques. and then that’s the name that shows up on the map. like even a smaller than average family home, you can name it like it’s a dog

- lots of brick and stone buildings. looks cute and charming until you enter one and there’s no air conditioning

"Only have one road"???

But no, you are absolutely not imagining things- USAmerican media is SUCH a huge export that it saturates global media and makes it difficult to AVOID learning about your political system and your country.

Shows like Law and Order or NCIS, for example, or X-Files to an extent- we've all seen these shows so we've all heard "first amendment rights" or "the declaration of independence" or "Miranda rights". We all know to "call 911" or "contact the FBI" or that we have "the right to remain silent".

But in Canada, for example, we don't have a "declaration" with "amendments". We have The Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, and if you get arrested here, you are told that "You are being charged with X crime, you have the right to retain and instruct counsel in private without delay, if you cannot afford a lawyer you have the right to contact legal aid for assistance free if charge, you cannot be compelled to speak in answer to the charge but be advised that anything you do say may be used against you in court, confirm if you understand, confirm if you wish to excersise your right to legal aid, do you wish to say anything in answer to the charge".

But in the UK you have to call 999, not 911. In Canada, you have the right to freedom of association, freedom of movement, and freedom of speech, but no "right to bear arms". And in Australia, a cybersex criminals account can be hijacked by law enforcement to track down other predators, and this isn't permitted in Canada OR the USA.

These are just examples, but it spreads further- EVERYONE in Canada knows about Trump and has opinions on your political system, but plenty of teens have no idea who our Prime Minister is.

Hell, *I* watch American news for coverage of global events, but through there I've also picked up on American immigration policy and climate crises.

It's such a huge thing that non-English speaking countries learn English to enjoy English media and read English books and perform international business- and in Canada, we actually have it written in law that a certain percentage of TV and Radio HAS to be Canadian, so that our citizens don't get fully absorbed by American culture and talking points and lose identity and focus on our own country's issues.

It's a big deal, and most USAmericans don't seem to notice.... which is why it seems to sort of get taken for granted that any english-speaking part of the internet is USAmerican.

Even though, you know.

I don't mean you can't get good at things through repeated practice. You can do that, I have done that, but I don't trust it.

I was driving this morning and thinking about how I have never developed the blasé contempt for it most people seem to despite never having caused an accident in 20 years because my sense of time is such that I might as well have been driving for a week. I'm a good, safe driver, but I do not have a heap of confidence in my driving despite having regularly done it for two decades because my sense of time is such that those two decades may as well not have happened.

I finished editing a novel today. When I publish it, it will be the 64th novel I have published in the last 10 years, not counting ghostwritten work. You'd think after a decade and 63 novels I'd be confident that I was capable of writing, editing, and publishing a novel—even be confident about the timeline for this—but no. No, I feel like I'm doing it for the first time, every time, and I was surprised to have finished the editing at all, let alone on time. Because those other 63 novels were published in a past I have a vague at best concept of. I have a record that says it happened but I do not feel it.

I cannot trust my future behaviour because for me there is functionally no past. I know it occurred, I have records, but I don't feel it the way people without this kind of memory issue do. I feel inexperienced at everything I've ever done and I cannot accurately estimate my skill level at anything, particularly not on the fly.

part 3