Kitnightowl

No way i‘m the only one that read this as ‚bath salts‘ being the reason why the coffee isn‘t here.

Cards Against Humanity ass advertisement

never ask a woman her age a man his salary your mutual how late it is in her timezone when she starts posting about that bisexual man

Dead wife montage but it's all slow motion shots of your dead wife throwing grenades and doing backflips and oneshotting the enemy with their long range weapons

"🥪" is shorthand for "🍞🧀🍅🥬🍞"

can you people stop reblogging this my notes look like lunchtime

He is absolutely copying you, and cuddling, and doing the slow close of eyes that is a cat kiss! #this is one very happy cat #i hope the two of you have many years of harmony and happiness

Perfect harmony

THE BIG MAMDANI

good god when the mr clean magic eraser hits the stove......

the panties hit the floor

you know it brother

Cant tell you how many times I rawd*gged my husband after I caught him using a magic eraser to clean the pasta sauce I burned onto the burner like some kind of primordial insect

you know what i wish you would tell me

This stupid exchange between friends has become a cultural icon.