.

That crawl space has better ventilation than my first studio apartment.

CHIRST ON A CROSS

BOY HE BOUTTA DO IT 

My fiance is literally a stinky asshole. He gets tired of using the crowded subway sometimes so he decides to punish New Yorkers by jogging before heading to his station, his clothes drenched with sweat and body order. He makes sure to eat some yogurt and/or eggs in the morning, so he can release his sulfur farts in the train. Nobody within a 10 feet radius wants to go near the stinky, sweaty, hairy man with explosive farts. Thankfully he showers immediately at both his workplace and home, otherwise all my friends will start thinking I’m engaged to a homeless dude. 

But I make sure I smell good when I’m with you. Isn’t that what matters?

Hey, can Chris check if my boobs are real too.

Meow

Why do you look like you're turning 12 while I look 40.

i want to be ‘actually buy this overpriced rag’ rich

Dear god

You know I'm too lazy to have affairs with other women online. That's what pornhub is for.

One of the building tenants made a complaint because my fiance @kingjamesofny brought our newly purchased bed mattress into the elevator.  The bed covered the entire elevator floor so he was laying on it during the entire time until he reached our floor… the top floor.  Sigh. 

buttttttttt the kimchi and green tea made my stomach ache. I had to lie down. :(