@candycatacombs gifted Keech that hoodie and I had to draw him in it ⊙ u ⊙

N-never mind. That's not important.

As you would probably expect, I was the problem - there isn't really any reason to drag it out any further than that.

I kind of have a vague recollection of that person though, sure.

Want to test how good my memory is...? Prepare to be underwhelmed! Heh.

i was just wondering if u could explain or give examples of stuff he does that makes u concerned

Oh, I'm not sure if-- Ok, I guess 'concerned' would be the correct way to describe it.

I probably shouldn't go into too many specific details for Ouma-kun's sake... We all knew I would be a lousy servant, but I still should probably make efforts not to be completely worthless, right..?

The main one is how he... W-well...

I guess I can say this, since I've spoiled it once already - Ouma-kun has health issues, but he ignores them.

I don't like it...

I realize how I feel doesn't matter, but it's how I feel anyway.

He pushes himself too much, and it's like he believes if he ignores his health--

Ah... I don't know that he actually believes this, of course...

I'm not sure if he just doesn't care about himself? Or if he believes not paying attention to those matters would--

Whatcha gossipin' about, Koma-chan? What's the scary voice for?

Hi, master. I was just talking about how you deliberately neglect your health.

HEY! That's one of those times when you're supposed to lie, Nagito! Not just tell somebody you were yakkin' about 'em!

Whoops. Heh.

Aaaanyway, don't let this guy lie to ya, pizza roll! I don't have health problems - I'm healthy as a horse! One of those cantankerous bastard-horses that'll trample ya if you look at 'em sideways!

...

Nagito's just projecting! He's the Ultimate Sick Guy around here!

Master... Remember how you're not allowed to have caffeine? Or go on rollercoasters?

Sure I can! I just don't feel like it! That stuff's for losers! I don't care about it!

Oumu-kun.

Not liking coffee or amusement parks doesn't mean squat!

Ouma-kun has extremely low blood iron and a weak heart! He ignores his health, feels bad most of the time, but pretends he's fine!

If I wasn't so tired out from how crappy your mattress is, I'd totally give ya what-for, Nagito!

...

Heh, my mattress is pretty terrible, isn't it? My bad luck again, I guess.

Nagito's mattress suuuuucks - one time it gave me a super ugly bruise on my--

Th-there's girls present, Ouma-kun!

Hee! My bad!

I... Guess I forgot what we were talking about before...

Oh well... I guess you can't really expect too much from somebody like me. Heh.

I don't normally like sweets, but black sugar is the exception - it's one of the things Ouma-kun and I completely agree on.

It's a little unusual, since... Well, I don't normally like candy.

Also, Ouma-kun doesn't like coffee at all, but it has a definite coffee hit about it - it might depend on the brand... Anyway, he also loves black sugar, probably as much as I do--

Koma-chan, quit tellin' all our secrets!

Are you concerned this one will lead to our downfall, master? The fact we can agree on a snack item, and it's a highly unlikely one?

Yup! Ya never know, riiight?

Unfortunately, I don't remember the brand... I've had some since then that weren't as good, which is why I mentioned it might vary by brand - the later ones didn't have such a distinct coffee flavour about them.

Just in case you were thinkin' it might be easy to win him over? He doesn't like coffee candy.

It's true, haha... I'm not sure how many of them actually contain actual coffee, and they're too... Sugary.

This coming from a guy who admits his favourite candy is literal sugar.

It doesn't make sense to me, either. Heh.

Where'd ya find that black sugar abomination, Nagito~?

...

Convenience store... Heh. Near where I used to live--

Huh? That messed up apartment complex with that Doll Ghoul upstairs? House of horrors, Unsolved Mystery thing? That place?

Yes. It was in a convenience store near there, and I can vaguely remember the packaging - I'd remember it well enough if I saw it again, I think.

...

Bummer! Looks like that's the end of that then, huh? It just doesn't exist anymore, I guess!

I haven't been back there - there's a chance they might still carry it--?

Sucks so bad, it just doesn't exist now...

Oh well, no use dwellin' on it!

Either you don't like the fact I've just shared a weakness of yours, or you're concerned about me going back to that area.

...

I don't care if my DICElings know what kinda candy to give us, Koma-chan! I don't want you going back to that apartment bloc from hell!

Wait, you're serious..? You're actually concerned... About me?

...

...

Marvelous! Thank you, Oumu-kun! Nobody's ever cared enough about me to restrict my movements in an effort to protect me before!

Anything for you, Koma-chan! This definitely isn't me being neurotic megalomaniac - it's definitely because I care aboutcha!

Excellent! Thanks!

I'll try to be more careful and not drop this one!

The trouble is my hand tremors... My phone was still sort of functional, so it didn't seem very important to replace it...

...

Since this one was a thoughtful gift from you, I'll try to be more careful with it - the one I bought myself didn't matter too much to me, but this one has sentimental value!

Marvelous!

if god made humans in "his" image... who made god? why did "he" look like that? also when was "he" born? where does "he" live?

...

Uh... I haven't really thought about it too much, haha... Give me a minute, ok?

...

(You didn't specify which one you're referring to, but I can definitely guess...)

...

I think the only reasonable conclusion here is that being is an Eldritch horror, don't you think?

Similar to the Great Old Ones, our reality is their dreams - that one just happened to dream up a planet full of fragile beings that resemble itself, and rules them with a sadistic selfishness - commanding total servitude or promising eternal punishment.

When they all wake up, I guess that'll be it - no more servitude, no more punishment!

Or, much more likely, they're all fairytales. Life was just an aberration - luck, basically. This planet happened to possess the correct inventory of things to produce life - including being the ideal distance from its star, to keep from boiling or freezing while the germination process happened over millions of years.

We're lucky, if you think about it - we get to be here at the same time! What are the odds?

I guess I shouldn't speak for you, but I feel very fortunate to have met you!

No offense intended, haha.

I mean--! What do you mean 'saw Nagito again'? I saw him for the first time when we met at that stupid dump of a school!

Pretty sure I wouldn't be able to forget a scarecrow bastard like that one - seems like he would really leave an impression, hmm?

...

Y'know? Nagito didn't disappoint me, but his reputation sure did!

Hearing all the yip-yaps about how deranged and messed up he was? I was expecting somebody completely different!

Scariest thing that guy does is go on his high-energy, optimistic tangents about stuff nobody cares about!

Classic Koma-chan!

...

Don't get me wrong, ok... He cares about it so I care about it, too... But damn, amirite?

He really tricked me with that stuff... I thought he was evilphobic or something!

I thought he'd turned against me because I'm an evil bastard, and I was gonna have to take ownership of him by force - using trickery and deceit. Bummer!

I didn't wanna have to do that, but...

If it came to that, I guess I'd have no choice, hmm?

...

Aaaanyway, I dunno what you've gotten yourself convinced of over there, gummyworm... But it's all false! Soooorry!

I never met Koma-chan before we met at Cope's Geek, and if he didn't agree to be my servant, I was gonna be forced to do some underhanded stuff to get my way.

Like, what are we doin' here~?

...

Now get rid of that picture for me, k? Don't let Nagito see it - we don't wanna give him nightmares or anything, riiiight?

He loves sweets; I don't.

I love cute things; he doesn't care for them.

...

A-anyway... I'm not sure I would consider myself a fan...

A fan of theirs, I mean...

I am a fan of the hope they symbolize, though!

Misguided hope is still hope! An uncut diamond is still a diamond!

A troupe of vigilantes that have their hearts set on a brighter future, even if they won't be around to benefit from it? Wonderful!

Cutting back the weeds thanklessly, all for the promise of a future they won't be able to enjoy for themselves!

F-fantastic!

Risking their safety every time they venture out - it really is a selfless type of hope, isn't it?

Who are they doing this for? What do they gain from all this effort - there is no reward!

Were they loved so completely that they feel this determination to repay that love - even to those who don't appreciate their sacrifice?

What about the night when one of them doesn't come home? Will it have been worth it to the ones that remain?

Were they loved? Or was it a lack of love that manufactured this crusade?

...

My honest interpretation of Sparkling Justice is a bittersweet one. Are you ready?

Bear in mind my interpretation might be skewed, but it's my honest takeaway from everything I've learned about the individuals - what little was released to the public.

Ever since I started looking into the case details, it seemed like it was most likely a suicide mission.

It was never about winning the war against crime - they never expected to. They knew they would lose it someday, and they were determined to take out as many criminals as they could before their time was up.

It's pretty fitting that they wear masks, isn't it? I don't just mean for the sake of hiding their identity - but even the motivation behind it all is obscured by the lie they've constructed.

The few interviews they've allowed seemed highly scripted. It wasn't genuine, it... Lacked something. Something important.

The words were fine, I guess... There wasn't anything wrong with them... But something seemed 'off', somehow.

I've seen genuine Sparkling Justice fans that believe the soliloquizing and buy into the story they've prepared...

But this isn't just about punishing criminals. There's something else they aren't saying.

...

Is it hope to be so willing to sacrifice your life this way? Knowing it won't make a difference after all?

Or does the hope lie at the end - making it out of the circumstances that drove them to these extremes?

It's a bit like sawing your leg off once you've been snared by a bear-trap... I find it really difficult to believe a loving environment created the individuals making up Sparkling Justice.

...

I could always be wrong, haha! It wouldn't be the first time!

Oh, you! You can't get my goat - I finally remembered to take my meds!

...

I think I remembered, anyway...

...

Uh-oh! Now I'm not sure - it might have been this morning; it might have been a year ago!

It's probably fine.

...

Aaaanyway, that's not possible - I'm with him all the time. I send him off on errands sometimes, but I've followed him around enough to know that he doesn't sneak away to meet with some dirty, rotten, murderous bastard - he's totally clean.

He definitely doesn't sneak off after dark, for sure - he's locked in with me! Talk about 'hell in a cell', amirite? HA!

Me and Koma-chan! Locked up! All night! Best friends! Nobody murdering anybody!

I don't sleep well so if he got up and left, I'd be the first one to know about it!

Anybody could be Sparkling Just-Ass - except that guy!

...

Now, how much does my testimony mean to ya, coffin drop? Am I a trustworthy alibi or not?

Maybe Sparkling Justice is me and Koma-chan? Hmm? Ya think?

Am I lyin' to ya? Or is he?

Who knows? Who cares?

How cruel, forcing Koma-chan to eat candy when you know he doesn't like sweets! You're hardcore, huh?

It's not that different from something you--

Nope. Totally different!

It really wasn't, though--?

It. Was. Different. Nagito.

Ouma-kun begged me for days to chew his favourite gum for him, since he's not allowed. I thought he was picking on me at first - the fact he was asking me to do that for him, I mean.

The thing he was asking for was--

Haha...

...

He was so excited when I finally relented and chewed it for him, he could barely wait for me to take the gum out before--

See? Totally different! Exactly like I was sayin'!

What? How is that different?

You had me chew something you aren't allowed to have because of your braces, then--

Well? Say it. Hee.

I tried to warn him, haha... That the 'juiciness' of the gum is spit, I mean... The thing he was telling me to do... Uh...

Aww, bummer! You're right - it's totally the same thing!

...

We should do it anyway! Nagito's asthmatic breath right on my face is so cute!

Are you picking on me again..? Because it seemed like you were the last time, but--

No way! I'd never pick on you!

Ah, I understand.

Nice joke, master! You got me!

Really? Ya fell for it?

Do me a favour and chew one of these gummies for me, Koma-chan. Y'know, to make up for believing my insidious, bastardly lie. Hee.

[ mod note: I'm not sure if Cherry was deliberately making a reference to this thing I wrote a while ago? But they were talking about this event, at least XD!! ]

There are no neck-biting blood-suckers, but the culprit is definitely Celestia Ludenberg.

Hee.

Basically, she read about that duchess or whatever, who used to bathe in maiden-blood... Y'know the one?

Convinced it would give her eternal youth and vitality, some crap like that... And that terrified her in a way you might not expect.

Y'know she's super into historical accounts, especially French aristocracy, right? She's apparently not restricted to just France, but she's got a fondness in particular for queens, princesses, especially ones that had horrible secrets or met gruesome ends.

I dunno the specifics - that stuff is boring as hell to me, but I do know enough about her to know there's a reason she's behind the rumours.

Since one of her ancient girl-crushes was so convinced maiden-blood was the key to eternal beauty, she set Roomba on research and development duty.

She refused to do the actual blood-bath ritual or whatever - she wanted Roomba to invent something that would give her all the benefits without any of the... Y'know, "lingering rot"-smell.

Roomba can't exactly argue with the Vampire Queen so she's working tirelessly to invent some kind of crap using stolen blood-bags from the hospital.

A blood bubble bath would be a lot easier, but turns out? Celeste has a delicate stomach and can't tolerate the smell.

By the way, the 'terrified her in a way you might not expect' - she suddenly became obsessively paranoid that she was showing signs of aging. She was seeing age-spots and wrinkles where she obviously didn't have any, so Celeste's kicked Roomba outta her bedroom until she can develop something to reverse the imaginary signs of aging Celeste is starting to show.

I almost feel kinda bad for Roomba..?

...

I did say 'almost' just then, right?

I don't want to rule it out completely, since we don't know anything about the victim--

Ohhhh, right - I forgot to tell ya, Koma-chan. My cards said the victim was a total asshole.

What? When did this happen?

It was pretty recent, but... Y'know... I didn't think you'd care that much--

There's an excellent chance this was a Sparkling Justice hit, in that case! Ouma-kun's cards haven't been wrong yet!

Guess so... Plus the card I picked for the killer lines up, if that matters at all to ya.

Marvelous! Tell me everything!

Oh, I can barely even remember! Something about the victim being crooked but outnumbered; the killer having a 'change of position'... At first I took that as they might have reformed and don't kill anymore..?

Buuuut it could easily be a serial killer tag-team exhibition.

You're sure the victim's card suggested they were outnumbered..?

Sure thing! Also, seemed like the card was sayin' they were involved in business, trade, competition... Wonder what that means?

Any ideas, Koma-chan? Any theories at all about why Sparkling Justice would wanna exact revenge against somebody involved in that boring crap..?

I don't think Sparkling Justice has such petty motives, Ouma-kun. What are you suggesting?

Nothin'! Nothin' at all! I'm just bringing up the fact this murder seems a little different from the others, doesn't it?

Why would Sparkling Justice need to hide a body so thoroughly? Liiike, since when do they even bother covering up their crimes?

Seems to me like this one was a lot more personal, that's all... They weren't tryin' to clean up the streets - they were just takin' out the trash and making sure nobody found out about it this time.

Are you suggesting Sparkling Justice wasn't motivated by hope?

No way! It just kinda seems to me like the killer was tryin' desperately to hide their victim... And it sounds like the victim might have been a business man - or business lady, I dunno their life.

Now... Who do we know that would super care about business crap, eliminating competition, winning a negotiation at all costs... Hmm...

It isn't Togami-kun, master.

Damn that guy! Can't he stop being boring for 5 seconds and just be a stupid serial killer!

Who would he work with..? Sparkling Justice is a cooperative team of two or more individuals - can you imagine Togami-kun working with anybody, for any reason? Unless it was absolutely necessary, I mean.

That's true - nobody can stand bein' around him, and the main Sparkling Justice ghoul has at least one friend.

Besides, you mentioned the victim's card suggested they were evil in some way - that this killing wasn't just a business deal gone wrong.

So what? Business people can be bastards, Koma-chan. They're allowed.

Yes, but why would Sparkling Justice have an issue with them unless they were committing some type of major offense?

(The fact the victim's body was rendered impossible to locate is a mystery, though.)

...

Please stop bullying me, Koma-chan! I thought we were friends!

Huh?! I'm not--! We are--!

Gotcha! I got Koma-chan to admit we're friends! Hee!

Heh. Well done, master.

[ mod note: we're all on the same page that Nagito was his game's detective, right? Since there wasn't an Ultimate Detective in his class, he filled that role? Basically, I feel like Keech would get in his way if he was in detective-mode XD!! Trying to bend or twist the investigation toward whichever person he feels like implicating, then weaseling out of it if his attempt doesn't work ]

A servant that just does stuff without screwing everything up would be so boring!

Neehee!

Sure, things would actually get done around here, but... The sooner you finish, the sooner you have nothing to do? Boring!

...

The thing with Kuzuryu--

...

Ok, that would have been really satisfying if Koma-chan actually cooperated--

Hee.

Sorry, what was the question again..?

Oh, right; if Nagito ever gets on my nerves when he's getting in the way.

Nope!

You have to wonder... How can a vigilante criminal keep getting away with their deeds? They can't even determine an approximate age group, height, or build for this individual.

The only way somebody would be able to keep those details private is if they avoided ever being seen, or if they were an expert at disguising themselves...

Heyyyy, do ya think the Sparkling Justice kook might be Smoogs?

Actually, I've been following the details of the case and I have a theory of my own... It might be totally wrong--

Spill! Whatcha got, Koma-chan? Let's hear it!

It's just a theory...

We're burnin' daylight here, Nagito! Sparkling Justice goes after criminals, right? Doesn't that mean I'm in trouble? I need to know who to look out for! Protect me!

Well... As you know, there's very little information available... Rather than the person being an expert at disguises, I believe there might be more than one person posing as Sparkling Justice.

...

Just the fact they can't even estimate an age range, gender, height... Anything about the individual? These things lead me to believe there's more than one person behind it.

After all, they wouldn't be able to easily disguise their height..? They might be able to wear shoes with elevated soles or heels in order to gain a slight boost, but would it really make that much of a difference..?

...

This suggests to me that Sparkling Justice is a team of two or more people, who have a large disparity between their physical builds.

It's entirely possible they might be an assortment of unaffiliated copycats... But I believe it's more likely they're working together.

Alright. Got any theories about who this tag-team of serial killers might be, Koma-chan?

I might, but I'm not really interested in interfering. Sorry, master.

You promised you were gonna protect me, and Sparkling Just-Ass goes after criminals! You have to tell me who it is!

Sorry, Oumu-kun. I don't think you're in any danger.

Why the hell not? I'm an evil bastard!

Wait, is this your subtle way of admitting you're a part of Sparkling Justice, Koma-chan? You know Sparkling Justice is more than one person because you're one of them?

Definitely not - if I was involved, they would have been caught by now, for sure.

What then? Why would you wanna protect a group of dirty murderers?

Take a guess!

Murderers don't have hope, Nagito!

Sure they do! They actually might have the most hope, in this case!

Their victims are all criminals, and the fact they allow themselves to be seen enough to make it impossible to pin down a physical estimation of the assailant - they have strong hope!

Hope for ridding the future of criminals, hope for striking again without getting apprehended!

Murderers. Do not. Have hope. Nagito.

Sorry, Ouma-kun. I have to disagree with you here - this isn't senseless violence. Every victim of Sparkling Justice has been a criminal. Their motivation is hope - hope for a future without violent criminals terrorizing the streets.

Fiiiine... I'll play along - let's pretend a group of two or more bloodthirsty murderers represent hope... Their ideal version of the future is one where all violent criminals have been expunged. Yeah?

Yes.

Doesn't that mean they should kill themselves, by their own logic? Aren't they also adding to the number of violent criminals terrorizing the civilians?

I don't think they value their lives at all, master.

I don't have all of the information, of course... But that wasn't something I was picking up on while I was studying the case details.

They have hope for ridding the planet of violent criminals, including themselves... They have a uniquely selfless hope.

Thanks for paying tribute, gummybear! I'm not normally into stuff that cutesy - cute stuff is more Nagito's deal, y'know?

Buuuut because you're giving me stuff and because we're pals already, I'll go ahead and fulfill your request!

In fact, I'll draw two cards for ya - one for the victim that was buried in the basement, and the other card to see what we can find out about the killer!

There's still a lot of unknown stuff here - whether the person was killed before or after the place was converted into an ice cream shop, why they were encased under cement, why the basement was filled with the stuff, rather than just paving the floor...

I can't guarantee any of those questions will be answered; I'm just chattin' since I like ya so much. Hee.

Now without further ado, let's see what the cards have to say about it, hmm?

Evil spirits of destiny and doom, or whatever! Reveal like, whatever you want about the ice cream shop victim and killer! Pronto!

[ Kokichi pulls the cards out of his pocket and begins clumsily shuffling through them, keeping them face-down as usual. It seems he hasn't gotten any more graceful with his card-handling. ]

First up, the victim! Let's go!

[ Cutting the deck at a randomly-selected spot toward the center, Kokichi reveals the card without much bluster or bravado. ]

7 of Wands! No idea what that means!

[ It seems he's decided to drop the pretense about knowing exactly what he's doing, flipping through the small booklet without any delay at all. ]

[ He reads the passage silently, then glances up from the page. ]

Alright, sooo...

Looks like we might actually need to find out the identity of the victim - this card is suggesting they were an important person...

It's basically talking about someone who was outnumbered but they had an advantage of some kind..? Then it says 'discussion, wordy strife, negotiations, war of trade, barter, competition'. It also says the card signifies 'success' - like, everything about this is suggesting it probably wasn't a randomly-selected victim, but more likely a targeted thing.

...

[ He might not have been taking it very seriously at the beginning, but something must have changed his mind... ]

[ He shuffles the cards again, restacking and resorting them as he's done every time before; He's disconcertingly quiet. ]

[ He cuts the deck again, nearer to the top this time, and pauses without showing the card that he drew. ]

Gimme a sec.

[ There's something extremely uncomfortable about Kokichi when he's stopped joking around; he returns to the booklet and skims over a page near the front - that must mean the killer's card belongs in the Major Arcana. ]

That's what I thought...

The card I drew for the killer was 'The Final Judgment', by the way - finding out who it was is gonna be extremely tough if that card's accurate for them.

It means 'change of position, renewal, outcome' - which seems to me like it's saying they're basically a different person now. This wasn't the work of some serial killer like our miserable Plushie Fiend or Doll Ghoul - this is someone who doesn't kill anymore.

We still have nothing resolved, either!

The place wasn't always a business - it was a regular house once. It changed hands a bunch of times, and there's no telling when that basement makeover - or the murder - happened!

This is kinda sounding to me like the victim buried in the basement might have been an evil bastard! Then they got cut down by someone who might not have killed again or maybe they reformed after this one..?

Anyway, I've done my part. Let's see how you work with the info I gave ya!

Good luck~!