C a n d y

Guess I'd end up right back where I started. No purpose, no future, no hope.

It always felt like he was making a mistake by picking me, anyway.

I'm counting on my luck here, you know?

...

Not sure how, huh? I don't blame you - it's a little unconventional. Also, considering how many times I've complained about my luck being terrible, why would I suddenly come to depend on it for anything?

I'll try to explain it in a way that makes any sense at all - it might not go well. Heh.

I credit my luck with Ouma-kun finding me at all... There's no way we would have met if we hadn't been scouted by Hope's Peak - the raffle that lead to my admittance pit me against thousands of other losers.

Anyone could have ended up where I am - but my luck dragged me out of my life of tedious mediocrity, dropping me into an environment I have no business being in, haha.

I didn't belong there - I knew it, everybody else knew it, and every attempt I made to bond with anyone was a failure. Naturally.

What could somebody like me offer any of them? Nothing of any value, obviously!

I didn't have any friends from before my admittance because of my time spent in hospitals - I was a lifer, meaning I was there for the long-haul, while the others were either much older than I was, or they were only going to be staying for a short time.

The loneliness was turning me bitter and eroding me like an ulcer, but it was nobody's fault but my own. I couldn't stop being who I was, and who I was was unacceptable.

... It sounds like I'm making excuses, but that's the unfortunate truth. Nothing would change because I couldn't stop being who I am.

Ouma-kun also has difficulty making friends, but in a different way from me... In fact, our first interaction, he was trying to upset me... Probably.

I guess it normally works - the things he was doing, I mean... But it was pretty nice, having someone want me around for a change.

I immediately lost interest in everything else - my games, books, all the things I used to fill time with? I didn't want them at all anymore... I immediately hated myself more than ever - that version of me, along with every other one, for how complacent I'd gotten... That was when I realized my luck had hit again.

There really isn't another explanation, is there..? I've been waiting for the backswing this entire time.

You know, my luck is like a pendulum - a fortunate thing will happen, and there will be a price for it before too long. Or vice versa - something terrible, followed by a meaningless apology token.

I... Haven't received the bill for this one yet. That's concerning.

Since this one feels like the most fortunate thing that's ever happened to me - I have somebody who wants me around, I have a purpose, I'm looking forward to the future... This one's gong to hurt the worst, I can already feel it.

It'll be back to being intolerable and getting avoided, I guess. This is already worse than anything before, because I know what I'll be missing now.

I only had stories and theories to work from before - it was more abstract, I guess. It's harder to imagine what those things must feel like when it's never been your life...

Now - unfortunately - I know what I'll be losing.

This is definitely the cruelest one so far - I've lost a lot already, but this one will be the most agonizing. The backswing hasn't even started yet, and it's already too painful to bear.

...

Haha, whoops, I think I forgot to answer your question.

What was it...?

so if there was some type of battle of hopes + keech lost what happens to u?

Ah. If he loses, I lose. I wouldn't have done a good enough job training him so I would deserve it, right?

It was what I decided not too long after we met - I would be his sparring partner. I decided I would be useful for a change, and being a foil is the best service I can offer.

As I mentioned, I'm relying on my luck in that training - if I can keep winning against him, he'll eventually get fed up and discard me. Once he gets rid of me, he'll catch a glimpse of his true hope - that I'm a useless burden who can only get in the way, and he'll realize how much better off he'll be once he gets rid of me.

It's the least I could do!

He'll decide that keeping a servant is more trouble than it's worth, and he's better off relying on himself - his future will be brighter when he doesn't have me around to get in the way and cast a shadow.

My luck's already doings its part - Ouma-kun hates losing, and he can't win against me. One day he'll find his limit, and that's when his real future will begin!

Fantastic!

I must have forgotten myself for a little while there, thinking someone like me could ever know what hope feels like. Haha.

Now... Takin' that crap off...

Y'know how they say 'it's the thought that counts'..?

Not in this case! You owe me big time for the anguish you've inflicted on me.

I could've gone my entire life without knowing that somebody bothered to make something like that!

What a tacky, ridiculous--

Ouma-kun, you looked so cute in that! Why did you take it off?

...

Awww, man! My servant has horrible taste and excellent comedic timing!

Hiya, Koma-chan! You wanna wear the worst costume ever designed by a human?

No, thanks... It wouldn't look nearly as cute on me as it did on you.

...

Wait, are you serious?

Sure. You shouldn't make me wear that, since you won't be able to discard the memory of seeing such an awful sight. I'd strongly advise against issuing that command, master.

Not that, I mean you actually thought it was cute on me? Or are you messin' with me..?

So cute! I love cute things and scary things! Ouma-kun dressed up as a slice of rainbow layer cake is both at the same time - cute and scary!

Ohhhh... Barf!

Heh, that response is understandable - I guess you wouldn't really want somebody like me saying something like that about you.

Next stop: Hurl City! But since you're sayin' it already, we might as well find out how sick you can make me, Koma-chan!

Let's go, pronto! Give me every excruciating detail!

Ok, but you'll have to put the costume back on. I'm already starting to forget how it looked, and I want to be sure I'm remembering correctly.

...

Fine, whatevs! Better make it worth my while, though!

I didn't know you were such a fan of being disgusted, Oumu-kun.

Well, I'm not - I'm makin' an exception for you! Y'know, since you're my servant and all.

Consider it one of the perks of the job!

Is it a job, though..? You don't pay me...

It's a volunteer position - don't get distracted!

I didn't volunteer, though. You claimed ownership over me--

Nagito, shush! Stop getting distracted and start praising me!

What? I thought you were wanting to be sickened? Why would you be so excited to start feeling unwell, master?

Because I'm a masochist? Whatever, doesn't matter! Let's go!

Whoops - I mean, I'm sure he is definitely evil; it is his talent, after all.

Heh.

...

This matter's a bit complicated... One thing I've gotten out of the experience, being near Ouma-kun this entire time, is my understanding of hope and despair are beginning to mutate.

It's really putting things into a different perspective for me - mainly the fact that hope and despair are not complete opposites. They're both highly subjective.

Something that represents despair for you, might be somebody else's hope, you know?

Likewise, that despair could spur you forward - if you didn't have this obstacle, would you have made such tremendous effort? The trial will be difficult, but if your hope is stronger than the despair he causes, shouldn't it be worth the energy burst you'll need to vanquish him?

Ouma-kun's villainy is his hope - it's what he's pressing forward for, it's the reason why he can look toward the future and see a place for himself in it.

Isn't that marvelous? Isn't it inspiring, how many types of hope there are?

Fantastic!

However... Someone can be "good" and never make any progress at all - that does not represent hope to me.

Preservation of the status quo, never making waves, never making any progress toward your hope? That is unacceptable. That is the type of momentum a dead body floating in a river has - following the current, never doing anything at all.

The dead body has no reason to complain about where the river is taking it - to change course, it needs to fight the current.

Nobody fights the current harder than Ouma-kun! He really gets under people's skin, forces them to take action when they don't want to--!

Exceptional!

... I'm saying all this as a dead body, heh.

I was completely inert for a long time, content to just lay there and accomplish nothing at all... The entire reason I belong to Ouma-kun right now was because of his initiative - he claimed me.

In typical dead body fashion, I just accepted where the river-current was taking me, and... Heh.

Realized this is hope for me - this is my place in the future. As pathetic and worthless as it is... Being Ouma-kun's servant is the most purpose I've ever had in my life.

The river-current was leading me to him - I didn't know it at the time... But now I finally have a purpose. There's finally a place in the future for me, and it's... Next to him, as long as he can stand to keep me. Haha.

...

To answer your question, heh, I would definitely remain Ouma-kun's servant. Whatever despair he might rustle up is simply a challenge for everyone else to prove their own hope is stronger than his.

If his hope is weaker than theirs, they should be able to make quick work of him, right?

If his hope is stronger than theirs, then... Better luck next time, I guess!

(selfposting this instead of sending as an ask since ur not allowed to bury secrets in asks rofl)

funeral cake day dastardly bastardly cake morgue boy is so cute <3333

this is an official clubroom party game post now: bring a gift, bring a treat, lex-sama will reblog at the end to enshrine it in the morgue <3333

Don't get it wrong, ok - Kuzuryu still blabbers at me for stompin' on ketchup packets, he just doesn't take it to the higher authorities.

Hmm, do ya think the baby-faced gangster is nervous about settin' off a hardened criminal~?

Neehee.

Nah, not me - I'm talkin' abt Owada! He's massive - he could probably dead-lift his own bike while he's sittin' on the crapper!

He must spend so much time workin' out, but still manages to find the time to perfectly apply his mascara and eyeliner? He's so cool!

The fact the guy's gonna spend that much time workin' on his body and workin' on his face? That has to scare Kuzuryu so bad, don'tcha think?

Follow me for a sec: he's not the actual Leader of all Biker Gangs - as in, they don't have a formal process to determine who is at the top of the heap, but he's understood to be the de-facto leader, right?

That means every gang in his region respects his leadership, doesn't invade his territory, and does not slap the eyeliner outta his hand.

You gotta be scary as hell to command respect while you're bein' that androgynous, huh?

Don't get me wrong here - I'm not mockin' him at all. He's definitely not boring - I respect that.

So a small fry like Kuzuryu runnin' off and alerting the feds about illicit activities... Don'tcha think that might attract the attention of an actual criminal..?

Not sayin' Owada's on my side, hee. He's technically my rival.

I mean, we are both leaders of our own bands of miscreants.

...

"Ouma, shut up! He doesn't even know you exist!" I'm sure you're sayin' right now, hee.

That's where you're wrong, gummybear! He sees me as a pesky, runty little brother-type - I've totally got him on-side!

But it doesn't necessarily go both ways~.

He was actually one of the easiest ones to win over from that class - he's got a soft spot for puny little twerps - probably because of the way his own older brother looked out for him, hmm?

Soooo... On the one hand, Kuzuryu doesn't actually have anything to worry about - they could probably even be friends if Kuzuryu could get outta his own way.

On the other, Owada's already on my payroll, in a manner of speaking.

Kuzuryu's so lucky I'm such a nice guy - I could cause soooo many problems for him if I wasn't.

...

Meanwhile, Bakia's just some pocketwatch-wearing geezer - grandpas always love causin' problems! It's the only fun they get to have anymore besides playin' bingo!

And probably created a lot of dirty dishes, haha...

Whoever got stuck doing cleanup detail after that has worse luck than I do...

whats ur matchmaker evaluation for chiaki & gundham being friends?

They are friends, you know. I didn't do anything at all to cause them to bond - they found each other.

Tanaka-kun is disgusted by anime that feature animals walking upright and talking like humans - he claims it's 'unnatural'... Always up for a challenge, Nanami-san introduced him to a couple of her games that center entirely around animals - caring for them, bonding with them, with an occasional upright-walking, talking animal included in the cast somewhere...

Tanaka-kun was immediately won over.

He still greatly prefers the ones where the animals behave like animals and aren't mimicking human speech, but that's still quite a coup for Nanami-san, wouldn't you agree?

She convinced him to give something a chance that he'd decided he was completely opposed to, and now he has one of those little keyring pet games, you know?

He's slightly addicted to it, haha... As soon as his keyring-pet chirps, he insists on taking care of whichever needs it has - I guess he didn't get to be the Ultimate Breeder by sitting around and ignoring animals whenever one is left in his care, right?

...

how abt kirumi & fuyuhiko?

Those two...

They're both pretty strong-willed, right? It's actually... Kind of interesting - their interactions, the few they have.

Essentially, Kuzuryu-kun is extremely irritated by the fact Tojo-san insists on waiting on everybody.

I can tell his heart's in the right place, as usual, but... Also as usual, he sees that as being a negative quality to have... I guess for someone in his position, it would be..?

I'm referring to someone who has his intended life trajectory, but clearly having a kind heart - he hides it behind a bad attitude, but if you consider the meaning rather than the words he's using? He's actually a really nice person.

I think he probably hates that - I think he would prefer to be ruthless, or be nothing at all? But he didn't choose to be an Ultimate.

He frequently gets after Tojo-san for 'groveling' and 'crawling', how she needs to let them fend for themselves, that they're taking advantage of her... She assures him that she doesn't mind, she prefers it - and that normally causes another eruption.

I think there's a chance he might have recognized Pekoyama-san within Tojo-san - don't you think it's possible, at least?

I don't mean to notice things, but it happens without me - it seems as if those two might be friends. Kuzuryu-kun and Pekoyama-san, I mean.

I'm not sure what they are to each other? They mostly sit in silence near each other, but it's happened so often, I have to assume they must be friends.

It only happens when nobody is nearby, also. So I don't think anyone was meant to notice it happening.

I wonder why not..?

Do you think Kuzuryu-kun is concerned for Pekoyama-san's safety - because of his family, I mean? If they notice he's getting 'distracted' by anybody, they might harm her to keep him focused on his future responsibility..?

Or something else?

The fact he's normally extremely vocal, but is quiet with her makes me believe something else is going on.

Nobody asked me, haha... But that's just a feeling I'm getting. The fact Kuzuryu-kun is completely different when he's around her, sitting in silence in her company instead of yelling or fleeing - that makes me believe... Something.

I would assume he feels safe in her company? But I'm not sure how that happened.

They're both impossible to find information about on the internet, by the way.

I would assume Pekoyama-san's name is a false identity? But I'm not entirely sure why she would need a pseudonym... Meanwhile, it's easy to assume why Kuzuryu-kun's presence would have been scrubbed from the internet.

...

A-anyway, haha... I almost forgot to answer your question.

I feel like there's a good chance that Kuzuryu-kun's outbursts toward Tojo-san are because he wants her to stop being ordered around - he even called it 'abuse' before..? He insisted she stop allowing everyone to 'abuse' her.

Despite how she's said she's fine with fulfilling orders and completing tasks, he doesn't seem convinced.

I'm still not sure how Pekoyama-san fits into this puzzle, but I guess I have a hunch... Not that that means anything at all, haha.

Aaaanyway, you guys need to stop giving me such cute ammo - people keep stealin' em! I'm not joking!

Basically just chucking a free gift at 'em! C'mon now - it'll ruin my image!

I'm a bastard! I'm not Santa Claus!

... Y'know, if Santa Claus smacked ya across the face or the back of your head with your gifts, HA!

...

Maybe he should start doing that? Maybe then people wouldn't look forward to takin' advantage of his kindness so much, if the gifts came with a whoopin'.

Neehee.

Anyway, what were you askin'? I forgot already.

...

Something about how Nagito is constantly begging to take my dictation? How it's like, almost a problem, how bad he wants it?

I'm like, "Nagito, PLEASE! I have an evil empire to run here, we don't have time!"

...

Juuust kidding - I can't read that guy's handwriting at all!

I mean, he would be perfect if I wanted something recorded that I didn't want anybody to ever be able to read - not even me - but because villainy requires a certain amount of je ne sais quoi, I kiiinda need to be able to review the bastardly plans, y'know?

His handwriting is interesting, though.

What's more boring than something somebody wrote, and all the words are perfectly legible and coherent? Nothing.

...

Ok, some things - like popcorn with nothing on it?

That's probably more boring than legible penmanship.

People who don't let ya stomp on ketchup packets - WAY more boring!

If you weren't supposed to stomp on 'em, why did they make 'em so stompable? HELLO?

Smug wind-bags who have legible handwriting, like plain popcorn, and report ya for stomping ketchup packets in the quad? Ultimate boring!

( Live Byakuya reaction: )

I see you're startin' to think like a real underhanded, conniving bastard, Fritter! Noice!

I'm so proud! Glad to see my DICElings are shaping up to be real hellraisers, neeheehee~!

...

Honestly, I'm not sure - I've never tested it... There wasn't really an opportunity while I was solitary.

C'mon, Koma-chan! Stop talkin' shop for a minute - look how evil and bastardous our DICE is getting!

--!

Heh.

Huh? What's buggin' ya, Nagito?

N-nothing... Just you referred to them as our DICE...

...

So what..?

Nothing. Heh.

We should check it out! I wanna see if we can outsmart your luck goblins - Apple Fritter here mighta found an exploit~?

What could possibly go wrong? Huh? Well?

I'm a little afraid to find out... My luck punishes me for good things happening - I'd imagine it would be even worse if I found a loophole--

Whatevs! Your luck gremlin-freakazoid things have no jurisdiction over me - I'll just get the blind boxes, operate the gacha machines, whatever, and they can't do anything about it!

...

Worth a shot, I guess.

Thennnn any crappy, stupid prizes we get? We can just sell 'em on the internet - we can claim they're haunted!

Put it in a funky-lookin' box, seal it up with wax, tell everybody they should never open it because they'll get dragged straight to hell - presto!

Seriously, have you ever seen those sales? The most worthless, goobery thing goin' for like, a hundred bucks? As if!

Ouma-kun... Are you sure?

Huh? Sure about what?

It kind of sounds to me like you just want to try some blind boxes and gacha machines - that's ok, you know. We can just leave my luck out of it--

Nope! This is definitely to see if we can find a way around your luck-monkeys, Koma-chan! This has nothing to do with me at all!

If you say so, master.

...

Y'see, it's like 'cough drop', hmm? Also 'gumdrop' - I think you're cute, y'know!

Plus I'm super convinced you would make a lousy pall bearer!

I hope nobody asks you to carry their coffin for their burial ceremony because you'd totally fumble it! HA!

I'm not judgin' or anything - just callin' it as I see it~

...

wondering what ur gacha/blind box game is like?

Oh, I never bother with those things. Gacha machines, blind boxes, crap like that?

Not because I have anything against 'em or whatever - I just don't like the odds.

Like, they have the prize list right on it - on the box, the bag, the front of the machine, whatever, lettin' you know the potential prizes..?

Well, what if I see a thing I super want and then I don't get it?

I don't lose. I won't lose.

Soooo I just don't play!

...

I wouldn't want a drawer full of stupid crap, anyway! Like, what if I get the butt-ugliest stupid things, then what? Just... Keep 'em? What for?!

I hate that even more - getting stuck with a fugly, stupid thing I didn't want--!

Anyway, I'm sure you were fishin' to find out if I have weird, paranormal oddity-levels of luck like Nagito does - soooo sorry to disappoint~!

Maybe I do~?

Maybe I don't?

Is it a cat? An octopus? Maybe both?

It's definitely cute, whatever it is! Thank you, miss Candy!

is it possible the feeling you couldn't identify might be love, not hope?

These things aren't mutually exclusive... Love, hatred, determination, revenge - these are all powerful motivators, and each one could cultivate hope once it's taken root.

The largest obstacle is whether or not the individual possesses the soil hope requires in the first place.

I may have gotten a little over-excited before, heh.

The idea that I...

I didn't intentionally lie, I just got a little overwhelmed, haha.

I'm feeling better now, though.

Back to what I was saying just now - hope and love are not opposed to each other, and love can easily become a force of hope.

I'm assuming it's easier for individuals who aren't pathetic and repulsive - getting their feelings returned, having that love germinate into a type of hope that will strengthen by the day... I wouldn't know anything about that, heh.

It does sound nice, though...

Having your feelings reciprocated sure would be a nice motivator, wouldn't it?

One of the most painful story devices for me, personally, are the Red Day/White Day occasions... It's like chewing on aluminum foil but I can't stop, haha... The pain is unbearable but I can't--

That's when I feel the most hopeless - those specific love stories, reminding me how that has never been, never will be my life... I'll get tortured with those feelings for someone I want to be closer to, but it'll never be requited... In fact, just confessing those feelings guarantees they'll leave immediately.

I don't know why I want love so much while I know it's off-limits for somebody like me... You would think that wound would just scab over at some point? Rather than bleeding forever.

A-anyway... Haha.

I appreciate your consideration, but I'm pretty sure the hope Ouma-kun represents for me is just the fact he's not completely repulsed by me.

I don't even want to call it an obligation - I'm enjoying it! 'Obligation' sounds so negative and reluctant, doesn't it?

I'm grateful for him allowing me to stay close to him, even though how I feel doesn't actually matter... It's like a campfire you didn't smother with enough sand, you know? Knowing these things, knowing they should stop, doesn't actually stop them.

Heh, it kind of is like fire, isn't it? If you're not careful, you'll get consumed by it - fire and feelings are merciless that way, aren't they?

You're just... Existing, barely, and suddenly something gets awoken in you and you can't extinguish it - it'll suffocate on its own if you're lucky? Or it'll completely destroy you if you're not! The more oxygen it receives, the more out-of-control it grows - the quicker your destruction!

Sounds like the way hope tears through if you're not sturdy enough to withstand it - they really aren't that different, are they?

So I'll admit I don't really understand why everybody assumes that just because you like a character it means you like them in a sexual or romantic way... Like do they not have any friends they like that they aren't attracted to? This doesn't make sense at all to me.

I tried not to let it bug me before but seeing it over and over again... It's grating on my nerves. It was a little before but it's a lot more lately.

I am personally capable of liking a character or ship without being personally interested in the character or characters. Even if the ship gets into sexual territory? I am not disgusted by whatever kind of situation they get into because it does not bother me. It does not mean I am sexually or romantically interested in them any more than I would be if they were my friend irl?

Seriously what is this?

I know it can't *just* be me... Why are so many people convinced that the only way you can like a character or person at all is if you're sexually or romantically interested in them? RAHHHH!

At least some of the time, it's because people are equating attraction with liking the character at all. It happens all the time, even outside of shipping - sometimes, people genuinely forget (or at least it seems like they've forgotten) that you can be neutral (and 'neutral' does not mean 'hate').

It bothers me too, for the record.

Kind of seems like platonic or friendly "attraction" (meaning having a non-sexual/-romantic appreciation for a character or person) doesn't exist sometimes..?

Just look at how often fujoshi/fudanshi/himejoshi/himedanshi are assumed to be related to your own (actual) preferences, rather than just having an appreciation for a dynamic, an art style, a character archetype, etc.

I happen to be a fudanshi and a himedanshi, but I am functionally ace (technically demisexual and demiromantic - I don't feel immediate attraction in any particular direction until after we're extremely good friends, and then it becomes weird for me to be looking at you in a special way XD!!)

Anyway, those are both assumed "gay man" or "straight man who is fetishizing lesbians", as if you can't just appreciate storytelling or character-building or anything else, outside of a sexual motive. It's annoying as fuck.

Also, just look at how many times people get accused of things just because they don't bond with this specific character that someone believes you need to bond with.

In real life, there are times when you don't bond with a person - it's not necessarily anybody's fault, it's just incompatibility.

But when it's fictional, suddenly you're an evil person who is disgusted by (whatever type of person the character is).

Plenty of people on here mistake 'attraction' for 'respect'. They seem to believe that reducing a character (or a person - this is not isolated to fan spaces) to their sexual attractiveness is the same as "respecting" them, and that couldn't be more wrong, oh my god.

That feeds directly into what I said up there - they think that not being attracted to a character or person, means you're disrespecting them. That's some of the reason there's push-back against ace people - because of their (presumed) lack of sexual interest, it means they're completely disgusted by everybody, and they are disrespecting/hating them.

Another facet of it (I'll wrap it up here, I promise; this is already gotten so long, but there are still more things involved, unfortunately) is that people don't like when you disagree with them. Even if you aren't telling them directly that they're wrong (for their ship preference, for their hc, for anything), if you aren't with them, you're against them.

So if you have a character you like this other character with, and they like that character with that other one, they might be upset with you for "telling them they're wrong". They don't like how that feels, and they'll try to make it your fault that they feel this way.

This will sometimes involve accusing you of things, suggesting things as if they already know you, to invalidate this "argument" you didn't even make.

There's no way to avoid that type of stuff, unfortunately. If you have opinions at all, people will hate you for them.

(I'm sorry for how blunt that sounds; I'm trying to make peace with the fact, myself. When I first started doing things on here, I really wanted to be friends with everybody... I've learned that isn't possible [learned it many, many times], and the best you can do is just avoid the people who are showing off their ass, acting like fandom stuff is the same as actual activism, and not a hobby.)

I love you! Don't forget that!

Hmm... I dunno, I could probably swing both ways... Hee.

I don't like doin' a lot of work, but I hate being bored more.

I'm sure if I was stuck in a boring, dystopian garbage-scenario, I could find some way to liven it up a bit!

After all, y'know how to make a barrel full of trash more interesting? Ya light it on fire!

Plus there's nothing of value to lose in dystopia, riiiight? Everything's dunzo, everything's crap!

Sounds like a boring dystopia could be made more interesting real quick!

Now, like I said, I don't like doing more work than necessary, so I guess I'd pick the one that's already interesting without costing me any effort.

The problem with utopia is it tends to be peaceful, hmm..? Seems like it might get kinda tedious after a while - maybe utopia could use a fire barrel or two.

...

Juuuust kidding! You don't look convinced, but I promise that was a lie - I'd never do aaanything to cause any disturbances when everybody's gettin' along so great~

Hee... Neehee...

NYAHAHAHAHA~!