💜 Skyler Strychnine 💜

Guess I'd end up right back where I started. No purpose, no future, no hope.

It always felt like he was making a mistake by picking me, anyway.

I'm counting on my luck here, you know?

...

Not sure how, huh? I don't blame you - it's a little unconventional. Also, considering how many times I've complained about my luck being terrible, why would I suddenly come to depend on it for anything?

I'll try to explain it in a way that makes any sense at all - it might not go well. Heh.

I credit my luck with Ouma-kun finding me at all... There's no way we would have met if we hadn't been scouted by Hope's Peak - the raffle that lead to my admittance pit me against thousands of other losers.

Anyone could have ended up where I am - but my luck dragged me out of my life of tedious mediocrity, dropping me into an environment I have no business being in, haha.

I didn't belong there - I knew it, everybody else knew it, and every attempt I made to bond with anyone was a failure. Naturally.

What could somebody like me offer any of them? Nothing of any value, obviously!

I didn't have any friends from before my admittance because of my time spent in hospitals - I was a lifer, meaning I was there for the long-haul, while the others were either much older than I was, or they were only going to be staying for a short time.

The loneliness was turning me bitter and eroding me like an ulcer, but it was nobody's fault but my own. I couldn't stop being who I was, and who I was was unacceptable.

... It sounds like I'm making excuses, but that's the unfortunate truth. Nothing would change because I couldn't stop being who I am.

Ouma-kun also has difficulty making friends, but in a different way from me... In fact, our first interaction, he was trying to upset me... Probably.

I guess it normally works - the things he was doing, I mean... But it was pretty nice, having someone want me around for a change.

I immediately lost interest in everything else - my games, books, all the things I used to fill time with? I didn't want them at all anymore... I immediately hated myself more than ever - that version of me, along with every other one, for how complacent I'd gotten... That was when I realized my luck had hit again.

There really isn't another explanation, is there..? I've been waiting for the backswing this entire time.

You know, my luck is like a pendulum - a fortunate thing will happen, and there will be a price for it before too long. Or vice versa - something terrible, followed by a meaningless apology token.

I... Haven't received the bill for this one yet. That's concerning.

Since this one feels like the most fortunate thing that's ever happened to me - I have somebody who wants me around, I have a purpose, I'm looking forward to the future... This one's gong to hurt the worst, I can already feel it.

It'll be back to being intolerable and getting avoided, I guess. This is already worse than anything before, because I know what I'll be missing now.

I only had stories and theories to work from before - it was more abstract, I guess. It's harder to imagine what those things must feel like when it's never been your life...

Now - unfortunately - I know what I'll be losing.

This is definitely the cruelest one so far - I've lost a lot already, but this one will be the most agonizing. The backswing hasn't even started yet, and it's already too painful to bear.

...

Haha, whoops, I think I forgot to answer your question.

What was it...?

so if there was some type of battle of hopes + keech lost what happens to u?

Ah. If he loses, I lose. I wouldn't have done a good enough job training him so I would deserve it, right?

It was what I decided not too long after we met - I would be his sparring partner. I decided I would be useful for a change, and being a foil is the best service I can offer.

As I mentioned, I'm relying on my luck in that training - if I can keep winning against him, he'll eventually get fed up and discard me. Once he gets rid of me, he'll catch a glimpse of his true hope - that I'm a useless burden who can only get in the way, and he'll realize how much better off he'll be once he gets rid of me.

It's the least I could do!

He'll decide that keeping a servant is more trouble than it's worth, and he's better off relying on himself - his future will be brighter when he doesn't have me around to get in the way and cast a shadow.

My luck's already doings its part - Ouma-kun hates losing, and he can't win against me. One day he'll find his limit, and that's when his real future will begin!

Fantastic!

I must have forgotten myself for a little while there, thinking someone like me could ever know what hope feels like. Haha.

Now... Takin' that crap off...

Y'know how they say 'it's the thought that counts'..?

Not in this case! You owe me big time for the anguish you've inflicted on me.

I could've gone my entire life without knowing that somebody bothered to make something like that!

What a tacky, ridiculous--

Ouma-kun, you looked so cute in that! Why did you take it off?

...

Awww, man! My servant has horrible taste and excellent comedic timing!

Hiya, Koma-chan! You wanna wear the worst costume ever designed by a human?

No, thanks... It wouldn't look nearly as cute on me as it did on you.

...

Wait, are you serious?

Sure. You shouldn't make me wear that, since you won't be able to discard the memory of seeing such an awful sight. I'd strongly advise against issuing that command, master.

Not that, I mean you actually thought it was cute on me? Or are you messin' with me..?

So cute! I love cute things and scary things! Ouma-kun dressed up as a slice of rainbow layer cake is both at the same time - cute and scary!

Ohhhh... Barf!

Heh, that response is understandable - I guess you wouldn't really want somebody like me saying something like that about you.

Next stop: Hurl City! But since you're sayin' it already, we might as well find out how sick you can make me, Koma-chan!

Let's go, pronto! Give me every excruciating detail!

Ok, but you'll have to put the costume back on. I'm already starting to forget how it looked, and I want to be sure I'm remembering correctly.

...

Fine, whatevs! Better make it worth my while, though!

I didn't know you were such a fan of being disgusted, Oumu-kun.

Well, I'm not - I'm makin' an exception for you! Y'know, since you're my servant and all.

Consider it one of the perks of the job!

Is it a job, though..? You don't pay me...

It's a volunteer position - don't get distracted!

I didn't volunteer, though. You claimed ownership over me--

Nagito, shush! Stop getting distracted and start praising me!

What? I thought you were wanting to be sickened? Why would you be so excited to start feeling unwell, master?

Because I'm a masochist? Whatever, doesn't matter! Let's go!

Whoops - I mean, I'm sure he is definitely evil; it is his talent, after all.

Heh.

...

This matter's a bit complicated... One thing I've gotten out of the experience, being near Ouma-kun this entire time, is my understanding of hope and despair are beginning to mutate.

It's really putting things into a different perspective for me - mainly the fact that hope and despair are not complete opposites. They're both highly subjective.

Something that represents despair for you, might be somebody else's hope, you know?

Likewise, that despair could spur you forward - if you didn't have this obstacle, would you have made such tremendous effort? The trial will be difficult, but if your hope is stronger than the despair he causes, shouldn't it be worth the energy burst you'll need to vanquish him?

Ouma-kun's villainy is his hope - it's what he's pressing forward for, it's the reason why he can look toward the future and see a place for himself in it.

Isn't that marvelous? Isn't it inspiring, how many types of hope there are?

Fantastic!

However... Someone can be "good" and never make any progress at all - that does not represent hope to me.

Preservation of the status quo, never making waves, never making any progress toward your hope? That is unacceptable. That is the type of momentum a dead body floating in a river has - following the current, never doing anything at all.

The dead body has no reason to complain about where the river is taking it - to change course, it needs to fight the current.

Nobody fights the current harder than Ouma-kun! He really gets under people's skin, forces them to take action when they don't want to--!

Exceptional!

... I'm saying all this as a dead body, heh.

I was completely inert for a long time, content to just lay there and accomplish nothing at all... The entire reason I belong to Ouma-kun right now was because of his initiative - he claimed me.

In typical dead body fashion, I just accepted where the river-current was taking me, and... Heh.

Realized this is hope for me - this is my place in the future. As pathetic and worthless as it is... Being Ouma-kun's servant is the most purpose I've ever had in my life.

The river-current was leading me to him - I didn't know it at the time... But now I finally have a purpose. There's finally a place in the future for me, and it's... Next to him, as long as he can stand to keep me. Haha.

...

To answer your question, heh, I would definitely remain Ouma-kun's servant. Whatever despair he might rustle up is simply a challenge for everyone else to prove their own hope is stronger than his.

If his hope is weaker than theirs, they should be able to make quick work of him, right?

If his hope is stronger than theirs, then... Better luck next time, I guess!