still can’t believe he’s gone. this year will be our 2,347th christmas without alexander the great.

ass to ass!

in some aspects tumblr users see a like but no reblog in the same way a business sees piracy as lost income

Btw if people keep telling you to stretch but never told you how to actually do it right you're supposed to go slower than you think & just hold it until you feel the muscle relax. Like how anal works

Also the muscle that goes up to your temples and gives you headaches is the same as the one that clenches your jaw & it goes down the sides of your neck so stretching your neck helps with headaches and jaw tension. You can also massage it with a vibrator

Stretching as far as possible immediately is not the goal you just bend until it feels tight. It's not supposed to Hurt You Worse. It won't hurt if you're doing it right. Much like another activity

Many are saying "we're on the celibacy website these people don't know how anal works either" I know. That's my secret second lesson

one of my favorite tropes in chinese literature is when a guy’s wife is clearly a ghost/demon/fox fairy and he just can’t see it. i’m reading a story where this guy keeps getting arrested because his wife will just magically steal steal shit out of sealed boxes and give it to him as a present, and whenever someone is like dude i think something’s up with his wife he asks her and she’s like i’m literally normal. so he turns around and says yeah guys she’s literally normal

#hashtag Believe Women#feminism

This is diabolical. Loud enough to notice, but virtually unidentifiable from a truck in motion. You pop the hood to see what's up and find nothing. You start it up and it doesn't make the noise. You go for a drive and it's fucking back. Psychological torture

sacred bond between 2 perverts is stronger than the bond soldiers form in war

reading poetry forces you to ask wrenching, necessary, impossible questions, like "is the author stupid? or am I?"

the procrastinator’s mind will invent distractions you’ve never conceived of in order to avoid tasks even a dog could do.

give a woman some guy and she'll be entertained for a day. teach a woman how to put some guy in situations and she'll be entertained for the rest of her life.