the tired one

Danny: Your worst nightmare

Bruce: Alfred getting married!?

Danny: .... I was going to say, I'm the boy you failed to save coming back to haunt you, but you know what? I'll do that instead.

Bruce: Do what?

Danny: Get your butler married

Bruce: Alfred would never marry a child

Danny: True, but he might be tempted by someone's rabid 25-year-old son!

Bruce: What?

Danny is making a quick phone call: Dan! I need you to come seduce a silver fox as an act of vengeance.

Dan: How silver are we talking?

Danny: If someone found this silver in a yard sale, they would make twenty million off of two dollars.

Dan: HOT DAMN THAT'S SOME GOOD SILVER. I'LL BE THERE SOON

Danny hanging up: You have a few days to make peace with this, Wayne. Soon, my brother will be your stepfather

Danny(23) owns a petting zoo/animal rescue a few miles outside of Gotham. he has some animals from all walks of life; reputable breeders, other rescues, kill shelters, hoarding situations, breeding mills, ect. Be it dogs, to sheep, to goats, to snakes, to lizards, ro hamsters, to chinchillas, and much more- hes got a little bit of eveything. He makes sure they all have the right set ups, and can live as idealy as possible.

Damian(9) hears about this place and of course needs to check it out. Obviously, he needs to make sure the animals are taken care of and nothing else. And Damian just, immediately falls in love with the place. All the animals are so happy and healthy and the information packets are so well put together and accurate! He is disappointed that nobody is allowed to meet the animals in recovery, but he also knows its for the animals health and safety, which he appreciates. Hes impressed, and decides Danny just has to be his new father.

Bruce(34) thought taking Damian to the petting zoo/rescue would be a nice father/son bonding thing- he did not expect his 9 year old to then try and wingman him to the petting zoo owner, who, might Bruce add, is 10 years his junior!

Bruce: I would be very mad

Tim: Yeah, but how much is that? Say, from a scale of 1 to 10?

Bruce: Depends on what the rule was.

Tim: Right. Thats fair information to ask for. Okay, so I broke the rules-

Bruce: Was that a s at the end of the rule? As in plural?

Tim: *sigh* I cloned myself, and the other parent knows I'm Red Robin.

Bruce: ....what

Tim: But! But you're a grandpa! Meet Thomas Drake-Wayne, Tommy for short. I was named after his great-grandfather. *Holds up baby*

Tommy: *Toothless smile of a three-month-old*

Bruce crying: He's beautiful! Hello Tommy. Hello darling. I'm your grandpa!

Tim: So from 1 to 10 you're at a-?

Bruce: Who's the other parent? *cradling the baby*

Tim:....Phantom

Bruce: I'm at a 20.

Tim: But-! You're holding the baby! How can you be mad while holding the cutest baby in the world!

Bruce: This is the cutest baby in the world, and he's in the clear, but you? You broke two of the most important rules in this household, and with Phantom of all people?

Tim: He's a nice guy!

Bruce: He's a delinquent!

Tim: So are we! We break the law every night!

Bruce: I would disown you if it didn't mean losing Tommy. Your branch hasn't been sawn off from the family tree because of this little guy. Remember that.

Tim: I named him after your father.

Bruce: In a pathetic attempt to distract me from you cloning yourself with that delinquent. I bet you told him who you were when you two were kissing on the gargoyle over by Old Gotham. I'm even more horrified to say you might have gone further than that.

Tim: ....how did you guess that?

Bruce: I have a camera there. I had to throw the monitor and processor into the bath when I saw you two.

Tim: What?!

Bruce: *points* Whore. Now if you excuse me, I have to go buy a entire baby store for this little guy. Yes. I do yes I do!

Tommy: *Baby babbles*

Bruce: Yes.

Danny floating through the front door: You didn't give me the signal. What happened?

Tim: The sucking up didn't work.

Bruce when he has to eventually hand Tommy over to someone else to continue scolding Tim only to see Phantom is holding a little girl, not as young as Tommy but still toddler aged.: Who is that?

Phantom turns to Bruce a bit worried but pushes thru regardless.: First of all please don’t be mad at Red I’m the who asked him for help. if you have to be angry at someone let it be me. Tho I’d do the same thing a thousand times over if it meant saving them. Angry Bat or no.

Bruce: *grunts for continue*

Phantom: During my first year as a hero my enemy Vlad Plasmius cloned me. He was tired of me refusing to join him and become his perfect son. So he decided to make one. Problem is Halfas like us are super difficult to clone and even harder to create naturally. Out of all the attempts only one was decently stable. *raises the sleeping girl up a bit so he can readjust his hold*

Vlad named her Danielle or Dani with an I, and sent her to capture me saying she needed to help him so he could finish stabilizing her. He was of course lying he never had any intention of saving her, luckily a new Fenton invention was able to save for for a time being. Problem is over the years it became less and less effective. Time was running out so at the suggestion of clockwork I asked Red for help. He showed me his cloning equipment from when you were lost in the time stream and we got to work trying to save not just Dani but also create a new body for a future version of myself from a destroyed timeline that lost everyone we loved. Becoming Tommy is essential his new chance on life. Clockwork warn me he will one day remember so to do my best to raise him well.

Anyway me and Red got close working together on this and that’s how we started dating, I revealed my identity and status as half Dead first and Tim decided to do the same as a sign of trust. That’s when he had the idea of trying to better stabilize them by one not aging them up and letting them grow naturally but adding a second set of DNA, his to be exact.

"...What?" Flash asks, protein bar halfway to his mouth. He's in the cafeteria of the Watchtower, and he's not the only one with his eyes pinned to the TV.

"I'm not sure I understand, Linda, can you clarify what they mean by that?" The male reporter asks, smile strained.

"Certainly, Todd. The Infinite Realms has stated that they do not believe that the United States of America is a real country, and as such, will not seek to make any deals or treaties with them."

Wonder Woman raises an eyebrow, leaning back in her seat.

"Then...then what do they think America is?" Todd asks from the TV, sounding a little desperate.

"Apparently, they view America as 'a collection of toddlers that bathe in money pretending like they own the world'."

Honestly? Power move would be to recognize the Tribes. Since according to THIER(Infinite Realms) records? They were there first. Sorry guys! You're illegal immigrants. We only recognize the RIGHTFUL governments of this land.

"That appears to be correct Todd."

"Then what, exactly, do they think is in-between Native lands? The ocean?"

"Apparently, as I clearly stated before, they believe it's a no mans land infested with toddlers that bathe in money and pretend they own the world."

"That doesn't make any sense!"

I DO NOT OWN THESE CHARACTERS OR THEIR WORLDS. I DO NOT INTEND TO MAKE MONEY WITH THIS POST. IF THIS POST IS ON TIKTOK, INSTAGRAM, YOUTUBE, OR ANYTHING OTHER THAN TUMBLR I DID NOT CONSENT TO THAT.

Batman does not stop pointing his batarang at the woman in front of him. He has no idea who she is, even if she did allude that he should.

She picks up on it and lets out a pained sigh, rubbing the bridge of her nose. Or rather, she rubs where the nose connector to her goggles is, as she's wearing a blue hazmat suit and it's a little impossible to see her full face.

"I sent you letters," she says, exasperated. "Did you not get the letters?"

He had gotten the letters, actually; threatening ramblings clearly indicating that they knew who he was, what he was, and where all of his children were.

The woman adjusted so that her hands were on her hips, and Batman thought it was a little unfair that it felt like he was about to be scolded.

"Jack messed up writing the letters again, didn't he?"

"...What were they supposed to say?" Batman asks, needing further information.

"You know how to wrangle high energy kids that insist on being heroes," the woman explains, starting to pace. "I have a high energy son that insists on being a hero, and he's got the power set to back it up. That same power set makes any attempts we do to stop him meaningless, and we've moved to Gotham, so I'd rather not have my son unsupervised."

Batman isn't sure what this has to do with him. He tells her as much.

"Jack and I have agreed that in instances like this, we should ask for help, but since we don't have family that's willing or able to assist, we need someone else, someone that's trustworthy, unlike Vlad," she points at Batman, and he finds that the batarang he'd unknowingly lowered comes up again in a defensive position. "And you have experience with helping raise a meta child vigilante, we've seen it with Signal. So, we clearly need a third parent! We need you to adopt our son and become his second father!"

"This is a terrible idea," Batman says. "Any child I've taken under my wing has died..."

"Danny's already dead, you're clear there."

"Wait, he's what?"

*by "pre-screening", i typically mean any sort of behavior that exists on a spectrum of "actually watching/playing/reading the thing before you played it" to "doing any sort of research on it before letting you watch it".

Danny only realizes years later that everyone on Earth thinks he died in a blizzard or some freak whiteout incident. So he just… rolls with it. It’s honestly convenient—especially after he finally told his parents everything, and they realized their portal was the reason the meaner ghosts kept showing up. (“Oh! Oops! Sorry!”) They slammed it shut immediately.

Now they’re way too excited about studying ghost culture like wildlife biologists observing a tiger—clipboard, camera, whispered commentary and all. Danny absolutely prefers “being filmed while eating steak to see if he grows fangs” over the other option of being dissected, so it’s fine. And his ghost buddies? Completely delighted to have an audience for their weekly “friendly” brawls.

This unfortunately spirals.

Because the Justice League, hearing “died in a blizzard,” seeing that he rarely uses ice powers on missions, and noticing he gravitates to warm environments, assume he has a massive cold-related trauma trigger. Obviously he must… fear ice. Avoid ice. Be weakened by ice. (He is literally the Ice Prince of the Infinite Realms, but okay.)

So they start assigning his missions strategically—only warm climates. Tropical recon. Desert patrols. Undersea volcano monitoring. Anything to avoid “accidentally triggering his tragic snow-related death memory.”

Which is how Danny ends up being the one they send to Mercury.

At first he’s hyped—close to the sun, cool space suit, awesome photos. But then the suit starts beeping, and Danny has the slow, dawning realization of:

“Oh no. I’m literally melting.”

Back on Earth, the League reacts exactly how you’d expect:

Absolute panic. Alarms. People yelling. Batman demanding to know why the kid with the supposed ‘Cold Trauma Weakness’ is on the closest planet to a star. Hal swearing it wasn’t his idea. Superman already halfway to Mercury before the meeting even starts. Constantine just lighting a cigarette and muttering, “Told ya he wasn’t scared of snow, ya muppets.”

And Danny? Danny’s just sitting there in orbit, steaming like a microwaved marshmallow, trying not to die again, and texting the group chat:

“WHY WOULD YOU THINK I’M WEAK TO COLD??”

“YOU LITERALLY DIED IN A SNOWSTORM.” – Wonder Woman

“Yes good”

“AND EAT THE BAD ONES”

“Wait no”

“EAT THEM”

You better watch out

You better watch out

Danny Fenton had lived a life far too strange for someone who wasn’t even twenty.

He’d died at fourteen, come back with ghost powers, fought his own evil future self, and somehow survived high school. By nineteen, he thought the universe had finally decided to leave him alone.

Then Clockwork showed up holding a tiny, furious, three-year-old version of Dan.

A toddler with glowing red eyes. A toddler who could melt doorknobs with a tantrum. A toddler who refused to be put to bed unless Danny lay beside him and hummed off-key lullabies.

Clockwork placed Dan into Danny’s arms like handing someone a baby tiger and announced, “Rehabilitation is most effective with early intervention. Congratulations, Daniel. You’re a father now.”

And just… left.

Danny stood there, a nineteen-year-old ex-ghost hero, cradling a three-year-old who—at full power—could disintegrate continents.

Then the toddler nuzzled into his shirt and drooled on him.

Meanwhile, in the Future

Flash arrived in a timeline of smoldering ash, the sky split and warped like reality had been pulled apart by giant claws. The ruins of cities stretched for miles, scorched down to the bones.

The only name whispered by the trembling survivors:

Dan.

A great evil. A monster in a fake human form.

Flash barely escaped with his life. Glowing red eyes haunted him. He sprinted back to the present, heart pounding, mind racing.

Dan was coming.

He had to warn everyone.

The Justice League Meeting

Flash burst into the Watchtower, panting.

“GUYS—WORLD—ENDING—DAN—EVIL—HELP!”

Batman narrowed his eyes. “Slow down.”

Superman gently placed a hand on Flash’s shoulder. “Take a breath.“

Flash didn’t.

“Some guy named Dan destroys the entire planet in the future! I don’t know who he is—I don’t know what he looks like—all I know is that he’s powerful enough to wipe out the League, several times over!”

“Cause?” Batman asked immediately.

Flash hesitated. “No idea. But… It sounded personal. Emotional. Like something broke him.”

That got everyone’s attention.

A being strong enough to unmake the world… driven by heartbreak?

Not ideal.

The League spread out their intel teams.

They dug through databases.

They searched for the name Dan.

Nothing.

But if there was going to be an apocalypse child, they swore they’d find him.

Protection Detail: Beginning Unknowingly

Danny, meanwhile, was living his best low-budget college life.

He was taking night classes, working part-time at a ghost-free café, and raising a toddler who called him “Dada” in a surprisingly demonic tone when cranky.

Dan clung to him constantly—shirt, leg, arm—like Danny was a portable emotional support human.

Danny didn’t mind.

It was weirdly… nice.

One day Danny stopped at a park so Dan could feed ducks without accidentally overshadowing them. Dan's control over his powers was a bit wonky with the de-ageing.

Flash spotted them first.

And immediately froze when he heard the older black haired man call the toddler Dan. and he saw the todllers eyes flash that terrifying Red.

That’s Dan! That’s the world-ender! And that’s—who is that holding him?

Then Dan stretched his arms out toward Danny and chirped, “Dadaaa!”

And Danny scooped him up with the kind of fond exasperation usually reserved for parents of clingy toddlers.

Flash’s brain did a barrel roll.

Oh god. Oh no. It’s his father. Something happens to his father—that’s what makes future Dan snap!

Flash vanished in a streak of lightning to warn the League.

Screw finding Dan—he’d already found the key.

They needed to protect… the dad.

Within 24 Hours:

—Superman began casually “flying by” Danny’s route to class.

—Wonder Woman “coincidentally” started getting coffee from the shop where Danny worked.

—Batman installed surveillance drones around Danny’s apartment building. (Tim removed the ones Batman missed because they were too obvious, but left the rest. Just in case.)

—Green Lantern offered Danny free rides whenever his car wouldn’t start.

—Martian Manhunter shapeshifted into an elderly neighbor “who needed help carrying groceries,” just so Danny wouldn’t go anywhere alone.

Danny thought Gotham had been weird.

This was weirder.

People were so nice here.

He told Dan, “Wow, buddy. Metropolis is so friendly!”

Dan, perched on his hip and eating Cheerios out of a plastic container, nodded seriously. “Fwiendwy.”

Sure, he still sometimes hissed at Superman (instinct?), but Superman didn’t take it personally.

He learned to carry candy.

Dan could be bribed.

The League’s Strategy

Batman presented the new tactical plan:

Operation Keep-Danny-Alive-So-His-Son-Doesn’t-End-the-World

Superman raised a hand. “Shouldn’t we also… help him? Parent?”

Batman glared. “I am helping.”

“By installing laser grids in his kitchen?”

“He leaves the stove on.”

Flash nodded vigorously. “He DOES.”

Green Lantern sighed. “Guys, we aren’t co-parenting. We’re literally the Justice League.”

Everyone looked at him.

Cyborg raised a brow. “Bro, we already are.”

Danny Notices Something Weird

One morning Danny opened his apartment door to find a basket full of:

diapers

toddler toothpaste

superhero-themed onesies

and a note that read: “You’re doing great.” – A Friend

Danny blinked.

“…Huh.”

Dan climbed into the basket like a cat and declared, “MINE.”

The Big Misunderstanding

The League formed rotating shifts.

Superman covered mornings.

Flash afternoons.

Batman nights (and early mornings… and midday… honestly he never left).

Wonder Woman took weekends and taught Danny self-defense “for fun.”

Danny remained convinced he’d just become very popular.

Dan adored the attention.

His favorite was Superman, because Superman lifted him high into the air and didn’t even cry when Dan bit him the first time.

But the League kept their distance from Dan’s future identity.

Never reveal what he becomes.

Never scare him.

Never show fear.

Flash repeated to himself: He’s just a toddler. Just a toddler. Just a—please stop melting your spoon—just a toddler.

The Inevitable Moment

One afternoon Danny crouched down, fixing Dan’s little red hoodie.

“You okay, buddy?”

Dan nodded, arms already raised to be picked up. Danny lifted him, pressing a kiss to his forehead.

Three tiny ghostly giggles escaped the kid.

Then—

A crackle of lightning. a Boom of thunder and a downpour of rain that had Danny giggling.

Flash froze mid-step.

Batman stepped in front of them instinctively.

Superman hovered, ready to intercept anything.

Because Dan’s eyes glowed red for just a moment.

Tiny, but unmistakable.

Dan looked around at the superheroes who were now half-circling them.

“…Hi,” he said shyly, burrowing into Danny’s shoulder.

Danny waved cheerfully at the crowd of extremely tense heroes. “Oh! Hey guys! Great day for a walk, right?”

Flash’s soul left his body.

He’s so… so… wholesome.

This is the guy we’re protecting? THIS CINNAMON ROLL?

Oh my god Future Dan definitely snapped because this sweet man died horribly—how do we PREVENT THAT—

Superman nodded solemnly. “Beautiful weather.”

Batman didn’t blink.

Wonder Woman stepped forward. “Danny, we’d be honored to… escort you home.”

Danny beamed. “Wow, you guys don’t have to be so nice!”

The League’s unified internal screaming reached the heavens.

And So…

Danny remained blissfully unaware of the global protection detail guarding him 24/7.

Dan remained clingy, chaotic, and weirdly polite to superheroes so long as he had snacks.

The League remained terrified of upsetting a toddler.

And Flash?

Flash prayed daily that whatever the cause of Dan’s future rampage that took his dad from him never happened…

Au where Jason just- never tells anyone that he’s Red Hood. They think he’s a normal guy who’s majoring in literature and goes to bed early, living with his astronomy major roommate (the family doesn’t know it’s his boyfriend) in an apartment close to Gotham U. The family could not be more thrilled that Jason “left the vigilante life.”

Danny obviously knows Jason is Red Hood. He helped build the helmet. He’s not minoring in engineering for nothing. Was he supposed to know? Well no but eventually it’s hard to hide that from the guy you share a laundry room with. He was cool with it. He was about the same size as Jason after he bulked up for Phantom work in highschool and he fully grew into him self so he borrows the suit sometimes when he goes to costume parties.

As you can imagine… this has caused some interesting conversations.

Red Robin: This is so fucking stupid! Ugh- *uses his bo staff to hit a goon like it’s a baseball bat*

Nightwing: Your telling me! *fighting off 2 goons at once* I’m starting to think Jason had the right idea.

Red Hood: Whose Jason? *shooting goons in the kneecaps like an asshole*

Red Robin: Our brother. *takes down the last goon*

Nightwing: He left the vigilante life. He’s probably tucked in bed right now. Lucky bastard.

Red Hood: Oh really- huh.

Nightwing: Yeah he’s going to college now. *smiles* I’m really proud of him.

Red Hood: Okay well I’m gonna go. *leaves, not wanting to deal with that*

……….

Red Hood: *sitting on a rooftop on patrol* Look D- Robin I don’t think it’s like- good for your identity to keep-

Robin: *ranting about his ahki who was so cool and smart* I tried to bleach the front of my hair once to match and Mother got so mad!

Red Hood: *remembers that vividly* Oh really….

……….

Nightwing on comms: Man I wish I could bulk up like Jason does like goddamn that would be so awesome.

Red Robin on comms: Isn’t your fighting style based on being nimble? How would bulking help with any of that

Nightwing on comms: It wouldn’t after an extent but a man can dream alright?

Robin on comms: You have a lot of dreams don’t you.

Red Hood on comms: *cackling* Everytime you guys mention this Jason guy you talk about him like he’s really hot.

Red Robin on comms: He’s actually really smart. Total reading wiz.

Red Hood on comms: *joking* Wow I’m swooning.

Now this would be all done and dandy if it weren’t for the fact that Steph happened to see Danny in the Red Hood coming home from a costume party. Jason had let him in since the key sometimes didn’t work and of course she jumped to conclusions.

Spoiler: *with red hood at a stakeout* Sooo…. Nightwing said you thought Jason was hot-

Red Hood: Sure. Yeah he’s hot. *not above complimenting himself*

Spoiler: Have you ever… met him?

Red Hood: *laughing* You could say that.

Spoiler: I fucking knew it.

Red Hood: Huh?

Next thing Jason knew, his family were all convinced he was sleeping with Red Hood and they wanted to meet his boyfriend.

Jason: Danny I need a favor.

Danny: What’s up

Jason: So my family thinks that I’m dating Red Hood.

Danny: *laughing* That’s- oh my god

Jason: I know! I know! *cackling* Can you put on my suit and pretend to be my boyfriend for dinner next week?

Danny: This is literally about to be the funniest shit we have ever done.

As you might expect, Jason realizes Danny looks *hot* as Red Hood and the dinner goes amazing.

When it starts inching towards finals season and Jason is writing his 10 page essays on the character arc of Mr Darcy, Danny starts going out as Red Hood so Jason can find time to sleep. Jason doesn’t know this. All he knows is that he doesn’t seem to have as much work to do outside of college right now and he’s not going to question a good thing.

Of course Jason eventually finds out and damn Danny is actually pretty good at it. He knows how to shoot and he’s got fighting skills to back it up. Little does Jason know is that it’s purely because of Danny’s teen ghost fighting. But all in all, there’s just 2 Red Hoods now. Most of the time it’s Jason and when he doesn’t wanna, Danny goes instead. It’s great.

Until one night Dick finds them making out on a rooftop they thought they were alone on, both in full Red Hood gear. It’s like he’s seeing double.

Nightwing: What the fuck-

Jason: Ah- um-

Danny: Fuck off Dickwing

Nightwing: Jason why are you dressed like Red Hood

Danny: uh-

Jason: *panicking* It’s a kink?

Danny: *pinches the bridge if his nose, knowing he’s gonna have to go along with it* Yup

Nightwing: I uh…. I was never here.