#dan phantom

"This is, like, fight fire with fire thing, you can't do that!" A tall, redhead girl throws her arms up, looking fed up with the conversation.

"Oh, I dunno, Jazz, it worked for me," the oldest of the teens offers with a smug grin, "Several times."

"That's different, though," the youngest girl catches up to him, wiggling her eyebrows, "You weren't fighting, really. You were burning down a pack of matches with a flamethrower."

The oldest one barks a laugh at that, and the redhead's — Jazz's — face sours.

"Can we please not compare the Justice League with a pack of matches?" Another boy, one that looks a lot like the other two (they could be triplets, if it wasn't for their very obviously different ages), cringes, rolling his eyes. "I feel like it's bad manners."

"Rich, coming from you," another girl in an alt-goth outfit deadpans, her eyes firmly down on her sketchbook, where she is furiously drawing something.

There's only one of them who doesn't actively partake in the argument — a black boy that is completely engrossed in whatever he is doing on his tablet as he follows Constantine on autopilot. The man himself doesn't speak up either, just leads them all through the corridors and towards the main control room.

It's only when they are a few feet away from the entrance that someone finally comes back to their senses, and Batman stands in their way, making the group halt. The youngest girl collides into the redhead's back, which sparks another wave of arguments.

"Constantine," the man says, and it's not really a polite greeting, but it's not much displeased either. If anything, Batman sounds a bit confused.

"Hi," the magician deadpans back. "I'm about to stop your monthly apocalypse event, so do you mind?" He waves his hand, like asking Batman to scoot over.

"You are about to stop the apocalypse?" The middle 'triplet' lifts an eyebrow pointedly. John rolls his eyes.

"Fine, the tiny terrors team are about to stop it. Semantics," he amends. The goth girl grimaces, making a so-so gesture, but none of them voice any other complaints, instead going back to arguing.

"Remind me, why did we even let you out of the thermos, Dan?"

"Because I'm inevitable, my darling sister. Also, I'm a charm."

"Was that a fucking Thanos reference?"

"You're so not allowed to make it, considering that you're the only one who's never dealt with the Reality Gauntlet."

"What's a Reality Gauntlet?"

"Oh, right, Dani hasn't seen it either."

"Wait, you're telling me the Infinity Stones are real? I want them."

"Great job, Tucker, you've revived the evil in him!"

"Technically, you can't revive shit about Dan. Or you, for that matter. Physically impossible."

"Considering our whole deal with 'impossible', I wouldn't be taking any chances. And, no, the Infinity Stones are not real-"

"Anymore."

"-you can't have any in any case. It's forbidden candy for you."

Constantine takes a deep breath in, tapping his fingers over the pocket where he keeps his cigarettes, but otherwise stays calm and completely, utterly done with the lot behind his back.

"Who are they?" Batman asks after a long pause. Somehow, that makes the argument stop, and all the kids and teens turn to stare at the man, unblinking. Constantine sighs, loud and clearly aching for something alcoholic and strong.

"In the order of descension," he points his finger, "Dan, the evil overlord from another timeline, but don't worry, he's fine, Jazz, the totally human older sibling who we keep around because she's the only one with braincells, Danny, the- you know, I'm not even sure where to start with you."

"My parents are chaotic good mad scientists, and I turned out to be a true neutral local hero," said Danny shrugs, which causes the others to snicker and hide their laughter with coughing.

"I'd say Jazz is the true neutral, and you're chaotic stupid, but alright," the black boy says quietly, and the goth girl elbows him with a huff.

"You've never even played DnD. I did, though, and I can expertly say that Jazz is lawful neutral."

"She's broken three laws — that I know of — this week," the boy argues, but his friend just shrugs.

"The fact that you don't know what law she follows doesn't mean she isn't following it."

Constantine doesn't seem to pay attention to it — and it looks like he does it on purpose — and keeps going, "Okay, then, Danny is the small town hero with a taste for drinking acid, Sam over there is an angry and rather vocal Wednesday Addams, Tucker is short for tech-fucker-"

"Hey!"

"Language!" Jazz makes an offended gasp, but John doesn't bat an eye.

"-and Dani is what happens when you give human form to a baking soda volcano." Then, the magician turns to look at Batman again. The man doesn't seem satisfied, though, so John grimaces, looks up to the ceiling, muttering something that sounds way too much like a prayer, and adds:

"They are my nephews. And nieces, I suppose. Can you step aside now so they can save the day and I can put them back home before their mad scientist parents notice?"