She Who Loved

Of all the letters and the poems I’ve written for you, I never imagined there would be a time I’d be writing this. I always thought that you’d be the one all my stories will bleed for. I always thought you’d be the one my heart would beat for. I never thought that the day would come when you’d be the subject of my goodbye. But I guess love works like that. I guess life works like that. You meet…

I came out from almost six years of a toxic and abusive marriage. There were lots of fighting, shouting, humiliating, insulting, drinking, breaking stuff, cheating, and at some points – life-threatening circumstances. Surely, I could have left on the first sign of abuse, but I did not. And I could name a thousand of reasons why I didn’t, but ultimately it all boiled down to one thing – I was…

I know you’re confused right now. You don’t know what you’re feeling and you don’t know how you should feel. But take it one day at a time. The thing with life is you don’t have to have it all figured out now. You can take time in understanding where you are and where you’re heading to. I know you might get sad about being left behind. You might question your worth because you were left by that…

Random note to myself (Anti-Hero inspired)

I walked around with my bare soul, desperately looking for a place to heal. As if the world owed me anything, I sought and fought for healing. And in every place that I don’t heal I mark it in my mind to be “not good enough.” This is how I lived over the past year and honestly, it brought me nothing but tired feet and drained soul. Coming out of a five-year emotionally and mentally exhausting…

I was always told that we only accept the love we think we deserve. And for years of my life, I have only accepted the bare minimum because I honestly thought that was what I deserved. I was never allowed to ask why messages came too late and came too rare. I was never allowed to ask if I was loved or if I was pretty. I was never allowed to demand for more time more than what I was given. For…

More than a hundred times

My mind used to be so clouded with fearsWith questions that I may be forever scared to askBut when you came in my life I foundAll the answers in between your laughter and your smiles You calm my soul and found my heartWithout a doubt, you changed my life.Because in you I found the answersAll without ever needing to ask I am found, I am safeFrom all the insecurities from my battle scarsI am…

Sorry, I remembered you.

I forgive myself for remembering you. I forgive myself for remembering the time when we held hands while we were walking one cold November night. Your jacket was hanging around my shoulders and you were telling me how it was the best night of your life. Your hand was rough and it was warm. It was perfect. It was a constant reminder how strong you were, and yet so comforting. The way you held…

We are over. Forever.

“Time heals all wounds” is probably the biggest scam I have ever heard in my life. I have been walking down the road where we used to walk together for probably the hundredth time since you left and it still hurts like the first time. The sound of the leaves that brushed against each other was like the anthem of the day you finally decided to leave. And every second that it played its melody…

A letter to a friend who took his life

I hope you found your answers at the bottom of every bottle that accompanied you through the nights of uncertainty. And I hope that every cigarette butt that lies messily in your overly filled ashtray heard your stories and your sobs and your hopes and dreams. I hope that it all gave you a sense of comfort somehow. A sense of comfort that only I could wish I was able to give you.

How long will I…

My dearest pumpkin, I am writing you this letter with the hopes that you will never have to write the same letter to your future daughter. I hope that you will never have to sit on your bed at 4 AM re-thinking all your life choices, asking yourself where you went wrong, asking yourself if you deserve everything that’s been going on in your life. I hope you will never have to be a mess that I…

Burning Bridges

I was told I was fat. I said sorry and I stopped eating. I was told I was too loud. I said sorry and I stopped speaking. I was told I was not good enough. I said sorry and I just stopped trying. I said sorry until there was nothing left, like it was the only thing I could ever do. Like it was the only thing that was left for me to do. There was nothing I could offer in this world. My smile is…

Her Beauty Comes With Free Extra Inches

She is beautiful. There are no buts, no ifs. She is beautiful. She is beautiful with every curve of her body, may it be the extra flabs and the extra love handles. She is beautiful because she knows how to be beautiful. She is beautiful because she shows the world that no one is perfect but everyone has their own light. Everyone comes in different shapes and sizes and she will not deprive herself…

It was by faith that I found you, It was by faith that I lost you

They lied. They lied when they said you don’t know what you have until you lose it. They lied hard. Because I knew. I knew what I had when I had you.

I knew that I had my true love. I knew what you were worth, and maybe even more so. I knew that I had the man I wanted to grow old with. The man I wanted to build a family with. The man I would always be in love with. I knew I was with the man I…

There’s no other way of saying this – I just want to be a mom. I can try to be poetic, I can try to write rhymes with perfectly written lines, but it won’t sound as perfect and as honest as, “I want to be a mom”. I want to be called a ‘mother’ by a tiny human being who would take on me and my loving partner one way or another. I want someone to call me mother, I want someone to call me her best…

I look at him and I see love. The kind of love that deserves to be told in every story to unfold in every piece of a million year old masterpiece. I look at him and I see truth. I see truth in every silver lining of every cloud casted over me. I see truth in every promises of every hearts beating. I look at him and I see strength, I see trust, I see days, and I see nights. And I see love. I look…

Thank you for making my 2016 the best year of my life

For more than a year, Dongwoo had been my best friend. We laugh together, we insult together and each other, we travel and try new things together, and love each other a little more every day, or at least we thought we did. Or I thought we did. For more than a year, he was the first person I always thought of when good or terrible things happen to me. He’s the person I first think of when I have…