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The U.S. Department of Health & Human Services released a 275-page report Monday blaming the increasing failure rate of American marriages on Clearwater, FL, 11-year-old Tommy Breyer.

According to the study, in addition to being the cause of his own parents’ 1995 divorce, Breyer is also to blame for the breakup of more than 1.2 million couples each year.

“Because Tommy was not loving enough, or perhaps because he was not good enough,” the report stated, “American marriages are now failing at an unprecedented rate.”

Dismissing news of the 70-story skyscraper as a “hit job” manufactured by the mainstream media, President Donald Trump downplayed Thursday the significance of a Trump Tower found on Little St. James, the island once owned by the late child predator Jeffrey Epstein. “Look, there’s a lot of buildings with my name on it, one of which just so happen to be on Jeffrey Epstein’s island,” said Trump, who accused Democrats and news outlets of attempting to gin up a controversy over the immense luxury hotel emblazoned with his name that sits on the private island’s beachfront, the top floor of which was reportedly rented out to an organization called Pedophile Industries to use as a headquarters.