Craigslist Colonics

it's 11 weeks today until my vacation. I checked and holy lack of self-care batman, it's my first actual leaving the house/city/province vacay in over 20yrs.

I'll never be the guy who posts selfies

I would like to continue to be anonymous on the Interwebs

because obviously when you're as rich and famous as I

Patience.

dear lord they use up kleenex like you wouldn't believe

same for toilet paper

did I mention patience?

a strong stomach (you will come across SMELLS)

diplomacy

no really, patience is not optional

you're out of kleenex again? I just bought four boxes three days ago!

no matter what, it was always better "in my day"

make sure they're iPad-knowledgeable. Just plug 'em in with a few episodes of [insert senior-friendly show here] and you've got an hour break... maybe

you will learn to hide the sweets. Because all they want are sweet things

seriously, you think I'm joking about patience?

never asking open-ended questions again

seeing things you did not want to see

and most importantly what I have learned is no matter how well intentioned, no matter how prepared you think you are... you are NOT ready for how entitled, opinionated, nasty, tender, childish, ridiculous, heartbreaking, sad, frustrating, hilarious, depressing and hard it is. Getting old ain't easy and if you're lucky enough to have a parent who accepts that gracefully then good! My parent is bitching, complaining and generally making EVERY. STEP. THE. MOST. DIFFICULT. SHE. CAN. POSSIBLY. MAKE. IT.

Hello.

things you won't care about: I completed my 2nd full body workout today. The one designed for me by a trainer that I paid with real money.

Is it an easy workout? fuck no. Did I feel like dealing with the snowstorm and power outages and crazy morning gym people? nope.

But I'm doing it anyway. Even if that stupid asshole spend 32minutes sitting on the leg press machine checking his grindr until the gym supervisor came and kicked him off.

working out hard, having hard defined legs and...

my ass is widdle white boy butt.