Rites of Bastard

hey babe im gonna be home late tonight do you mind picking up dinner. yeah sorry the king has us working over time, some fuckin egghead sat on the wall and had a GREAT fall. we've got all the men working on this but idk if we're gonna be able to put him back together again. yeah we've tried the horses. ok bye love you.

using my christian baby to hold down some papers but then the rapture happens :/

Teaching the baby ADVANCED TECHNIQUES

let's get fucking WRECKED by mama

“Why would you stop in hell?” has changed my brain chemistry

sometimes you go down the rabbithole of online kink so far you have people being like “you think inner ear oviposition is a ‘weird’ kink? wait until you hear the nasty shit i, a real pervert, am into” and blog posts that are like “it’s so hard to find someone to dig a nine foot deep hole with when all the doms i can find want to dig a five foot deep hole max :/“ and then you remember that a sizeable portion of the population consider liking anal to be freaky

I try to microwave Mickey Mouse to make a statement on corporate greed but I accidentally grabbed the Kingdom Hearts version of him out of my unethically small Cage of Mickeys and now he's flipping around dodging the beams like Yoda fucked an ant

I guess the biggest problem with tentacle porn is that it seldom has a positive message

Thought this was based as fuck for like 1.5 second until I realized it was meant in the sense of "two planes wasn't enough to stop big boy america is that all you got? 😈😈😈" and not in the sense of "the U.S.A. deserves a million more 9/11s"

''i wasted those years'' who cares. you lived the only life you could've lived in those moments

Rupaul really did eat down with that “get down off the cross sis we could use the wood” tweet because like yeah we really could