I’m Not Dead I Only Dress That Way

"i get a little bit genghis khan" was such a strange and delightful thing to say in a pop song

WTF this is masterful, 10/10.

Other people have said this in notes, but the Bulwer-Lytton contest involves writing the most absurd opener you can think of and submitting it to the contest. It's not a judgment like the Razzies or the bad sex in books award or something; it's a game. Diana Murtaugh of Baltimore is to be congratulated for this win.

the sewing machine is like if a horse and an inkjet printer had a child

your ex is a narcissist? so he must struggle with close friendships, right--oh, he's respectful to his male friends? he only acts this way around women? that's crazy, they should invent a word for such a phenomenon

no wait babe please im not like those other tumblr wizards i swear

Lay waste to his pussy with torch and sword

rb and tag your favorite song that's not in english, japanese or korean

i hate when a book describes a pause as pregnant. get your dick out of the pause

re: the notes on this post, even though I have only seen the four Matrix movies and not the rest of the Wachowski sisters' filmography, I can 100% with absolute certainty guarantee that there is not a single movie or television that they've made which was bad, it's a fact and you can disagree all you want if you think they made a bad project it's simply because your brain is not calibrated enough to understand it, ergo you were too stupid to get it AND it was too smart for you at the same time

3. you can also pretend you’re a deep sea predator pretending to be aquatic plant life drifting in the currents to attract prey

Kids today need to learn how to pull the evil taffy.

4. Brush away the spiderwebs in the vast and mysterious crypt you're exploring

I just saw an acquaintance use "👖🛝" in place of the word genocide and. like. at what point are we going to decide that this kind of self-censorship is too degrading to abide anymore.

"grape" "sewer-slide" "the panini" I feel like I'm surrounded by Rugrats who overheard the grown ups talking about the news.

I'm tired of seeing people excuse algospeak because "corporations are making us do it." Why are we all letting them do that. The Internet is real life. Get mad about it.

Actually, no, I don't think that friendships dropping like flies in your late 20s and early 30s because no one has time for that between overwork and family obligations and marriage and kids and partners and the ritual of the time slayer is normal and ok. No I don't think deep conversations and spontaneous adventures being replaced with a tired coffee every six months is a normal part of growing up. I don't think that emotional intimacy and soul bonds disintegrating in the face of practical inconvenience is a fact of life. I think that means something is deeply deeply wrong with our society and I will never forgive it for the friends I've lost