Madcap Adventures

Hawai’ian Experiences

Travelling to new destinations provides personal and cultural enrichment. For me, the food, beverages and supermarkets of places I visit are of particular interest. 

Molé and mezcal were fascinating discoveries for me in Mexico last year, banh xeo and Ba Ba Ba (333) beer brought a smile to my face in Vietnam, and the masala dosa, satay and curries consumed across Malaysia was a delicious way to explore the multicultural diversity of the country.

My expectation before arriving in Hawai’i was to find fresh flavours derived from tropical produce, Pacific Ocean seafood and Japanese influences.

We did find these things, yet the true story of Hawai’ian cuisine is really all about Spam and pineapple, oh and occasionally some poi or taro.

Caption: Hawai’ians truly love their Spam.

Shredded Spam salads, Spam Musubi, Spam and eggs, Spam and noodles, Spam on pizzas and Hawai’ian Steaks, or cooked Spam - just a few of the ways you can order and enjoy Spam on any of the Hawai’ian islands.

Caption: Spam Musubi is available every where. Even at the gas station. It’s essentially sushi with Spam.

About six million cans of Spam are consumed in Hawai’i each year. 

Why, you may ask? Hawai’i is a significant military base for the United States. Spam is a processed meat originally made to feed the armed forces during conflict, therefore Spam became an easy to access, easy to store and easy to cook solution for Hawai’i’s Chinese, Japanese and Filipino communities who were trying to re-establish their lives on the islands after World War Two.

As a pescatarian, I chose not to indulge in any Spam items on offer, but I did eat a great deal of pineapple. Mostly for breakfast. Or as a snack. And sometimes for dinner.

And until Saturday, I was very prepared to share with you a great tale about the Hawai’ian poké bowl. This was the best gourmet discovery of the trip - that is, until a tuna poké sent me over the edge of pain and discomfort on my last night in Waikiki. So I am not going to share too much with you about poké, except for this one image:

Caption: The once loved poké bowl. Never to be consumed by me again... ever.

Despite some little gems of discovery, the essential truth about Hawai’ian cuisine is just how uninspiring it is. 

Yes, this is coming from an Australian. Talking to some Americans, they just love to eat in Hawai’i. But then much of the food to be found in Hawai’i is American in style - big, bland, processed and full of fat. Burgers, sandwiches, Tex-Mex, hot dogs, pizza and weird things like ‘biscuits and sausages’ were prolific. 

Caption: Yup! Sausage Biscuits!??

One step into the grocery store and you can tell a lot about how people eat. Processed, packaged and minimal variety was the norm. 

Caption: I was intrigued by Walmart. American clients I used to work for in France would tell me all the time how wonderful it was to shop at Walmart. After my first time visit, I absolutely detest Walmart.

The exceptions out of all the food shopping experiences I had were: 

The Oahu Markets, Downtown Honolulu - the second biggest fresh food market in the United States behind Seattle (and it wasn’t very big).

The Tamura Store in Waianae, Oahu - only because it had a bit more variety. 

The Mana Store in Paia, Maui - an ultra-alternative store with so many choices of yoghurt it took me 20 minutes to find a cow’s milk, plain greek style. Great selections of health foods, fresh ready-to-eat meals and produce.

Safeway in Waikiki, Oahu - I was only here to get drugs thanks to the tuna poké bowl, but I was impressed by the presentation and variety.

In fact, we were so disappointed with the produce on offer in the supermarkets, we thought it best to collect food from road side stores. At home in Australia, this is an inexpensive way to get fabulously fresh food. In Oahu, this was definitely not the case. One avocado and one dragonfruit was $USD9.00!

Caption: Don’t buy from roadside stores. It’s a tourist trap, regardless of how much you love tropical fruit!

There were a couple of restaurants we really enjoyed. Herringbone in Waikiki and The Mill House in Maui, get special mentions - the best food I had in Hawai’i by far.

But the other option we enjoyed were food trucks - the service could be slow, the line-ups long, but the food was pretty good and definitely my recommendation to anyone exploring Hawai’i in future for best value.

Hawai’ian Encounters

Subject: Papa Manu

First Encounter: 12.24pm, 28 August 2018 - Hawai’ian Standard Time (HST)

Place of First Encounter: Hawai’ian Island Cafè, Waimanolo, Oahu

Hello, are you the owner of this café?

This is my daughter’s café. It’s my job to make sure all the pretty girls have flowers. 

What is your name?

My name is Manu but you can call me Papa. Papa Manu.

Oh thank you Papa Manu. Are you from Waimanalo?

Yes. This is my place. My family’s place. I came back here after my second wife died three years ago. 

Where were you before?

I was in the navy for 40 years but I like it back here. It’s quiet, I am near my family and I like to walk the beach at night time. I used to walk the beach on my own but now there are many visitors to this part of the island and sometimes they are on the beach at night too.

I had a girlfriend in Seattle and she wanted me to move there but I don’t want to leave Waimanalo. I have to help my daughter with the flowers and meet all the pretty girls.

You are very good at this role. Thank you for the flowers. 

Manu has a lot of love to give.

The menu at The Hawai’ian Island Café

Taro bagel and some damn good coffee, Hawai’ian style.

Blink and you’ll miss it on the Kalanianaole Highway in Waimanalo, Oahu.

Hawai’ian Experiences

Topic: Maunawili Falls Hike

Analysis: 

The first things you notice as you arrive in Honolulu are the tall buildings, the beaches of Waikiki, Diamond Head and the Ko’olau Mountain Range. The Ko’olau range stretches along the east coast of Oahu and it is particularly striking. The rugged ridgeline, lush green coverage of each peak and the steep drop of numerous waterfalls makes it look simply magical - like it was from another age or story book fantasy.

There are a number of ways to experience these mountains - stationary from a lookout, in a car driving along the Pali Highway or getting your boots on and going for a hike.

Ko’olau Mountain Range. Photo credit: All That’s Interesting.

On a day exploring Oahu, it was my suggestion for the three of us travelling in Hawai’i for two weeks, to get our boots on and hike through the mountain range to the Maunawili Falls - the first stop on a mystery road trip I created for me and my travelling companions.

Online research suggested it was a two to three mile trail and, “A nice hike through the jungle to great views of Kailua, Maunawilli Falls, and a swimming hole.”

What I didn’t research was the record rainfall Oahu had received for the month of August, particularly on the back of Hurricane Lane which had passed by the islands.

Finding the start of the trail was relatively easy. By using Maps.Me we plugged in the address Kelwina Street, Maunawili to come across the entry and this sign:

A short hike in on a well made track, it soon forks to the right along an eroded track with exposed tree roots, overhanging branches and dense jungle on either side.

The excitement of exploration soon became a little more tentative as the soft trail turned into thick, red mud.

I did offer to Sweet Pea and Squirrel the option to turn back, but as three headstrong women we persisted. And persisted. And persisted, until we began to wonder why had we persisted...?

Other questions began to arise. Sweet Pea began to think about how long she could survive without water (although there were lots of fresh water streams all around us...). Squirrel wondered if she might sink into the mud up to her armpits (the Squirrel is short). And I kept wondering what does it really mean if one of us gets Leptospirosis? Is this really likely?

After more than a mile of trudging through mud, we finally met a couple making the return journey. They assured us there was in fact a waterfall ahead and we were about halfway. 

This was where we crossed our first creek. It was a moment of reprieve from the seemingly endless mud. And we had three more creek crossings to go.

After a steady climb up and up, we came to another fork with no indication if we should go left or right. The views across to the east coast of Oahu were captivating so we took a moment before choosing the trail to the left.

The mud was unrelenting, the trail became more eroded at other sections and finally a turn to the left and a steep decline, brought us down to the next creek crossing and evidence Maunawili was within reach.

Then there it was. Maunawili falls and other mud-wrestling hikers.

A swim, a short rest and we tackled the mud track once again, returning to the car to clean off what mud we could, bagged up our shoes and changed ready for the next chapter of Kerrie’s mystery road trip.

Outcomes:

it took us three hours to walk 5km. This would normally take less than an hour. The mud, slipperiness and slow progress did present something of a challenge.

Challenges only help to create memories and stories. Apparently this didn’t resonate at the time.

Hawai’ian Encounters

Subject: Travelling Companion - Rebecca Swanson (aka Sweet Pea).

Q. Why do you think Hawai’ians love to wear camouflage as much as they do?

A. There is a strong military presence and history on Hawai’i. Maybe it’s a good alternative to an Hawaiian shirt. Not everyone wants to fit the stereotype. Or maybe they are just stuck in the eighties... they do live on island time.

Q. Can you explain your fascination with fire hydrants?

A. I find them very aesthetically pleasing. I am impressed by the different shapes and colours of hydrants here in Hawai’i. I’ve never seen a five hose hydrant before! 

[Background noise/comment from the Squirrel: “maybe its to do with the girth Becs?”]

Q. Tell us about the supermarket experiences of recent days?

A. My favourite was Walmart, just because of your reaction to Walmart. I’m bemused by why our host here in Makaha suggested the Waimanae Store over the Tamura Store. The Tamura Grocery Store is so much better.

I am disappointed by the number of Hawai’ian shirts available. The variety is a bit lacking. We’ve nearly been here a week and we don’t yet have a Hawai’ian shirt. Maybe we need to get camou shirts to be truly Hawai’ian?

[Note: We have since discovered the Mana Store in Paia. This was a clear favourite due to the huge diversity of good, healthy options and plenty of variety, not to mention the high proportion of surfie dudes shopping here].

Q. Did you learn something about yourself on the Maunawili hike?

A. Yes I learned if I ever go on a hike with you, I need to do some research. And pack some food and more water. I learned I can survive longer dehydrated than first thought.

Q. Have you developed a new appreciation of speed bumps in Hawai’i?

A. I’ve always had a good understanding of speed bumps from other locations I have experienced the speed bump (speed hump). I have developed a new appreciation for people who slow down for speed bumps.

Q. Do you think you get cankles because your legs are just too long?

A. Possibly. The blood has a long way to go and my ankles are just too far away from me.

Q. How do you rate the food and beverages of Hawai’i?

A. The cocktails are definitely good! But I haven’t been overly impressed by the food. A lot of it is unhealthy, American style food. it hasn’t been bad, just not super impressive. The beers are good.

Q. How do you suggest people experience the real Oahu?

A. Definitely by driving around the back streets of town looking for a dairy that doesn’t exist. Instead, finding a junk-yard suburb full of burnt out cars, scrap metal through out the streets, and watching Kerrie testing the shotgun readiness of the locals by getting stupidly close to the “Violators will be shot” signs in the area. 

The homeless camps all along the beaches and highways is also a pretty astounding sight to discover.

Hawai’ian Experiences

Topic: Hyatt Place Waikiki

Analysis:

Great location.

Good price.

Clean.

Incredibly slow elevators but this only gave me more time to chat to housekeeping staff, receive God’s blessing many times over and have a chuckle with the maintenance man.

Rubbish breakfast. Unless you like stodgy American food and pineapple. Thankfully I like pineapple.

Great size room. Big comfortable beds, not that I would know as I enjoyed the lumpy, creaky sofa bed. Just call me generous.

Very small bathroom.

Fantabulous views.

The wall of orchids was a nice touch. Made my stay.

Outcome:

I would probably stay here again simply for the awesome location and easy comfort.

Hawai’ian Encounters

Subject: Kiko

Nationality: Japanese

Occupation: Driver for Charley’s Cabs

Place of Residence: Honolulu, Oahu, Hawai’i

First Encounter: 12.26pm Saturday, 25 August 2018 - Hawai’ian Standard Time (HST)

Place of First Encounter: In an underground carpark.

What brought you to Hawai’i Kiko?

I like the weather. Very nice all of the time. I have friends here. And my family. But no kids. Just animals. I have many cats.

How long have you lived here Kiko?

I have been here five years. I go home to Japan sometimes. My mother still lives there.

Is there something I really should know about Hawai’i?

Hawai’ian people very much like dogs. I think 80 percent of Hawai’ians have a dog. Big dogs. Not little dogs. 

They sit up in the front passenger seat, while all the family sits in the back. A big dog in the front seat.

Where should I go while I am in Honolulu?

Right here is the hospital. This is where President Obama was born. Right here. You can visit this hospital.

And what about the food in Honolulu Kiko?

Oh you need to go to Leonard’s Bakery. They do a very good donut. But no donuts today. They are closed because of the Hurricane. But very very popular.

Hawai’ian Experiences

Topic:  Hawaiian Airlines

Analysis:

• Very relaxed.

• Questions about hurricanes received a 'shrug of the shoulders’ response.

• The pilot was so chill over the Public Announcement system, I wasn’t even sure he knew where we were going.

• Comfortable. Got some good snooze time.

• Entertainment a little limited but scored big points for three Wes Anderson options. I chose his latest film ‘Isle of Dogs’ for a good giggle.

• Only negative, food offer not so inspiring and wrapped in a lot of plastic. I dislike plastic.

Outcome:

• I was so relaxed about flying Hawaiian Airlines, I was the last to board. (Apparently they made calls but I was already on island time).

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