the stupidest question borne out of intoxication but also affection. it was his attempt to show that he cared about her recovery, even if it did not look so. daemon realized that he'd barely seen to her following the stillbirth and placing the crown on her brow. it seemed so far away, all of it, when only a few hours had passed.
he swallowed, searching to amend that, somehow. he found nothing sufficient but the memory of rhaenyra sitting in her blood, rocking back and forth. how she'd look at him, he had been spurned by the disdain in her eyes. he hadn't heeded her desperate wails out of fear and blinding anger. in that moment... ever since her labors, she didn't seem to care for the crown, and daemon had finally had the hours to let up and do the same. let something else other than anger cloud his senses, let sadness in. let self-pity sink in for his pathetic reactions. how could he ever make up for such deeds? planning a war while she labored on her own. he recalled the faces of jacaerys and lucerys — judging him for not being with their mother in such a trying time.
he hated himself for it just the same. perhaps more. yet here she was, alive, unlike laena. what had daemon done to deserve it?
daemon thought rhaenyra might cuddle up against him, but when she did not, he tried to sit back and give her more room. offer his other knee, invite her closer. even in this state, the layers of her voice didn't evade him. he understood how much he'd hurt her — presence and absence coming together for a terrible culmination.
his forehead fell upon her shoulder. one hand trembled as he placed it on her thigh. despite the tragedy that befell her, rhaenyra did not run from him. she ran to him. ❝ i'm... sorry. ❞ a choked up sentance. it was hard for daemon to not shed a few tears. did it count as crying if he didn't feel them? they got soaked by the fabric of her nightdress and no longer belonged to him.
he attempted to control his voice, keep it from wavering. ❝ i should've come when you called. ❞ he reached for the cup, but instead of grasping it, he pushed it, and the wine spilled onto the round table. forced to face his errs without the help of booze. his nose poked the side of her neck. ❝ i should've not... been atop you so oft. i should've been more careful. it is my greed that brings you such misery. my greed to see you nurse another of my children. ❞ for he loved seeing her hold the boys, talk and play with them. he loved her easy smiles as she handed a babe to him. ❝ forgive me, rhaenyra. ❞ if you could.