Kenton🍁Writes

All right, week 2 of NaNo 2021 is over! Here are the Stats once again:

Project: Hiemal

WC Before NaNo: 26k

WC As Of Last Update: 35.5k

Current WC: 41.5k

Total Words Written: 15.5k

I'm no longer on track for 50k, but I am slightly ahead for my 30k goal, which works for me! This past week has been an absolute roller coaster, with some amazing highs and a few lows that made me want to abandon the book. Thankfully I didn't, and I think I'm now at a more stable place with it confidence-wise. The last few chapters have taken a super long time to write, partially because, while the first act of the book is slow and introspective, these chapters were high-octane and very fast-moving. It seems counterintuitive, but the switch-up in tempo threw me off and stalled my progress instead of speeding it up.

I've also made a few structural revisions on the fly, merged some chapters, etc., and I also am starting to think that this is more of a 90k word novel.

There's not much else to update on, no new developments really...it's going according to plan!

Everything else beneath the cut:

Every week this November I'm planning to post an update (usually Monday EST, sometimes Tuesday) on my NaNo progress.

Here are the cold Stats:

Project: Hiemal

WC Before NaNo: 26k

Current WC: 35.5k

Total Words Written: 9.5k

Words Behind: 2k

I still have yet to do my writing session for 11/8, but I'm expecting I'll probably catch up. While I am (sort-of) on track for 50k, I did modify my goal recently to reach 30k. This would finish "part 2" of the novel and keep me mentally stable. Besides, after the drought of the past two months, having 9.5k new words feels amazing.

I do still have my constant paralyzing suspicion that I'm massively underwriting this draft but I'm letting it go by the wayside--I can fix it in editing. Will it take months upon months? Maybe. But I know that if I stall my NaNo progress to fine-tune the pacing of every scene, I won't reach my goal. The writing is going very well on some days and poorly on others, but all in all I'm happy with the direction of the book.

It's definitely ending up more experimental than I had anticipated before, especially in terms of diction and grammar/style choice. I think, guys, that this is a literary fiction piece...

My MC, Torr, is also going off in a direction I hadn't foreseen. In my original draft 4-so years ago and every subsequent iteration (until now), Torr was definitely a very internal character with most of the conflict portrayed through her deteriorating mental state/paranoia/existential angst. In this draft, though, I'm finding that she's becoming way more physically capable that I'd envisioned. To be clear, all of the original internal turbulence/angst is still present, and I think I've actually improved on it a bit, but now I'm writing scenes where she's kicking ass and standing up for herself and it's...so amazing. I don't think I've ever in my entire life felt more connected to one of my characters than to Torr. I'm super excited for if/when people read her during the CP/beta phase.

I've written 34 chapters so far and have around 31 left (the chapter sequence from my last update has changed a little, and will likely continue to). My goal for the end of the first draft is 75k, and I roughly estimate to add around 10k in revisions.

I haven't read over ANYTHING that I've written so far this NaNo (which is probably for the best since I'd probably lose motivation instantly)...but I'm going to plunge back into the document to find some excerpts. Cut to me abandoning the project.

Excerpts

From chapter 31, "Viral"

I was sick for three more days, each more intense than the last. Hours spent on the front porch retching into the snow and full-body numbness. The stars churned and I woke with my cheek ice-fused to the porch and my tea frozen in its mug. Nik came in the mornings with steaming towels and toast and I was slumped under all of his bedclothes and mine, but sometimes in the night I’d kick them off and tighten myself against the wind and think about how much the human mind and body can endure and who designed a world that so properly nurtured and brutalized them.

From chapter 34, "Four Bookkeepers," in which Torr muses about an escape attempt:

I braced for the journey. Nik and I locked side by side to the floor of the trailer with two tons of lumber on our ribs. Henry said he’d pull over at the bridge, when the line of sight was well cut off, and roll the cargo off of us so we could ride in the cab with him. He said it would take five minutes. I imagined him hauling my body forth, sticky with sap and gasping for breath, like a rebirth. I hoped the metaphor was worth the five minutes of suffocation and the cracked sternum.

I checked for like 20 minutes and everything else is too spoilery, sorry!

Hello! Since we're almost on the eve of NaNoWriMo I thought it would be a great idea to draft an update!

Hiemal has seen maybe 500 words of progress since my last update (which was over a month ago...i'm a disastrous person) HOWEVER, like I mentioned in said update, I am utilizing NaNo as motivation to finally work on it again. Although achieving 50,000 words would be wonderful (it would also probably end up finishing the first draft), as long as I get my writing momentum back at some point during the month, I'll consider it a win.

I also spontaneously came up with a ton of new ideas for the Potent reboot, Blight 117, and for a couple days there I did actually consider using it for my NaNo project, but I made myself a promise to stick with Hiemal and actually finish a book for the first time in years, so I'm going to. Enough shiny new idea syndrome!

The biggest obstacle with writing Hiemal for NaNo is that, in an effort to re-immerse myself in the book, I've been reading excerpts from what I've written so far, and while some aspects of it are holding up still, a lot of it feels messy and underwritten. I know that rough drafts aren't meant to be polished and perfect, but the subpar quality of it thus far is literally paralyzing my progress. I feel like I can't write another word without all of the fixes looming right behind and stalling me. When I open the document I don't feel joy or pride or excitement in it, just anxiety. I'm not hyped for NaNo like I'd like to be; I'm just dreading it.

Hopefully the repetition of writing and the communal aspect will be enough to reignite my passion for the story and give me the motivation to see it through to the end and then to revise it to my contentment. I can't let another project fall by the wayside halfway through, convinced the next one will be better. I've just gotta see it through, and hopefully some gem of quality will be gained by the effort.

Intro

Hello! It’s been a while since the last update. I wish that meant I had another 20k words written and that everything was going well, but unfortunately it doesn’t. Since my last update (around 3 weeks ago) I’ve only written 4k words. Here are a few pitiful explanations as to why:

1) I started a semester of college and a new job :/

2) I spend every waking moment playing the Tomb Raider reboot trilogy

3) My motivation for the story fizzled out for a while. This ALWAYS happens when I “begin” something. Luckily for me the beginning of Hiemal went pretty well, but there is a 1 year time jump where I stopped writing, and it is so difficult to “restart” the exposition process. I’ve written 2 chapters of “part 2″ and have completely stalled on chapter 3. 

The Redemption Plan

I want this book to work, so desperately. I know that once I get through the strenuous first few chapters of part 2, it’ll start to flow again. With 25k words currently, I’m estimating that the rest of the draft needs about 50k words to finish. What else is 50k words? NaNoWriMo!

My plan is to write as much as I can throughout September/October, and then whatever I have left I will finish in NaNo. So if I miraculously end up super productive, I’ll have an easy NaNo, but if I continue at my current rate and hardly write anything, NaNo will swoop in and save the day. Then I can take a break from the book throughout December and begin the editing process in the new year.

Excerpts, aesthetics and more beneath the cut:

So, I’ve been working on this draft for exactly 3 weeks (2 weeks actually since I was at the beach in between) and my current word count is 20,712. I’m like shearing through it at the speed of light. 

Don’t let that fool you though, there have been some major obstacles along the way. Several times I wasn’t happy with the draft and I would abandon it for a day, just to come back the next. It’s been a productive writing sprint, but not exactly a smooth one. 

In previous renditions of this book, there were 3 parts. I’ve gotten rid of the part system for this draft, but where I’m at now is essentially the end of part 1. Since I’m going to be extremely busy over the next few months, I wanted to finish at this natural stopping point so I can go back and leisurely edit what I’ve written instead of worrying about drafting part 2 just yet (I might get to that during NaNoWriMo!). A few issues I’ve noticed need addressed during my editing phase are:

1. Like always, it’s severely underwritten, scenes are thin, etc. I’m expecting to add at least another 5k to part 1. I know it’s probably going to end up being a shorter novel (70-75k?) but right now I feel like the chapter arcs are too rushed. 

2. There’s one chapter in particular (a flashback) that I am not happy with whatsoever, and I need to make the decision to either cut it and revise the chapters in the present, or just improve the chapter/its place in the narrative. 

3. Cleaning up misc. awkward phrasing/line edit because my first drafts read convoluted as hell.

4. I’m still a little shaky on the protagonist, Torr. I’m pantsing/discovery writing a good bit of this draft, and because of that the personalities of the characters now are sometimes unaligned with how they were in previous drafts. I don’t exactly know if this is a bad thing yet--it could just be because I see how different they are and automatically assume it is. I think Torr is more active now as well as intensely cerebral, and a more compelling protagonist. In my old version a big problem was Torr just existing and reacting to bad things that happened to her. In this version she gets to go out and experience things/make decisions. She feels much more mature, I think. I’m going to keep an eye on her.

Overall I’m content with how it’s gone thus far. I think once I’ve edited part 1 it might end up being one of the best things I’ve ever written, and since I haven’t been involved in writing for such a long time that feels great. It feels so new and different and experimental. 

Excerpts!

From chapter 14, “Smokee the Owlet”

I hadn’t planned to write this at all, it just came out randomly and I love it. It shows spiritually-conflicted Torr at her most unhinged. Content warning for self-harm/cutting.

Over the coming weeks I habitually trespassed the chapel. I returned several commentaries I’d finished, I prostrated before the altar, I replayed the scenario over and over again, modifying my actions until I was the heroine. I prayed to no avail. I prayed aloud to no avail. I held the chalice high above my head and asked God to shatter it at my whim, spritz my hair with glassdust. I paced the aisle reading Wisdom. I paced the chancel reading Van’s textbook. I pried a shard of tinted glass from an alcove and dragged its edge up my ulna and dripped the silvery blood on the podium, like it would rejuvenate the Spirit of God in this place, like the reredos would open a portal to the astral realms of Enoch. Each night I traipsed through the snow toward home, embarrassed beyond belief.

From chapter 17, “The Man in the Window”

This plot-line was never part of any old versions. I completely improvised it and it’s one of my favorite things ever. Torr is blackmailed into visiting the “town hermit,” a disfigured man who lurks in his window. This is a description of what she enters to:

I broke my grasp on the knob and ambled, knees stiff, beneath the entryway. My heart fluttered. The kitchen walls bristled with steel weaponry: maces, flails, morningstars, an enormous battleaxe. A harpoon taller than me mounted across the window. Wicked bludgeons, rusting spears, ulus, pikes, hammers and scythes. A grizzly leghold trap mawed over my head. Blades and serrated arrowheads on each square inch of wallspace. I turned to bolt, heat flushing my face, the safety net gone, plunged into animal fear. He shouted to stop.

“They’re not for you,” he said.

From chapter 18, “What I Did After Reading Matthew 5-7″

This chapter was also never in the plan. It’s formatted as a list, detailing how Torr’s behavior changes for the better (and worse) after reading the famous Sermon on the Mount. 

I shed my coat, my underclothes. Giddy at such an altitude, at such a slant. I sat in the roots and prickling thistles, laid supine, sunlight white on my chest and legs. Light snowfall down the valley; it clung to my lashes. I gazed up at the high blue cirrus, shivering, nauseous with the gravity, then at peace.

And, if that seemed strange, don’t worry--at the end of the chapter:

I asked myself who this person was, the one who thought about Christ and got naked in boreal forests.

See, she’s self-aware!

Lastly, from chapter 19, “Liminal Theologians”

I had an entirely different plan for this chapter from the start. Since the majority of part 1 is Torr off on her own, I wanted part 1 to end showing her relationship with her two friends, Van and Nik, since they’re instrumental in part 2 and especially in part 3. In this chapter they all go down to a bridge, fish, and talk about conspiracies. Unbeknownst to Torr (and me) one of them has brought alcohol. This excerpt is of Torr going on a drunken, TMI rant about her life: 

“I feel like there’s a lot nobody knows about me,” I continued. “I think about a lot of stuff all the time. I do weird things now. Well they’re not weird. They’re beautiful sometimes. I actually don’t know if I believe in God actually. Why am I the only one in the whole world asking the questions? And it’s all buzzing up here in my head and I have no one to share it with and I want to just scream do you know?”

“Torr,” Van said. “You have to stop.”

Character Aesthetic:

Victoria Sieber (Torr)

Welcome back to another update!

“Anamnesis”

I finished writing and developmentally-editing this story, and it actually ended up being over 7k words. I sent it to @breefrankelwriting for critiquing and we agreed that after another few line-edits and a couple other fixes it’ll be in a good place! I have no idea what to do with it after that though! 

The writing process went surprisingly smoothly, even when editing. I think since it was such a short piece it was easy to build motivation to work on, since my creativity burns out after a good 20 seconds. This was the first piece that I’d actually finished for a long time, besides random poems that I’ve been submitting to magazines and getting rejections for the past couple months!

Hiemal

This is my newest project. I know, I know, I should just SHUT UP and actually work on my other projects for once in my life and obviously this shiny new idea is just a distraction and as soon as it starts to get difficult I’ll switch to something else BUT! Buckle up because this project has history.

Hiemal all started, actually, when I was in TENTH GRADE. During English class I’d literally just write stories on my iPad and it was great. One of the stories was about a woman who flew to northern Russia and lived off the boreal land for a few years before being mauled by a bear at the very end. It was the first piece of mine where I really started to put imagery at the forefront of my stylistic devices. I actually finished it! The story was titled “Fish Ribs.”

Then, over the next few months I wanted desperately to turn it into a novel. I made up a few characters, played with setting and worldbuilding, and had numerous stops-and-starts. It just wasn’t happening.

Finally in 2018 I had a full outline and began to work on it. I called in Pine Marrow. I got to around 40k words (which was about 3/4 through the book, it was severely underwritten) before shelving it. I don’t know why, but reading it back now it wasn’t...terrible, but it wasn’t good.

A year later I was having a crisis because my writing productivity was at an all-time low and I was disenchanted with the craft altogether. So I spontaneously bought a screenwriting software and started translating it into a screenplay even through I had no prior experience! It actually went quite well, and I LOVED working on it, but as soon as I got 3/4 through (when things actually start getting really exciting no less?) I quit AGAIN. 

So, what makes me think I can actually pull it off this time?

1) I’ve restructured the story to occur in much smaller, bite-sized, vignette-esque chapters. This helps monumentally with maintaining motivation and really dedicating time to each individual piece of the story, instead of getting overwrought with like an 8k word mess of a chapter. 

2) I’m giving myself more creative freedom to experiment with the characters, voice, and form. 

3) I have a general outline on where things are heading, but I wanted to sort of discovery write this draft. I’ve been writing scenes and concepts that were never originally in the plan, and they’re turning out to be some of my favorites! Giving the writing a sense of mystery to me is helping combat the fatigue of translating prose from outline bullet-points.

What is it about?

Hiemal takes place from 1996-2002, and follows a girl named Victoria and her friends as they try to escape the remote outpost/cult they were raised in since birth. The only problem is, they’re located in the boreal regions of northern Canada with thousands of miles of subzero forests separating them from other civilization.

TITLE: The word “Hiemal” means “relating to the cold or winter.” It’s also the name of the village/cult that Torr lives in.

CWs: Theocracy and authoritarian rule, violence, domestic abuse, gore, suicidal thoughts

CHARACTERS: 

1) To save time, I’m only going to talk about Torr, the protagonist. She’s 17-18 for the majority of the story. The story is narrated retrospectively from her POV. On the outside she’s reticent and distant, but her narrative is full of chaotic, unhinged thoughts. At the beginning of the book, when she’s 12, she has an experience that changes how Hiemal is governed, and has a lot of misplaced guilt over it. A lot of her arc is about discovering her religious identity.

PROCESS: I’ve written about 8k words so far, and it’s going decently smoothly although I am encountering some problems along the way. Namely Torr’s voice is not as voice-y as I would like, and the characters aren’t “springing to life” the way they did in previous drafts, partially because Torr is less demented and more, I don’t know, soft-spoken now. I feel like the writing style and intrigue has increased, but balancing the worldbuilding with the character relationships is proving to be extremely difficult at this stage. I’m hoping once I get everything introduced it’ll go a lot better.

Here are some quotes!

From the very first paragraph:

The chapel was a relic when I turned seventeen. Its black planks groaned and squelched in the nightwind, its steeple javelined the moon. Frosted shingles sled down the roof, the emerald windows snow-bleached and somber and the doors clattering against the sawhorses. Eugene had pushed at every Founders Meeting for it to be salvaged as lumber, but it was more than enough for it to be empty. I made it empty. 

Here’s one of the last lines I wrote:

I wanted to rip the duvet off my legs and sprint through the gate, tear through the night, wind gouging at my eyes, and visit someplace hot, get blood in my hands and brain. I wanted to snatch Van by her flimsy wrist bones and Nik by his and fade down a foyer of pine, show Van the world beyond words and convince Nik he didn’t want to settle here. But we’d just run, and run, and our muscles would scream--we’d collapse to a stop, and the wind would scrape in and out of our lungs, no progress made, a mote in the waste.

Look, I know I only have 40 followers and like 38 of them are bots, but writing these updates is my only source of joy. If someone happens upon this, please enjoy.

My projects/writing life since 2017 have been utter chaos. I’ve started and abandoned probably over a dozen projects, had nightmarish problems in my personal life, and pretty much put writing as my last priority. For some odd reason though, returning to it now has given me a better perspective on the craft. I feel like taking a couple of years to simply live and observe and consume other media and suffer has actually strengthened my writing. 

A summary of my current projects:

1. Mispacha (Untitled): I used the placeholder title Mispacha because it’s the Hebrew term for “family,” which is what this novel revolves around. It’s about a dysfunctional family in the early 2010′s who simply live in constant disorder and end up degrading themselves. I love the characters and the plot points I have planned, but I’m only 16k words in and am not happy with what I’ve written. The dialogue feels awkward, the writing extremely sparse, etc. I want to see it through, but it’s hard to persist at it when 16k words worth of dead weight is just...hovering there on the page.

2. Blight 117 (formerly titled Potent). This was my last start-to-finish project, and the piece that I first introduced to @breefrankelwriting when we were CPs like 4 years ago. I recently reopened that document and read through a few scenes and was absolutely APPALLED at how atrocious it was (Bree I’m so sorry please forgive me), but I also feel like I’m somehow meant to tell this story and I eventually, someday, want to make it work. It was my first ever idea for a “real” novel--I’ve had the idea and characters with me since 7th grade. I feel like it’s supposed to be my magnum opus, but if I ever go back and re-attempt it, it’ll need an overhaul the likes of which have never been seen since the dawn of time. 

3. Short Story Collection: Literally last night I was just standing around and then suddenly got the inspiration to start writing short stories. I know, it’s literally so spontaneous and quirky of me. I’d attempted a few during the absolute deadzone of 2018-2020, but none of them truly worked out. Since I evidently suck at writing longer pieces (see Mispacha) I figured, maybe my strengths could be suited to a shorter medium.

So I decided to randomly draft a short story last night that played directly to my weaknesses!!!

This story is what the bulk of this update is about.

It’s called “Anamnesis” and I literally came up with the idea, wrote the first draft, and made revision notes all in a span of 5 hours last night, from 9 PM - 2 AM. It was exhilarating honestly--I hadn’t written like that in years. The first draft ended up being 5200 words (!!!) but I want to eventually buff it to around 6k since I think I majorly underwrote the final scene due to fatigue.

“Anamnesis”

TITLE: The title, “Anamnesis,” literally fits the story in so many ways I could cry. It operates on every level. All I can do is bow down to the person who created this word and thank them for its relevance to my story.

CONTENT WARNINGS: Sexual abuse, violence toward elderly

SYNOPSIS: A home health worker is assigned to an elderly woman whose memory resets each morning. He begins to take advantage of her illness, using her inability to remember the previous day in order to mistreat and abuse her. But when she is prescribed a new, promising treatment, she begins to remember more than just the abuse.  

AESTHETIC: This story has the most unpleasant aesthetic known to man. I’m talking old people, pills, mold, dust, stray cats, oatmeal, etc. I’ve been in a few hospice patient homes before and I wanted to capture just how uncomfortable and depressing it can be.

CHARACTERS:

Luna Lemin - the protagonist, an elderly woman with dementia whose memory resets every morning. Always confused. Pitiful. Sad. Dark secrets in her past??? 

Alex - the patient care technician assigned to look after Luna. An absolute piece of trash. A spectacular liar. Malicious yet curious. 

PROCESS: Like I said, this story played directly to my weaknesses. How? Because I simply cannot create compelling characters or pace a story to save my LIFE, and this story DEPENDS on the characters and the pace at which their relationship progresses. Furthermore, the setting in this is somewhat bland (literally just an old woman’s middle/lower-class house) which is a sin in terms of my writing. I thrive off of having a strong sense of setting and being able to describe specific, interesting details of that setting. In this piece I largely deprived myself of that. But it also helped me balance my flowery, poetic, overly-quirky writing style with a cohesive story and effective characters. Lately I had been putting my work on the crutch of having good writing, but it didn’t work because 1) my writing is not at a good enough level for that, and 2) sacrificing effectiveness is never a good idea. Sometimes it’s better to choose the clear, effective verb over the never-before-seen exotic one found in the depths of the Thesaurus under “archaic.”