Thoughts by Keke the Bee

I'd love to get my garden started, but where I live, it's hard to know when the last snowstorm will hit (probably sometime in April).

*huff*

Hoping this carries me through until my lunchtime like jog.

Okay, here goes.

I'm crocheting a sweater! I've been an amateur/casual crocheter for quite a few years, but I've never made anything more complicated than fingerless gloves (one was backwards) and a few amigurumi sushi pieces (very cute). In the last four-five months or so, I've gotten back into it, and I'm having lots of fun.

I'm around 45% done with the sweater, I think. I crocheted the whole back piece and now I'm working on the front. It's slow going, but an easy pattern, and I get to watch The Office in the background while I work. It's also super satisfying to lay out the completed back panel and look at how pretty it is!

I'm quite excited to have a finished product. But first, I have to, you know, finish it.

Well, hopefully it's not awful. I've been so acutely feeling the loss of my creativity lately... it's sort of like sliding very slowly into a pit of cold mud while watching mindless funny videos on my phone. Not great.

So, I'm going to try sharing a bit more on social media about my projects. I've been on a soft social media break for the past couple years and it's been SO NICE in many ways, but I kinda miss that little dopamine rush when someone likes something I created. It feels really selfish and weird to start posting about myself right now, with the world in shambles and so many people struggling with actual problems. But it's OK to like the things you like... right? So I'm going to try it out.

I'll share my first post in like, forty five seconds. The others to come later, but I'm going to try to be consistent again.

My period started early (yay bc pills) and it's been a rough morning.

Then I had a sneezing fit.

...

What a DANCE this is.. the fancy footwork kind that you have to practice a million times before you can even do four basic steps in a row. The kind where one stumble won't ruin the whole dance but it will definitely slow you down, and I feel like I stumble a lot.

I'm complaining because I'm on my third mug of tea even though it's humid and sticky and hot in here. Tea has no calories and so I try to drink it when I crave snacks because I snack so DARN MUCH.

Working from home is awesome but there's a fridge literally one step away. So I drink tea.

Sigh.

Progress is happening though, so this tiresome, complicated dance pays off eventually. It's hard to make these habits really matter but I'm trying.

Not just one cheese, nor two, but nay, THREE types of cheese.

At a fancy restaurant.

So fancy, in fact, that this cheese came on a board instead of a plate.

(Which made it hard to eat, but OK.)

These cheeses were so fancy that I forget the names of them, but one was hard and Parmesan-like (mmm), another was crumbly and bleu cheese-like (MMM), and the third was some sort of double-cream Brie that was so creamy and salty that it was more as if I had immersed my entire soul into fresh-made butter than actually consumed cheese (MMMMMMM).

All this was accompanied by fresh-baked baguette, nuts that were like almonds but smaller (?), and two types of marmalade, plus a little glob of honey.

And of course, a glass of wildly overpriced Pinot Noir, even though it was still the cheapest wine on the menu.

Friends... FRIENDS.

I gorged myself on these cheeses, and I have no regrets. As someone who is actively trying to lose weight, let me tell you, the sheer power of anticipating, planning for, and enjoying this cheesy masterpiece was entirely worth it. Please treat yourself to something amazing once in a while. If not cheese, then something that ignites equal passion within your soul.

These are my cheesy thoughts.

Everything but the bagel seasoning is FRICKIN AMAZING

Just wanted to complain real quick. My coworker is so passive-aggressive with her emails. I'm tired of it.

Whatevs.

Okay, quick note. I used to write a lot, like never-missed-a-NaNoWriMo kind of writing. It's my passion, I went to college for it, I now work in editing full-time.

But I hate my writing right now.

I was trying to tell somebody about it, and I said, "It feels fake," and it didn't hit me until that exact moment that something is missing. My creative bee is gone.

I've done a little artwork and crocheting, but it's not the same. I'd like to get back into writing.

Maybe I'll dabble in posting some poetry here?

Here's to my fellow writers in a sinkhole, feeling like we're being sucked into a sand pit of bland, tasteless, doom.