Johnny time

when i was born i said hi and then i started tumblr posting immediately

money beyond ypur wildist dreams

one hundred and seventy dollars

that poll going around of the guy who thought "people only eat tofu as a bit because they're deranged vegans" or whatever really crystalizes something that i have never been able to precisely say - which is "a nonzero fraction of people who start picky-eater discourse just happen to precisely hate those foods which are not from north america and refuse to introspect on this whatsoever"

In contrast some people say "there aren't any picky eaters in Asia 🙄" but this is laughably untrue. I have a cousin in India who refused until his 20s to eat anything in a sauce. as you can imagine in India this was difficult. he basically had to pick things out of curry and wipe them dry

my cursed sword doesn't even tell me to kill people anymore it keeps begging me to put on a skirt and tights

I already know I'm a girl dickhead I just like wearing pants

Domming a guy i hate and convincing him good puppies like to be named Hubert then getting his name legally changed to Hubert then ghosting him

i bet it feels good as fuck to intend to do something and then actually do it

my camel straight up told me "man i am not carrying another fucking straw" like wtf asshole its just one straw whats your fucking issue