Halloween is my absolute favourite time of the year, the weather, the colours and the general spooky atmosphere. Every year I skim through my instagram to find new costume ideas, and as always the usual suspects make their appearance. The rabbit, the cat….. and then I found, “the Sergeant.” This costume was essentially a one piece bathing suit done in Camo, with a matching cap and boots. Normally, I would’ve slipped that idea into the “never happening” pile, but it struck a cord with me… and I felt that I had to share. Everyone has heard about it, seen it and experienced it: the romanticized figure of the military man. The whole idea is seemingly wonderful, having a man in uniform… being able to show him off like a new toy. In the beginning I was like everyone else, wanting to be with someone in uniform for the sake of the novelty. However, eight months ago something interesting happened, I became a “military girlfriend.” I was living the whole dream, I had a sexy man in uniform, who was an officer of all things! But I realized pretty suddenly, that there is more to the fantasy than it seems. Military Life is entrenched in social order, politics and hypermasculinity… being a feminist, this was initially a problem for me. But we learned to compromise, and he taught me more and more about that world. In turn, I taught him about feminism and multiculturalism (he doesn’t make it easy on me). Eventually he started going away, sometimes I would only hear from him once in two days. But I felt oddly at ease, knowing he would always come home. As time went on it became easier, the more he went away the more I learned how to occupy myself and be present with him when he came home. In all honesty, being a military girlfriend, has actually changed the way I see the world around me. Now, before you mention how corny that sounds… let me explain. There will never be someone who will love you as much as a military partner will. Every time they go away, it hurts them as much as it hurts you… because they know they have to put you through so much emotion. They think about you while they’re sleep deprived, and can’t focus on much else. They will appreciate every moment they have with you, because they know they’re leaving again soon. Even if they want to act like they’re big, tough and emotionless…. they’ll brag about you to their fellow soldiers, because they’re so proud and grateful for what they have at home. As crazy as it sounds, they’ll notice more about you, little things like your smell and your smile… and It’ll mean the world in the end. All they ask, is for loyalty, patience and resilience, and while that can be a tall order at times, I promise it is worth it. I have never felt more whole than I do now, being with someone like my boyfriend. However, not every part of this story is a fairy-tale. Everyday that your partner puts on their uniform, they run the risk of being killed, harmed or targeted for the future… and it never stops. There is a constant fear and worry that you must be prepared to live with, in addition to the constant departure. Since we’ve been together, I have not even been able to stomach watching a TV SHOW with danger/harm to military personnel involved. The most frustrating part, is having to accept it… that swallowing this dark reality is what you’re signing up to do. I can’t tell you how to feel about it, but I can promise you this… you will never regret it. They will sacrifice for you, appreciate you and will generally be amazed by you every day. Some days I feel so average, and then I look at myself through his eyes and I realize he sees me, truly sees me. Although many people will continue to see military personnel through rose coloured glasses, please remember that they’re more than labels or fantasies. They are brave, strong, resilient and intelligent. They sacrifice losing everything to do what they love. They are not novelties or sexual fantasies, they’re the moon and the stars all in one, even if it’s just to one person. I’m very blessed to have the chance to go through this journey with my partner, together we have shared so many successes. In turn, we have also learned to survive losses. Being a military girlfriend means seeing the uniform in such a passionate light. It represents the man I fell for, who brings so much happiness to my life. The man who is goofy with me, kisses away insecurities and is constantly cheering me on. If you have the chance to be with someone in the military, take it and experience the new joys and challenges with an open heart. Until then, think about your Halloween costume this year, it may be time to retire “the Sergeant.”
snowghoul
theartofmadeline
germansingergirl
yousharknotpass
turnnoffyourmind
areudirty
titsay
tangentwithtanner
romaincrisis
