idk

I want to rip open and be something

I want to rip open and be nothing

I want to be everything all at once

I have been asleep for so long that

The grief burns still

I wake up in the future

I have always resembled an autopsy

Cut open and bloody and exposed

Wipe me clean, God

Clean me gentle,

Clean me like I was ever yours.

God, wash me like I was ever really

A son to you;

Wash me like you washed Him

When he came home-

Holy and scarred and empty of all of himself.

God, hold me like your son

I have never really known the love of a father