#k.v.

There was a night

We sat on beth's balcony

And I laughed,

And I drained a beer bottle

Tossed it to the side

And your eyes were on me,

When I turned back.

Really on me.

Like you could see me,

Really see me.

The next morning

When I woke

It was to sun beams on my face

Though the open window,

Blinding me as I struggled to open my eyes.

I must have been blind

All of this time;

Because when I looked at you,

I swore I saw you-

Really saw you

Bathed in all that warm golden light

Like I saw you see me,

Like I saw love in you.

You left, though,

A couple of months ago.

The way I never thought you would.

I tried to tell myself

That it was a mistake.

That you looked at him

And for a moment the sun

Hit your eyes all wrong;

That you reached for us, Unseeing-

Found yourself in unfamiliar arms

And just never found your way back.

I saw you,

Bathed in all that golden light.

I saw love in you- but

I must have been blind,

I have always resembled an autopsy

Cut open and bloody and exposed

Wipe me clean, God

Clean me gentle,

Clean me like I was ever yours.

God, wash me like I was ever really

A son to you;

Wash me like you washed Him

When he came home-

Holy and scarred and empty of all of himself.

God, hold me like your son

I have never really known the love of a father

I've told you a million times.

There is nothing there worthy

Of your illumination,

You burn, nonetheless.

Let the shade linger;

I too often feel like

Only a shadow of some